


Bookman, Bookman

by mysi365



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Lemon, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-05-11 12:02:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 57,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5625901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysi365/pseuds/mysi365
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After her master died, she needed guidance. Bookman, who was familiar with the war on Akuma, was asked to train her until she was old enough to carry on her previous master's legacy. Lavi met her, he grew with her, he changed with her, and he loved her. However, he would never have a happy ending with her. Two years before DGM, Future Lemon/Smut. LaviXOC (First Fanfic)</p>
<p>Trigger Warnings: Mentions of Rape and of War/Violence</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One: How They First Met

She was supposed to become a Bookman, just like he was. However, one day she just disappeared, without a single word, without any trace. Her disappearance was something that haunted him, as she was, besides Bookman, the only one who understood his pain, his conflict, and his past.

She was the reason that he and Bookman came to the order in the first place. It was like fate wanted them to meet, like it was trying to send a message to him and to her. If it wasn’t for her master dying and she not being old enough to carry on the Bookman legacy, Bookman and him would have never gone to the  Black Order, to not only continue to record the war between humans and akuma, but to also guide her until she was old enough to carry the burden of being a Bookman.

He remembered when he first met her, how she stunned him with her beauty, how her voice sounded the way silk felt, and with how fake she was.

~…~

_They were sitting in a huge office, the floor littered with papers and documents; the couch they sat on was balanced above a huge pile of papers that had accumulated over time. Bookman was casually smoking, waiting to meet this elusive Komui Lee, Chief of the European Branch._

_“Humans are stupid; they know nothing more than war. I understand that now.” the newly named Lavi spoke to his master. His master gave him a glance, “Don’t cause undue trouble. Things are different this time, as now not only do we have an addition to our little group, but we also will be lending our bodies as soldiers. Lavi, I won’t be able to keep as close of an eye on you as before, so promise that you will behave yourself and don’t forget that Bookman-“_

_“We are here to record nothing more than the true history, no attachments shall be made. I understand that, I’ll be social and nice, like I always am, so you can relax Panda.”_

_Bookman looked downcast, taking his apprentices words has proof that he understood. They sat in silence, waiting, Lavi’s patience was starting to run thin when a blonde haired man in a white lab coat came into the room, and said “Chief Lee will see the two of you now.”_

_~…~_

_After they met with the chief and visited Helveska, Lavi’s patience came to a head. He wanted to meet his new fellow apprentice already, this person who remained hidden from him until now. He had never met another Bookman, let alone another apprentice before, so at the moment he felt like a small child who was being forced to wait until Christmas to open all of his presents. It was a struggle._

_“Jessica’s room is on the fourth floor, while your room will be on the third.” Komui said as he led the two men to their room.  Lavi gawked for a second, “Jessica?”_

_Bookman gave Lavi a sideways glance, “Jessica is the other apprentice, stupid. Have you not been listening this whole time?” Lavi scratched his cheek and sighed, “Not really.”_

_Bookman gave his apprentice a cold glare and Komui chuckled at Lavi’s carefree nature. “So Jessica is a girl, right?” Lavi innocently questioned. “Yes.”_

_A girl? Lavi felt weird knowing this now, maybe because up until this point he had been imagining this Jessica as a boy, a boy around his age. However, now it was a girl, a girl Bookman, who was around his age._

_Komui bowed to him and Bookman, “I will be leaving you two now. If you have any questions, feel free to ask anyone here, or ask Jessica if that is what you prefer.” With that, the older gentlemen left, leaving the pair to go into their room and to settle in._

_“When are we going to meet Jessica?” Lavi impatiently asked._

_“Soon, as I’m pretty sure she was made aware of our arrival by now.” As if on cue, a small knock came from the door._

_Lavi, who was lying on the lower bunk of their bunk bed, jumped and ran to the door. When he opened it, he swore that his heart stopped for a second._

_She had slightly wavy blonde hair, that came down to her lower back, her pale skin made her natural blush all the more noticeable, but her golden eyes pierced right through him and he could feel his cheeks becoming warm. She wore a low cut black sweater, the sleeves coming down to her elbows, along with a pair dark blue jean short shorts, a pair of black fishnet stockings, with a pair of knee high boots with a heel. She brushed her bangs to the side and her shy voice chimed, “Are you the new Bookman?” Lavi was dumbstruck at first, but quickly shook his head, “I’m his apprentice! Bookman, Miss Jessica had stopped by to say hi!” Lavi yelled into the mostly empty room._

_Bookman came to the door and bowed, “I am Bookman, and as you know your new Master. This is my apprentice, whose alias is currently Lavi.”_

_She bowed to both him and Lavi, “My current alias is Jessica, as you seem to already know.” She smiled at them both. Lavi began to eye her body, which was small. She was about five feet, her body was well toned, but she seemed to be thin. She was a like a doll, small, fragile, and beautiful._

_Lavi had barely noticed that she and Bookman were conversing about something that had to deal with her previous training. He was more focused on trying to decipher who she was. The way she carried herself, it just seemed so false. Maybe it was just false to him because he knew it was just a façade, that everything about her wasn’t real._

_Jessica looked at Lavi again and smiled, but something felt off about this smile. He could tell right away that it wasn’t genuine, that it was part of her charade. She was supposed to be the shy, friendly girl and that became obvious to him right away._

_He smiled back, wondering if his smile was just as obviously fake, but she didn’t seem to care whether it was or not. “I look forward to working with you both.” Lavi bowed to her, “I look forward to that as well.”_


	2. Chapter Two: How They Bonded

He already felt connected to her, the moment that he met her. However, he struggled with her. She wasn’t like other girls, she knew who he really was, what he really was. It made it difficult to have a relationship with her, but it also helped the two bond, as they both had someone who understood them. He quickly learned that she was sixteen, like him, and that her previous master was killed while they were out on a mission. She didn’t talk much about her previous master, as it was something that felt like a sore spot. When they were around others, such as Lenalee and the Science Department, she would joke, laugh, and converse with ease. However, whenever it was just the two of them, she remained quiet and reserved.

It had been a month since they joined the Black Order. He wasn’t sure if he could consider himself and Jessica friends, but he liked to believe that they were in their own way.

He remembered the first time that they had a real conversation. The first time that they stayed up all night, talking about their previous selves and the things that they had seen, the things that made them lose faith in humanity and how they both hoped for something better in the future.

_~…~_

_They were in the library; the clock’s face said it was ten at night, but with how tired he was it felt like it was midnight. He worked diligently, but sometimes he was just too lazy or not dedicated enough to the task to even consider working on the things he needed to work on._

_Bookman had given them their assignment of memorizing something about a guy named Sigmund Freud who came up with something called Psychoanalysis, or something along those lines. Lavi didn’t find it interesting, thinking whatever it was to be groundless and dumb. However, Jessica sat quietly at the table across from her, reading the articles carefully, writing detailed notes on the subject._

_Lavi liked her dedication; it was something that he found admirable in her. Despite being a Bookman-in-training, she also showed her dedication on the battlefield. She made sure to protect her “comrades” and made sure to do her job of destroying akuma, but all the while her brain took mental notes on what was being said and what was going on around her._

_She was smart, beautiful, and she understood her purpose._

_Lavi planted his face into the table, taking several deep breaths as to gain her attention. He was bored and wanted to talk to her. He made a loud, dramatic sigh. Realizing that she could no longer ignore him, he heard her put her pen down and felt his heart flutter when she spoke, “Do you need something Lavi? Is something wrong?” Her voice gave off barely any emotion, but he knew that she meant it in a curious way. Lavi cheekily smiled at her, “I want to talk!”_

_She just stared at him, as if trying to decide how she act around him. He could see the conflict in her eyes on whether she should be the cold Bookman or if she should be Jessica. She seemed to finally settle for Jessica as she giggled at his eagerness to discuss things with her._

_“What do you want to talk about?” her sweet voice questioned._

_“Anything that is not related to this boring stuff, you know like something awesome. Oh! I know, how many aliases have you had?”_

_She looked at him quizzically, “I’ve had thirty-five. Have you had more?”_

_“Yes. Lavi is my forty-ninth.”_

_“Oh…I guess I’m a little less experienced than you then.”_

_He laughed, “Not necessarily, you obviously work harder.”_

_“I guess.”_

_They remained silent for a while, not sure what else to talk about. Jessica looked up at him, curiosity in her eyes._

_“What is the worst thing you’ve ever seen on your travels?” She asked so innocently that it made him cringe._

_“Hm…I guess I once saw children being used as shields. Having to watch them fall one by one without any meaning behind their deaths, it was like whoever shot them didn’t care at all that they were people, that they were children.” His voice oozed with melancholy and he looked at her, trying to make sense of her reaction._

_She looked horrified to say the least, but she also seemed to look sad._

_“I was once in a village, when soldiers raided it. I watched many people be shot down, children be taken from their families, and saw women be beaten and raped by these so called soldiers.”_

_They both sighed, both agreeing that they had seen some things. It was a wonder that they both didn’t suffer from some kind of depression or psychosis.  However, them opening up to each other like this, it started something. It was like all of the pain and suffering they had seen paper and ink could no longer contain. They spoke to each other about the things they had seen, all the death, and all the pain, all of the darkness that clouded their minds._

_The paced around the library, freely discussing each individual war that they had seen, like how Jessica once saw an old man be shot down for just asking for a loaf of bread, how Lavi had once seen a girl be sold to a brothel even though she could be no older than thirteen._

_The hours ticked and finally, running out of stories they laid next to each other on the cold stone floor._

_Jessica quietly muttered under her tired breath, “We’ve seen some fucked up shit.” Lavi hmm, agreeing with her statement. He closed his eye and breathed slowly, getting ready to fall asleep._

_He felt her tap his shoulder, he opened his eyes and saw her wide golden ones staring back at him. His heart started to race, and he came to realize just how much he had shared with her. These things, they had previously just been things that had happened in the past, but when he actually spoke them, it made him realize just how deep and horrify those things really were. It made him realize that was his life, watching people die. Those things that he once tried to just ignore were no longer just things on paper; they were memories, those things that he considered ink, were once living people with hopes, dreams, and were once alive, those were things that would forever be embedded into his brain._

_“You realize it too? How these things made us who we are?” He turned to his side, to get a better look at her. Her head was turned to the side, but she quickly looked back up at the ceiling. “Do you think we’ll ever gain faith back in humanity?”_

_Lavi remained quiet, not really sure how to answer that. He wanted to believe that humans would learn from their mistakes, from the pain of war, but that never happened._

_“I want to believe though…that not all people in this world are bad. I want to believe that despite all this suffering in the world, that love will be stronger. I came to realize a long time ago that losing faith in humanity is easy, but gaining back that faith is far more difficult. As a Bookman, it’s probably better to accept humans as being dumb, hateful creatures. But then again, I’m also human and so therefore I cannot cast judgement in that way. I want to believe that I am better than them, better than all of those people who have done terrible things, but I also have done terrible things. All those times that I was in the shadows watching, I could have been saving someone’s life, I could have been putting out fires, I could have been fighting for something. War is bad because of the suffering that comes with it, and it is easily glorified. However, I’d like to believe that war is just the stepping stone to something better. That the things people are dying for, are worth dying for, and that the thing they were fighting for did happen. If war had no purpose, then I would find it to be truly repulsive. No one fights because they want to; they do it because they have no other way of escaping. Hope is what keeps people going, and so if I want to keep going and believe that humanity will get better, I also need to have hope.”_

_Jessica blushed at her words, and quickly turned to look at him. Lavi didn’t know what to say. Despite all of the bad things that she had seen, she still had faith in humanity? She still had hope?_

_“Why? Why do you have hope in humanity? Why do you believe in the people who have proven time and time again that war is all they know?!” Lavi could feel his anger starting to boil over. He didn’t understand._

_She turned her body to face him; the two looking in each other’s eyes, her breaths were small and quiet. Lavi looked at her, waiting for an answer. She put her small hand on top of his cheek and rubbed it with her thumb. “I believe in them because I believe in love. I know it’s dumb because we’re not allowed to have attachments and such, but I believe that behind all that suffering there is love.”_

_Lavi was thunderstruck, and he had no idea how to react. Her words made no sense to him, so he just grabbed her hand on top his face and whispered to her quietly, “You need to be careful what he say, because that doesn’t sound like a Bookman.” He made sure that his warning was understood, however, she didn’t seem phased at all._

_“Is it that it doesn’t sound Bookman like or is it just different to how you feel as a Bookman?”_

_“Um…”_

_“Lavi, you need to understand that there is more to being a Bookman than just mindlessly recording.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“Hmm…I don’t think you’re ready to hear that.”_

_“What?”_

_“Besides, you’re holding my hand. Someone’s going to think something’s up if you don’t hurry up.” She stuck her tongue out him playfully, and she gave him a sly grin. A grin that seemed to be filled with a genuine frisky attitude. He quickly let go of her hand and she removed her hand from his face, “You were the one who started it, touching my face” he playfully responded. She giggled, “I guess I’m the guilty one.”_

_He nodded._

_“Hey, Lavi? It’s close to four in the morning; do you want to sleep in my room tonight? I don’t know your master well yet, but it seems like he makes you wake you up early, so if you stay in my room I’m sure you would be allowed to sleep in, as it doesn’t seem that he will disturb me.”_

_Lavi laughed at her innocent suggestion, “Did I say something funny?”_

_“You think that since you’re a girl that the master is going to go easy on you? Trust me; he’ll wake you up early once he gets comfortable with you. Just you wait.”_

_She puffed her cheeks out at him, “Fine, I take back my offer.”_

_Lavi smiled at how cute she was._

_“Maybe I can take you up on that later. For now though, I saw we just stick to getting to know each other better first. Agree?” Jessica nodded in response and pushed herself off of the floor._

_“Well I guess we should go to sleep then.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_Jessica was about ready to leave when she stopped and turned to him, she looked squeamish._

_“Jessica, are you alright?”_

_“Lavi….did you finish your assignment?”_

_Fuck._


	3. Chapter Three: How They First Told The Truth

A few more months flew by and Lavi was starting to become conflicted. Lenalee, a finder named Doug, and all of the other people at the Order were starting to affect him. He found himself caring about what happened to these people, and would immediately have to scold himself afterwards. Sometimes he would wonder if he could tell the old man, but he would quickly decide against it, for fear of leaving. It was no lie, he had gotten comfortable here, and even after all of the casualties and missions, he felt a sense of relief when it was time to return to the Order. Why? Maybe because it felt like home, a home that he had never had before, or at least not for a long time.

He started to talk to Jessica about these feelings, figuring she would understand. He trusted her to not tell the old man anything and he even though he didn’t know for sure, he felt that she was going through the same thing.

He remembered the first time they were really honest with each other. The first time they ignored their duties as Bookman and talked as people, maybe even as Exorcists. 

_~…~_

_Bookman was asleep. Lavi laid in his bed, his mind refusing to shut down. He had just returned from a mission with Lenalee in Germany. They were hoping to find a piece of Innocence, but like most cases they only came across a horde of Akuma and would come back empty handed. However during their mission, when they were fighting a Level Two, and Lenalee had been watching his back, and she was hit. She was sent flying into a nearby tree. Normally, he would have continued on fighting, but this time he found himself instinctively running to her aid. She turned out to be completely fine, in fact she saved him from the akuma and ultimately defeated it, but he was shocked to find himself worrying for her safety. He didn’t know how to act anymore, and that scared him._

_Bookman noticed his mistake and gave him a big lecture. Lavi was to worry about only Lavi and nobody else. It was fine to aid his “comrades” but to actively worry and to pursue them in that way was not._

_With his racing thoughts, he got out of bed and quietly left the room. He wandered the halls in nothing more than his pajamas, opting to leave his bandana behind. It was too late to really bother anyone, but he knew that Jessica would be awake. He and Jessica were opposites in one way, which was that while he desired nothing more than to sleep, she never seemed to sleep opting to stay up all night in most cases. So when he approached her room and knocked on the door, her answering was almost guaranteed._

_She opened the door slowly, as if not really knowing who to expect to be knocking this late at night. However, her expression seemed to sour when she saw it was none other than her favorite red head. He found it odd that she opened so hesitantly though, it was normal for him to come by this late at night, as he usually did._

_“Yo, what are you doing up so late Jessie-chan?” Lavi casually spoke; trying to act like it was not one in the morning._

_Jessica looked at him annoyed, “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”_

_Lavi was slightly taken aback by her callous behavior. Normally, even on days when she spoke to him as a Bookman, she was normally polite and such. However, she seemed to be irritated._

_“Why are you so irritated?”_

_“Huh? I’m not irritated!”_

_“You totally are! Did something happen?”_

_“No.”_

_“Jessie-Chan…”_

_“Why do you call me that?”_

_“It’s because it’s cute and you’re cute, so it suits you.”_

_She blushed, shaking her head rapidly back and forth, causing her long blonde hair to sway about in random directions. She looked at him, trying to decipher why he would be here this late._

_“I’m sorry if I seem to be irritated. It’s just that I’m having some difficulties with things.” Lavi looked at her, shocked that she would admit something like that._

_“What are you having difficulties with?” He questioned her, but she just looked down at the floor, rubbing her ankle with her foot._

_“I can’t say out here. Why don’t you come in?”_

_Lavi nodded and she opened the door wide enough for him to come in. Her room was bigger than most, probably because it was at the end of the hall. Since he and Bookman shared a room they were given bunk beds, but usually most rooms consisted of a full size bed, like the one Jessica had in the back corner of her room. To the east of her room she had a dresser with many different trinkets and papers scattered on top. Even her room could not escape the many documents that they were forced to read and to understand. To the west, besides her bed, was a bookshelf that not only held many informational books, but the diaries that she had kept over the years. She had allowed him to read some of them as they were really filled with records more than they were filled with personal thoughts. Next to the door was a small desk that was also covered with newspapers, but also had a small oil lamp that seemed like it was about to burn out. However, even with the lamp, her room remained dark as her room was hidden from the light of the moon. The window in the center seemed completely useless, but he figured it was more for mere decoration than for light._

_He laid down on her bed, making himself comfortable like he always did. Jessica shut the door and leaned against it, not sure what to do. He turned himself to get a better look at her, not really realizing that she was wearing nothing more than a small white button down shirt that barely covered her underwear, with the first few buttons unbuttoned, leaving the top parts of her cleavage and her red bra exposed to him. He quickly went back to looking at the ceiling, a small blush creeping across his face. Most times Jessica was fully dressed or she would get dressed before letting him in, maybe he caught her right before she went to bed._

_He looked over at her again, really examining her body. Besides having a gorgeous face, her long hair as pushed over to one side of her head, leaving half of her slim neck exposed. **He wanted to know if someone had ever kissed her there. No, don’t think that way.**  He continued to go downwards making a mental note of her chest. Her chest wasn’t small, but it wasn’t big either. He liked to think of it as that her breasts were the perfect handful, not too little but not too much. **He wondered if she would like it if he touched them. No, stop it Lavi.** He went further down to examine her body, she had some curves, possibly from her training with her Innocence, but she was mainly just petite. He knew she was ticklish around her belly, which always made him giggle. **He imagined himself kissing down her stomach…Stop, control yourself!** He looked further down, eyeing her legs. Even though she was short, her legs were still long in contrast to her torso. **The thought of himself running his hand up her thigh, his hand getting closer to her…Lavi, pull yourself together!** He tried to shake all of the thoughts out of his head but they made him blush a deeper red. His mind was dirty thought central tonight. _

_He had to admit that she was attractive, that fact was undeniable. However, he couldn’t think that way about her, just like she couldn’t think that way about him._

_Jessica looked at the blushing Lavi curiously, approaching him cautiously, until she sat down next to him. She observed him, watching him as he turned his head away from her gaze. It made her feel uncomfortable, because she did see him checking her out, but what made her uncomfortable was the fact that he looked away from her. Was there something wrong with her? She shook the thought from her head, of course there was nothing wrong with her, it’s just that they just both had an obligation, one that was unavoidable. She nudged him, indicating that she wanted him to move over. Lavi scooted to the other side of the bed. Jessica laid down right next to him, putting herself on her side so that she could look at him. Lavi grabbed the blankets and placed it over the two of them, hoping that if he hid her body, it would just disappear from his mind. Lavi was normally fine with her laying next to him, but with all of those careless thoughts buzzing around his head, he felt awkward with her next to him, especially with her looking so risqué._

_“Lavi….”her silky voice called to him._

_He looked at her, hoping that she would say something so unflattering that it would diminish every hot thought that popped into his head. “What is it, Jessie-chan?”_

_“Do you ever feel empty?” her voice sounded agonized. Lavi felt his heart beat faster and harder, a heartbeat so strong he could hear it in his ears. Had he ever felt empty? It as an innocent question, one that should be easy to answer, however, he didn’t know._

_He knew what it felt like to be happy, to be sad, and to be angry…but empty? “What do you mean?” he questioned his blonde haired companion._

_She looked pained and scooted closer to him, “I mean do you ever feel like that everything, that this life you have chosen has left you feeling unfulfilled? I wanted to become a Bookman because I wanted to learn and it felt like that if I joined the clan, I would have infinite access to all kinds of information. However, what is the price I have to pay for that knowledge? No friends, no family….no love. Being a Bookman is something that I really want, but I’m starting to question on whether or not I really am capable of becoming one…even before you guys got here, I already started finding myself caring about the people here at the Order…” her eyes went wide, ask quickly as the words before her spit out, she quickly barked at him, “Please don’t tell Bookman what I just said!”_

_Lavi stared at her, amazed with her honesty and her bravery. If he had been someone else from the clan, she would have definitely gotten in trouble. He knew what she meant though. He started to notice it too, as he got older. Girls and boys were beginning to court each other, getting married, having families, but he has forced to be off to the side watching them like they were wild animals. He felt like he was above them because at the time he felt like he didn’t need that companionship, that he was content with being on his own. However, when he started to notice girls and girls started to notice him, he couldn’t act on it. He had to keep his distance, never knowing what it even felt like to be close to someone. Friends came and went, but he was not allowed to consider them friends, so most times he would interact with them long enough to get his information and then he would leave once again. As far as love was concerned, that was something that never supposed to happen. Ever._

_He scooted closer to Jessica, putting his forehead against hers._

_In an almost inaudible whisper, he replied, “I wanted to become a Bookman because I wanted to know the unknown parts of history, the parts that no one else knew besides me and the people involved. At first I was optimistic about it, but as I was exposed to war, plague, and famine, I came to the grim realization that some parts of history should stay hidden and that these hidden parts of history were here to remind me why I should never love. I don’t know what it really means to have a friend, what it really means to love. I’ve found myself starting to care about the people here as well. I found myself caring over someone who one day is supposed to be excluded from history, like everyone else here. I’ve came to the realization that I am starting to become friends with the people here, that I am starting to see them as family, and that if something were to happen to them it would hurt me greatly. I never thought I was empty, not until I came face to face with what I was missing in life. So, to answer your question, yes I do feel empty.” Lavi closed his eye, hoping that Jessica would say something to make him feel better, but she just remained quiet._

_Suddenly Jessica’s warm hands wrapped around the back of his neck and pulled his head down closer to her chest, her chin resting on the top of his head. He was so close he could hear the quiet, even pitter patter of her heartbeat. A light blush creeped over his face, but he maintained his composure, as he knew this was her way of hugging him. She began to run her slender fingers through his fiery red hair, an act so soothing it started to make him sleepy._

_“I’m glad I was able to tell you that, Jessie-chan.” Lavi quietly muttered into her chest._

_“Hmm-mhm, I’m glad I was able to tell you as well.” Lavi nodded, his head getting heavy with exhaustion._

_“Goodnight, Jessie-chan.”_

_“Goodnight, Lavi.”_

_After a few minutes, Jessica’s grip on his head loosened, and her breathing became even and slow, indicating that she had fallen asleep. Lavi was tempted to move, but her heartbeat and the warmth emitting from her body relaxed him. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling himself closer to her body._

_Bookman were not allowed to have friends, or even to love. However, maybe they would make an exception if it was with another Bookman?_

_No, they would never do that. Jessica and he were Bookman, nothing more, nothing less. They would never be lovers or friends. The sooner they faced that reality, the better. Despite that, Lavi decided that he would enjoy this night, deciding to deal with the consequences later. For now, Lavi would enjoy Jessica, before she disappeared from history forever._


	4. Chapter Four: How They First Fought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the first four chapters in just one day, so if they seem to be getting poorer in quality I apologize. I've not limitd myself to writing one chapter a day to ensure that I don't do stupid crap. So after this chaper, I hope it gets better! Thank you!

It had been a couple weeks since they had their late night truth session. It bothered him; it bothered him so much that he had confessed so much to her. Bookman was the only one who knew so much about him, but even then it was only because Lavi was his apprentice. 

Despite them sharing personal experiences, he knew little about Jessica, like who her master was, how they died, or what they were even like. She was an enigma and he didn’t know if it was intentional or if it was just her hardly ever discussing herself. However, whenever he asked he would often receive a satisfying answer, leaving him to believe that maybe he just needed to ask more questions.

He remembered the first time that they ever fought, how vicious it was, how angry they both became. The words they said to each other haunted him, like a long lost spirit. This was the first time that they both seemed to really understand the weight of their words, even after everything settled down.

_~…~_

_They were both in the cafeteria, eating their preferred meals. Lavi was eating yakiniku and Jessica slowly eating away at her bowl of beef stew. Lenalee sat down next to Jessica, hoping that she would be eager to help her with her new project._

_Lavi had been pulling pranks on people left and right since making his debut to the Order. Besides constantly calling Kanda by his first name, Yuu, Lavi had also found his way to go as far as stealing the lenses from Johnny’s glasses, replacing Reever’s lemon soda with alcohol, and he even once time hid Lenalee’s favorite stuffed animal from her. The only person he never pranked was Jessica, possibly because he just had too much respect for her, or he was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. Either way, Jessica paid no attention to what her companion did most times, but Lenalee felt it was time to take him down a peg._

_Lavi finished his meal, he was about to greet Lenalee, when Lenalee gave him a serious glance._

_“Lavi I need you to leave for a little bit.” The Chinese demanded._

_The confused man looked at her, “Why?” he asked quizzically._

_“Jessica and I need to discuss girl stuff.” Lenalee looked at her fellow exorcist, hoping that the girl wouldn’t argue. Jessica smiled and turned to face Lavi. “Sorry dude, but it looks like I’m needed.” Lavi began to pout, “Oh come on! I’m a guy maybe I can give you guys advice on how to reel in guys!~”_

_Lenalee sighed, not sure what to make of his excited outburst. “I mean, if you guys are talking girl stuff than that means you’re talking guys right? So who is the luck y man Lenalady?” Lavi cheerfully questioned, his curiousity eager to be fed._

_“Actually, Jessica is the one who needed to talk to me about a guy.” Lenalee looked at Jessica with pleading eyes, hoping that the girl would just go with it. Jessica met her eyes, not saying anything. Giving Lenalee the feeling the girl heard her pleas._

_Lavi’s cheerful expression suddenly disappeared as he gazed at his blonde friend. She silently took a sip or her drink, her face not giving away a single emotion. Damn her Bookman skills._  
  
“You like someone Jessica?” Lavi questioned slowly. 

_Jessica looked at him, her golden eyes reminding him the fields of wheat he used to wander through as a young boy. She simply shrugged her shoulders, not giving away a single clue as to what was going in her mind._

_Lavi’s shoulders began to sag a little. His chest felt light, but at the same time heavy. The lightness could be described as anxiety, but the heaviness resembled a deeper emotion, one that he wasn’t familiar with. Maybe this was jealousy? Why as he jealous though? He was starting to get angry, not with Jessica, but with himself. With all of these emotions going on inside him, he felt unstable. He felt like that the slightest thing would make him burst. He felt fragile and vulnerable at the moment. Jessica and he were nothing more than friends, so therefore their relationship didn’t matter and it shouldn’t matter. He tried to slow his speeding heart down by convincing himself that whoever this guy was, it was only temporary and it didn’t mean anything. Despite that, he still felt anxious. Why?_

_Lavi tried to hide his disdain with a smile. Jessica looked at him curiously, his smile was obviously fake. Maybe it was because she wasn’t allowed to get involved with people? Maybe he was taking it as her trying to separate herself from the clan? She did tell him how she felt, maybe he thought she was betraying her teachings. That possibility froze her to the bones. She had no intention of leaving the clan, but maybe Lavi didn’t take her words that way. Her heart started to beat faster, anxiety tying itself up in her stomach. However, she quickly remembered that she wasn’t really actually interested in anyone, it was just something that Lenalee had made up in an attempt to get Lavi to leave. Despite that realization, Lavi still believed it to be true that Jessica had taken on some kind of lover. Damn that stupid rabbit, why did she care what he thought?_

_“Well I’ll you two alone then. If you want my help, you can find me in the library!~” the red-head did a quick wink and started to march off. He sounded cheerful, but his sagging shoulders seemed to say otherwise._

_Jessica looked at Lenalee with annoyance, “This better be good Lenalee. What’s up?”_

_Lenalee seemed taken aback by her friend’s irritated words, “I wanted to see if you could help me plan a prank against Lavi?”_

_“What? Why?”_

_“He has seriously been driving every one crazy with his crazy pranks! I’m all up for a laugh, but he crossed the line with stealing my precious…Komuikins…” Lenalee felt embarrassed just saying the name of her stuffed bear, but it was important to her, something Komui gave to her before the Order forced her to join them._

_Attempting to avoid the bad memories, Lenalee quickly focused her attention again on Jessica._

_“Do you have any ideas on what to do?” The pigtailed girl happily asked._

_“No. Honestly, I think it’s best that you leave him alone.”_

_“Why?”_

_“In our line of work, you rarely get to have fun. I know these pranks can be considered annoying, but it’s just his way of having fun. I think right now you should just let him enjoy it, because just as much as you need Komuikins to sleep at night, Lavi needs these pranks to get him through the day. Do you understand?” Lenalee noticed that whenever Jessica talked about Lavi, her eyes would always light up. She seemed so passionate about him having fun that Lenalee felt that maybe she was right. This war they were fighting, it took some kind of toll on all of them. Maybe Jessica was right, maybe they should just leave him be._

_“You like him, don’t you?” the young girl questioned her older friend._

_Lenalee was surprised to see Jessica get flustered, her face suddenly turning red. “N-no! I would never see him that way! He’s just a stupid rabbit! He’s lazy, he can’t take anything serious, and when he looks at you, you feel like he’s peering into your soul and it is the creepiest thing ever! Of course I don’t like him!” The blonde ruffled her hair, leaving it in a tangled, frizzy mess. Lenalee laughed at her friend’s childish behavior. It was rare to find Jessica in such a girly state, most times Jessica was quiet so it was a nice change of pace._

_“Sure you don’t.”_

_“I really don’t like him Lenalee!”_

_“Sure, I believe you.”_

_“Lenalee!”_

_~…~_

_Lavi paced back and  forth around the library, he wasn’t sure how he felt about these turn of events. The books that the Panda had assigned were left untouched by both young Bookman, as Lavi was too busy pacing and Jessica was too busy watching the troubled red-head pace._

_Lavi went from trying to figure out who Jessica could possibly like, to deciding that he should warn Jessica about her choices as they might get her in trouble, or if he should just leave her alone all together. He wanted to warn her, to remind her of who she really was, but he didn’t even know who he was anymore, so how could he tell her to be someone that even he struggled to be._

_“Lavi…” her small voice awoke him from his deep thought._

_“What is it?” the red head snarled at her._

_“Excuse me? Did you just give me attitude?” the young blonde defensively questioned._

_“No.”_

_“Yes you did!”_

_“No, I did not!”_

_“You totally did you little red-haired bastard.” She venomously stated._

_“You know what, believe whatever it is you want to believe. I don’t feel like arguing with you.” Lavi spat back._

_“Fine.”_

_“Fine.”_

_The tension in the room caused both of them to shift uncomfortably about. Jessica was having a hard time focusing on the assignment, and Lavi was having a hard time pacing without his anger boiling up again. He wasn’t usually an angry person, but with all of these untamed emotions running around, he found it hard to control his other emotions. It wasn’t Jessica’s fault, and he knew it, but she seemed like an easy target._

_“You better not forget who are. You’re nothing more than a Bookman, you have no need for a heart. The sooner you learn to accept that the better off you’ll be. You can go around gallivanting around with your so called ‘friends’ and ‘comrades’ but at the end of the day you’re here for one reason, one. To record. Don’t forget your purpose.” Lavi half waited for her to say something back, while the other half felt slightly horrified at what he said to her. He slowly turned to face her, wondering if he would see her angry or crying face. However, he was surprised to find her not displaying any emotion. However, even though her face betrayed no emotion, her eyes burned with rage, and her hands were balled up into tight fists._

_“I know my place, Bookman Jr.” the girl said through clenched teeth._

_“Do you really though? That speech you gave the other night about not knowing if you wanted to Bookman anymore didn’t mean anything?”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“No, you need to listen to yourself. We both have been working for this our whole lives. If you lose track of that, then you have nothing to live for. Becoming a Bookman is your job and that’s it.”_

_“Lavi, shut up.”_

_“No! You have no idea how ridiculous you sound right now!”_

_“What do you know?! You said so yourself that you’re just as empty as me, that you have also found yourself caring about these people. Don’t go acting all high and mighty just because you’re in a sour mood! I don’t need to listen to this, if you’re going to be an asshole, then I won’t bother with you anymore. I trusted you and you fucking threw it back in my face!” Jessica screamed at the raging male._

_“Just go be with whatever guy you and Lenalee were talking about.”_

_“What?! What are you even talking about?” the small girl jumped to her feet._

_“Lenalee said that you liked someone!”_

_“No, she did not!”_

_“Yes, she did!”_

_“You’re so fucking dense! First you throw attitude with me, then you insult me by questioning me as a Bookman, than you feel the need to throw all of those personal things I told you in my face, and then you expect me to just happily walk off with some imaginary boy?!” the girl demanded._

_“…yes…”_

_“You know what, fuck you Lavi, I know that you’ve been going through some confusing stuff, but don’t you dare take it out on me.” The small girl slammed her books shut and grabbed her papers. Her small body sped past him and out of the library, out of his sight._

_The silence in the room was deafening, he felt like he was going to suffocate._

_“What the fuck just happened?” Lavi asked himself in the empty room._

_~…~_

_Lavi quietly kept working on his assignment. He found it difficult to do at first, with his emotions running wild. However, he soon found himself relaxing as the familiar stench of ink and parchment reached his nose. Despite it being tedious work, he found reading and writing to be therapeutic. As he continued to write, his emotions began to settle, and like most times, hindsight began to kick in._

  1. _He was an asshole_
  2. _He knew that Jessica easily got defensive, so he should have expected her to get mad at him._
  3. _Jessica trusted him and he betrayed that._
  4. _His jealousy had no grounds._
  5. _He was still an asshole._



_These were the things he began to list on a separate sheet of paper, hoping that maybe writing out his thoughts would clarify what had happened._

_Maybe he did like Jessica, maybe he did see her as something more than just a fellow apprentice. If anything, she was probably the closest thing to a comrade he would ever have._

_He needed to apologize…but how? He was never good with this stuff, as most times whenever he was forced to apologize he never felt truly sorry. This time was different though, he really needed to apologize to her._

_As if fate was trying to help him, Lenalee entered the library and approached the working boy._

_“Yo, Lavi! What are you up to?” Lenalee questioned._

_“Nothing much…say Lenalee, how would you apologize to someone?” the eye-patched man sent her a pleading look with his only visible eye, making the Chinese smile pitifully at him._

_“Did you upset someone?”_

_“Jessica.”_

_“Oh. May I ask why?”_

_“I’ve just been in a bad mood lately, then when you said she liked someone it got to me, and I took my anger out on her.”_

_“Oh Lavi, how could you?” Lenalee whined her pigtails swaying as she shook her head._

_“I don’t know.”_

_“You know that I was joking about that guy right? Even then, just because I say girl stuff doesn’t mean just specifically guys! We could have been talking about periods, yoga, or even then we could have been talking about other things. Girl talk is not exclusive to guys Lavi.” The Chinese strictly scolded her older friend._

_“I know…I just need to apologize to her. Do you know how?” the young man begged._

_Lenalee sighed, placing her hand over her eyes, “Jessica can sometimes have a short fuse, but she’s also a reasonable person. You don’t really need to go above and beyond to get her to accept your apology. That’s one thing you should appreciate about her.”_

_Lavi nodded, accepting Lenalee’s answer._

_Maybe he had a chance to take back what he said. No. He couldn’t take back what he said…those things he said were forever left to linger in both of their memories. It was funny, how words, something we use every day could make or break something or someone. Words, who knew that something so minor something every one used every day could cause so much trouble._

_The Chinese left him to head off to bed, as it was getting close to eleven. The young Bookman continued to work on his assignment, his motivation renewed._

_~…~_

_It getting close to midnight when he finally finished. He stretched his arms over his head, hoping to ease the stiffness in his back.. However, he was not yet done for the night. He still needed to stop by Jessica’s room to apologize._

_He picked up his books and papers, hastily leaving the library. He felt like the longer he put off his apology, the harder it would be to fix things. It scared him, and it made him feel guilty._

_After going down two flights of stairs, he finally made it to Jessica’s room. He approached the door, choosing to just stand there for a second. He was going to knock eventually, but he needed to gain his confidence back. It was easier to pump yourself up when the thing that needed to be done was far off in the future, but when it came to right then and there, it became increasingly difficult._

_Lavi took in a deep breath and with a quick urge of confidence, knocked on the metal door. No one answered._

_He knocked again._

_No answer._

_He knocked again._

_No answer._

_Maybe she wasn’t there? No, she was definitely there._

_He knocked again, this time with more vigor._

_No answer._

_He sighed, he would give it one more time._

_He knocked._

_No answer._

_He wanted to walk away, but he knew she was there. All the things he said, they couldn’t wait till the next day, he needed to tell her now._

_“Um…Jessica, I know that you’re in there. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I never should have hurt you like that. It’s just that I’ve been struggling with my emotions for a while, not only with who I am, but also in regards to you. I don’t want to believe I was jealous, but maybe I was. It’s totally overrated to get jealous, especially with no reason to. I guess I just don’t want to be in this Bookman thing alone, it was nice to finally meet another apprentice and an apprentice who understood the same pain as I did. You’re really important to me and it’s just now that I realize that. I know attachments are forbidden, but I do consider you my friend…I want you to tell me about yourself, I want you to tell me your fears, your hopes, and I want to know you. Not just Jessica, but the person you were before you became the apprentice of a Bookman, the person you were born as. I’m sorry….I really am.” Lavi just let everything spit out like it was bad food, but in the end he felt good about what he said. It felt honest and right. He waited, hoping to hear a reply for the small girl, but he only got silence in return._

_“That was a nice speech.” He quickly turned around to see the beautiful girl standing behind him._

_“What?! You weren’t even in your room?! I was so sure that you were!” Lavi groaned out in embarrassment._

_She chuckled, a chuckle that made his heart flutter._

_“You’re forgiven, you know that right?” Jessica sweetly told him._

_Lavi’s emerald eye began to glow with happiness and a wide grin spread across his face._

_“All right!!” he cheered loudly. Hugging the small girl, spinning her around and around as he laughed and cheered. Jessica started to laugh uncontrollably, his childish demeanor made her feel warm inside, a feeling that she felt was hard to come by._

_Lavi set his laughing friend down, placing his hands atop her shoulders, resting his head against hers._

_He looked down, his emerald green eye met with her smoldering golden eyes. In that moment, they both felt time go still. All of the confusion of today disappeared, and all that was left was them in their own little world. Lavi looked down at Jessica’s lips, before glancing back up at her eyes. He took his right hand and placed it under her chin, turning her head upwards._

_They both started to breath more heavily, their heartbeats could be heard in their ears, and their stomachs coiled for pure anticipation._

_His lips slowly came closer to hers, nothing in the world could destroy this moment. Nothing._

_The sound of a heavy door being opened, knocked the two out of their transfixed state, leaving both of them in a state of confusion and shock. Lavi dropped his and from her chin and put his left hand behind is head, chuckling with embarrassment._

_Both of their cheeks were slightly pink, but both ignored the previous event, trying to make sense of what had almost happened._

_The culprit, Johnny, came down the hall, yawning as he went past them._

_“Heading back to work?” Jessica cheerfully asked, trying to distract herself._

_“Yeah, you know how it is being a scientist!” the man groggily but enthusiastically answered._

_“Well we’ll see you later! Bye Johnny!” both Bookman waved as their goofy friend disappeared._

_Lavi and Jessica looked back at each other._

_“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Jessica asked._

_“Yeah!” Lavi hastily replied._

_Jessica gave him a smile, a smile so pure that it reached her eyes. “I look forward to that. Goodnight Lavi.”_

_“Goodnight Jessica.”_

_Lavi started to walk back to his own room, even has he walked he felt like he was still in a daze. He didn’t know what had happened. One minute he was apologizing to Jessica and the next he was about to ki-._

_“AGH my head hurts.” Lavi groaned into the empty corridors, making his way back to his own bedroom._

_Jessica was already in her own room, her fingers touching her lips. Her heart was beating faster than she had ever felt before. What would have happened if he had kissed her? What would it have felt like? Were his lips soft? Were they warm? These questions began to invade her mind, making her turn bright red._

_“This isn’t good for my heart….” The young girl cried quietly to herself._


	5. Chapter Five: How They First Kissed

__

Lavi started having trouble with himself. His little speech in front of Jessica’s room opened a door of previously unknown emotions. He liked being honest with himself, but it also led to his confliction being more intense than previously.

After they almost kissed, Jessica seemed to keep her distance from Lavi. It wasn’t huge, as she still joked and hung out with him, but whenever the two were alone she would sit on the chair at her desk rather than lay next to him in bed, whenever in the library, she would refuse to initiate a conversation or even look him in the eye. A part of him felt like he knew why she was keeping her distance, but at the same time it hurt him.

He remembered the first time that they kissed; he remembered it so well because it was their first solo mission. It was the moment that he became addicted to her, to her mind, body, and her soul. Bookman hadn’t been there to stop them; Bookman could no longer contain the things the two apprentices had been suppressing for so long. 

_~…~_

_Komui had ordered for him, Bookman, and Jessica to go to his office around two o’clock. It was obvious that they were being assigned a mission, but why was Jessica going on this one? They never went on missions together._

_Lavi approached the Chief’s office, upon entering he saw his master and Jessica waiting for him._

_“Hey Lavi! Glad that you could finally show up.” The enthusiastic Chinese sang._

_Lavi chuckled, “Hey Komui.”_

_“I have a mission for the two of you. It’s located in Geneva, Switzerland. People have been reporting that Lake Geneva is being inhabited by what seems to be sea monster of some kind. It has been preventing the townsfolk being from able to do their daily tasks, such as fishing and transportation. We think innocence is in the area and we need you to find and obtain it. Understood?” Komui looked serious as he spoke, however, Lavi was curious about one thing. This didn’t seem like a mission for Exorcists._

_“Why do you think innocence is involved?” Lavi asked skeptically._

_Jessica snorted, “Besides the fact that there seems to be a giant sea monster?”_

_Lavi rolled his eyes at her sarcastic comment, choosing to stick his tongue out at her in defiance._

_“There has been an increase in activity of Akuma in the area according to our finders stationed there.” Komui quickly stated, interrupting the two._

_Lavi nodded accepting the Chief’s answer, even if it was a small possibility that Innocence was involved, the Order was in no position to ignore any potential leads._

_However a new thought came into his head._

_Why did Komui say two?_

_Jessica turned towards Bookman, her velvety voice burning him as she spoke, “Bookman, will you not be joining us on this mission?”_

_“Yes,” Bookman looked at both of his apprentices, “I’ve decided to let you two go this mission alone. Lavi needs to have experience with other Exorcists and he needs to better learn to take care of himself in situations that I may not be capable of helping him in. I also see this as a trial, for the both of you.” Bookman made clear to emphasize the fact that he was testing the two of them._

_Lavi and Jessica gulped. Could the two of them really be alone together? Since they almost kissed it had caused Jessica to keep her distance from Lavi and it caused Lavi to blush anytime he looked her in the eyes. It was like destiny was trying to dangle her in front of him, tempting him, testing him, waiting to see him crack._

_“You have an hour to prepare. Take care of yourself exorcists, and may God watch over you.” Komui said, leaving the two anxious exorcists to attend to their needs before leaving._

_~…~_

_They remained silent on the train, both not really sure what to say to the other. Lavi had never been on a mission with Jessica before, so it would be a change of pace to actually get to see her fight. He knew that her innocence was a glaive as she had shown it to him before. The long metal staff was embroidered with designs of leaves and vines, but where the blade attached to the staff it seemed like the designs came to life as they extended from the staff itself and held the blade in place. He wondered how she carried it around without it getting in the way, but she showed him how she could fold it in on itself when it wasn’t activated, a holster given to her to hold it._

_What really caught his eyes though was her exorcist uniform. Her Exorcist jacket was sleeveless, the collar extending to cover her neck; it was tight enough to outline her toned body, the crest lingering over her heart. Her black shorts ending at her upper-thigh with the holster, similar to his, resting on her right thigh for easy access to her weapon, however, she didn’t wear boots with this uniform, opting for what seemed like to be sneakers instead. When asked about it, she said it was because running in heeled boots was hard and her weapon required a lot of flexibility, so boots only got in the way of that._

_Lavi sighed; being alone with her was like torture. He wanted to talk to her about what happened, but at the same time he just wanted to leave it alone and act like it never happened. He wondered if this was what normal teenagers went through. However, he wasn’t normal, they weren’t normal._

_Lavi gave her a small glance, trying to determine what to do. Thankfully, it was Jessica who decided to break the silence first._

_“Have you ever been to Switzerland?” she calmly asked_

_“Once, but it wasn’t for long. It was more like we were just passing through. Have you been here?”_

_“A couple times.”_

_“That sounds interesting, wanna tell me about it?” he eagerly asked, hoping to finally break the ice between the two of them._

_She smiled at him, and then turned her attention to the scenery zipping past the window, “I was once here back when I was about twelve. My master and I were trying to get to Italy, we were going there to record some man who claimed he could work miracles. I remember it so vividly because it was the first time my master let me wander around without their supervision, so I was eager to explore. I got lost though, and my master found me crying in an alleyway right when the sun was setting. I remember how angry they got, it was super scary!” Lavi smirked._

_“My master was a nice person, but at the same time…distant. What you and Bookman have is not something that I had with my master. My master took care of me and taught me everything they knew, but ultimately they never gave any indication on whether they actually cared about me or not. I think you’re lucky to have a master who cares for you.” Jessica’s voice grew quieter with each sentence. Unlike Lavi who had known affection and appreciation from his master, it seemed that Jessica’s master chose to remain indifferent to her existence, which possibly made her insecure about who she was and if she really did have the skills to become a Bookman. Maybe that’s why she thought she was failing, not because she was, but because she didn’t know what was considered okay._

_Lavi instinctively put his hand on her head, rubbing her head affectionately. Her eyes went wide for a second, blushing from the contact. Lavi casually took a piece of her long hair, letting her soft hair run through is fingers. His eyes softened when he looked at her, not only because she was beautiful, but because she seemed like a small child being appreciated for the smallest things. It was like she was excited to get reassured but also embarrassed._

_Lavi felt an urge kick in, he wanted to kiss her again. He couldn’t do that, that wasn’t right. He quickly pulled is hand away, shoving it into his pocket. Choosing to look out of the window._

_“We’ll be there soon so we should probably rest up.” He simply stated._

_Jessica nodded, letting silence fill the train car again._

_~…~_

_It was going to take them most of the night to get to Switzerland. The train was even more silent than before as most, if not all, passengers were asleep. Lavi had already fallen asleep, but Jessica just couldn’t fall asleep, she had too many thoughts on her mind_

_Lavi had only been at the order for six months, but he had already affected her so much. When she first met him, all she saw was a mirror. Someone who reflected the same emptiness as she felt. But after some time, she realized that they were different, as he was more firmly placed in his duty as a Bookman, his position and beliefs never wavering._

_He admitted to feeling empty, he admitted to losing faith in humanity. She remembered the time that he reminded her of her Bookman duties, but maybe it was more to remind him than it was to remind her._

_He obviously felt something towards her._

_Jessica looked over at the sleeping red-head, a small smile crossing her face. Her kind eyes watched has his chest heaved up and down in slow, quiet breaths, the moon illuminating his fiery red locks. She felt sorry for him._

_A part of her wanted to accept his feelings, but at the same time she knew her ability to be a Bookman was being compromised. She didn’t want to compromise his chance. He needed to become a Bookman that was his destiny._

_She couldn’t ruin that._

_She needed to control herself._

_But if he was looking for something, for someone, maybe it should be her. If he was already failing to keep his emotions in check, then he would only break with someone else. The thought of him being with another girl made her grimace._

_To leave him or to accept him, that was a choice that she had to make._

_~…~_

_Geneva was a beautiful city, the people, the rustic buildings; it was all so new and fresh to him. That was one thing he loved about being an exorcist, he got to go all over the world._

_After settling in the hotel they both decided it was probably for the best if they split up and gather information on the current assignment. Lavi had decided to go scope out the lake itself, trying to gather information from stranded tourist and fishermen who were left without work._

_Lavi walked down to the pier to get a better look of the lake. It seemed calm, like not a single thing could shatter how tranquil it looked. Maybe it looked so tranquil because there were barely any boats on the water. Only a few men felt like it was worth risking their lives to embark out onto the water._

_The most information anyone had was that a couple weeks ago a huge storm had come into the area, lightening striking the water. Not long after that the sea monster appeared. Most described it as a giant snake with big white eyes. When it first appeared, people saw it was an opportunity to sell its meat to earn money, but the monster couldn’t be destroyed, it was almost like it was being protected by something. Many fishermen had described their spears breaking as soon as it made contact with the monster’s scaly skin. For fear of it, most fishermen avoided the lake. This was going to be a tough mission._

_Lavi took in a deep breath; a part of him wished that Jessica had come with him. Whenever she wasn’t around it was easier to ignore his cravings for her, but he felt so intoxicated when he was with her, making him want her more and more. It was like she was a drug, a drug that called to him no matter what he did. He needed to focus on the mission._

_He examined as many boats as he can before he was scolded by an older gentleman to stop messing with things that weren’t his. Despite this, he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, not a single boat had been touched or destroyed. Lavi was confused, if he was a sea monster being attacked, wouldn’t he fight back?_

_“Lavi!” Jessica came running to him, her voice calling him back to current time._

_“Did you find something out?” he yelled back to her._

_She finally reached him, bending over to huffing as she held her knees._

_“I haven’t found out much. I’ve found a few people who have seen it, them all saying that it kind of looks like a giant snake living in the water and that it is most active at night.”_

_“At night?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_Originally Lavi was skeptical of this mission, thinking it was just a long stretch to make a connection with a monster and Innocence. However, the more he learned the more he started to agree that maybe something was up._

_“Did they say anything else?”_

_“Nope.”_

_“I see.”_

_“I say that we come back later tonight, when it’s darker, and get a closer look at this ‘sea monster’. Yeah?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_~…~_

_Lavi and Jessica sat at the pier, waiting. Lavi paid most of his attention looking out into the dark water, using his sensitive eyesight to try and spot movement. Jessica was busy looking up at the sky lost deep in thought._

_“When I was a child, I thought that the stars were gateways into heaven.” Jessica quietly muttered._

_“Did you now?” Lavi inquired._

_“Well I mean we all had ridiculous things that we believed in when we were little.”_

_“I suppose so.”_

_“Did you have anything that you believed?”_

_Lavi stopped to think a moment, trying to assess if he ever had any childish ideas._

_“Yeah…I used to think that when it rained, it was angels crying.” He shyly confessed._

_“That honestly sounds kind of beautiful.”_

_“You think? I honestly think it’s kind of funny.”_

_“Well, think about people like us. People with no one. When we die whose going to cry at our funerals?”_

_“Don’t make it dark.”_

_“Too late.” The girl giggled._

_Lavi’s face darkened, he didn’t want to think about things like that, he continued to look out into the water, his eyes continuing to scan the water._

_“Lavi…do you believe in God?” the words coming out breathy and quiet, Jessica looked down into the water, trying to make sense of the darkness beneath the surface._

_“Why are you asking me that?”_

_“I don’t know, just curious.”_

_“Hmm…I don’t know what I believe in all honesty. There are so many different versions of the afterlife and of God that I feel it is impossible to know what there really is.” He looked at her, watching the moonlight illuminate her small figure. “The way I see it is that no matter what is on the other side, whether it’s something totally uncomprehend able or nothing at all, I believe that everyone should make the most of the life they have, simply because you really may not have another one.” His words came out with confidence, leaving Jessica stunned at his honest, deep words._

_“You’re silly.”_

_Lavi laughed and nodded his head, “Indeed I am.”_

_Jessica looked up from the black water, shock spreading across her face._

_“Lavi! Something is moving!”_

_Lavi looked back towards the water, quickly trying to find the source of movement Jessica was seeing._

_A little glowing light was barely visible, it moving erratically. Lavi and Jessica stood up, trying to get a better view at what they were looking at._

_Suddenly the water began to thrash around rapidly, waves and splashes of water violently cascading around the glowing light. Suddenly a giant pure white snake came to the surface, screeching a horrible noise. Attached to its back was a dark gray, mechanical looking crab, biting into the snake’s flesh? The source of the glowing light coming from the snake’s head._

_“The Innocence will be mine!” the crab like creature screeched into the night sky._

_“That’s an akuma!” Jessica stated to her fellow companion._

_“No shit Sherlock and a level-two at that.”_

_“It said something about Innocence. Do you think it’s taking about the snake?” Jessica questioned._

_That glowing light…a lightning bolt hit the water….what if that was the Innocence planting itself inside of the snake? The effects of the Innocence caused it to grow, turning it into what seemed to be a sea monster. This akuma got to it first, but Lavi was sure that he and Jessica could obtain the Innocence before the akuma could destroy it._

_“We need to let the Akuma kill it.” Lavi looked at his friend, confusion on her face._

_“Why would we do that?!”_

_“The Innocence is in its head, if we defeat the Akuma now, it’s only going to go back underwater and we would have to wait another whole day to try and get it again. It’s not the most ethical approach, but if we let the Akuma kill the monster then we can swoop in, take the Innocence, and destroy the akuma. Do you follow me?”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_The snake opened its mouth, trying to bite the akuma that was viciously crushing its neck._

_“Lavi, once the akuma kills it, I’ll swoop in as a distraction. After I distract it, I’ll freeze the water and retrieve the Innocence, while you finish it off.”_

_“Freeze the water? Besides, I don’t like that.”_

_“We don’t have much choice in the matter! Now hurry up and get ready, that snake obviously doesn’t have much time yet.”_

_The snake gave one last final screak; the sound of the bones cracking underneath the Akuma’s weight was enough to make both exorcists cringe._

_Jessica removed her glaive from its holster, a small glow emitting from it._

_“Innocence Activate.” Lavi watched as her weapon unfolded itself, Jessica preparing an attack stance._

_“Innocence: Fallen Moses!” she tapped the staff into the water, Lavi watched in amazement as the water began to freeze, the ice catching the snake before it fell into the water._

_“What?!” the Level Two looked towards the source of the ice, seeing none other than the two Exorcists getting ready for battle._

_“Exorcists?! This is my Innocence!” it ferociously barked at the two._

_Lavi sighed, twirling is small hammer around his hand, “Actually we’ll be taking it.”_

_The crab like akuma, jumped from the snakes body, landing on the thick ice. “We’ll see about that!” It quickly came charging at the pier, causing both exorcists to jump away and run towards the center of the lake. It was hard to do on ice, but this was the only way they could fight, neither one of their weapons allowed them to fight on water._

_Jessica ran toward the fallen snake, while Lavi watched as the Akuma turned around, getting ready to charge again._

_“I don’t like Exorcists! Take this you bastards!” the akuma opened its mouth, several balls of lights forming. One by one the orbs crashed into the frozen lake, leaving empty holes. The ground shook violently with each hit, prompting the Bookman Jr. to dig the tip of his now bigger hammer into the ice to keep him from sliding around._

_Once the ground calmed, Lavi freed his hammer, “I’m getting tired of this! Big Hammer, Little Hammer grow grow grow!!!” The hammer grew into an unimaginable size, leaving the Akuma stunned. “Now, let’s finish this. Innocence Level Two: Fire Seal!” The kanji for fire suddenly appeared beneath the Akuma with a hit of his hammer a giant fire dragon consumed the Akuma leaving it to scream out in agony._

_The fire disappeared leaving Lavi feeling accomplished, but the feeling was short-lived. The akuma laughed manically, “It’s going to take more than that to kill me, Exorcist.” The akuma swung his leg at Lavi, sending the young Exorcist flying, a sharp pain in his abdomen._

_“Lavi!” Jessica screamed at her injured friend._

_This whole time she had been trying to dig the Innocence out of the snakes head, but like the rumors said, it had scales of iron. She saw Lavi start to stand; his bandana had fallen leaving his long messy red hair free. The Akuma turned its attention towards her. “You won’t take that Innocence from me!” It began to charge up its orbs again, shooting them towards her. Quickly she took her glaive and placed it into the ice, “Innocence Level Two: God’s Protection.” The orb came directly her way, making contact with the shield that her weapon had summoned just barely on time. However it was not enough to keep her and the snake from falling to the water below._

_“Jessica!” Lavi screamed as the girl and the deceased snake fell beneath the surface._

_Every bone in his body wanted to jump in after her, but the Akuma would never give him the chance. He angrily looked at the Akuma, “You’re dead you fucking asshole!” “Extend!” his hammer quickly extended making contact with the Akuma causing is to fall over. “Maybe I should have tried harder the first time.” The red head chimed as he got ready to prepare another fire attack against the akuma. His innocence wasn’t that strong yet, but he hoped with his newfound vigor and aggression he would be able to destroy this akuma once and for all._

_“Innocence Level Two: Fire Seal! GIVE IT ALL YOU GOT!” the fire dragon appeared again going straight up into the sky before turning around and smashing into the akuma. Before the akuma could even scream, it exploded, the force causing Lavi to tumble on the remaining ice._

_Lavi breathed in heavily, his Innocence naturally shrinking back to its normal size. Lavi scanned the battlefield, but the smoke from the akuma was too thick, making it difficult for him to see anything._

_“Jessica! Jessica!” he called out._

_No reply._

_“Jessica!”_

_A small gasp and the sounds of heavy pants would be heard from within the smoke. As it began to thin, Lavi made out the Jessica’s silhouette, he didn’t realize it until her saw her that his heart had been pounding furiously._

_Jessica pulled herself from the water, her glaive in one hand and a small object in the other._

_Lavi ran to her aid._

_“Jessica!”_

_“Yo, Lavi! Look…what…I…got.” The girl spoke in-between pants. She extended her hand, the green material known as Innocence between her slim fingers._

_“Good job.” Lavi sighed with relief, she scared him._

_“Oh Jessie-chan, you’re soaking wet!” the young man quickly removed his exorcist coat, wrapping it around the wet girls body._

_She smiled at him gratefully, her Innocence folding in on itself once again as she placed it in her holster. Lavi extended his hand to her, which she gratefully took and stood up._

_“We should head back to the hotel.” Her breathless voice muttered._

_“Yeah.”_

_~…~_

_Jessica was in her hotel room sitting in her pajamas, silently sitting on her bed braiding her wet hair in an attempt to keep it tame. She had entrusted Lavi with the Innocence and asked him to talk to the Chief about their find. She didn’t really feel like talking, she was exhausted._

_She wrapped herself up in the covers, welcoming the softness of the bed and the warmth of the blankets. She started to close her eyes when a loud knock emitted from her door._

_With a groan she sat up and removed herself from the comfort of the bed and approached the door, intent on hurting whoever it was that dared to disturb her._

_There he was standing in the hallway, a huge grin across his face._

_“Hey Jessie-chan.” She smiled whenever he called her that._

_“Hey Lavi…do you want to come in?” he nodded walking into the small room. Jessica quickly retreated back to the bed, sitting on the edge while Lavi just stood there, he looked uncomfortable._

_“Hey…is everything alright?” she called out to him. Her concern made him smile; he waved his hand, “Yeah.”_

_“You weren’t injured were you?” she asked._

_“Not really, my abdomen is probably going to have a killer bruise tomorrow, but I’ve been through worse.” He happily sneered._

_He was ridiculous sometimes._

_“However, I did come here for a reason.”_

_“Oh…why is something the matter?” she asked him innocently._

_God…he hated how she acted so innocent, he hated how she acted so pure. He eyed her; she had braided her in hair into a side braid, her bangs covering her vision. Her pajamas consisted of a tank top and a pair of fabric shorts. Even though she was a Bookman-in-training like he was he felt like he was garbage compared to her._

_“I came here to see if the lake would be unfrozen by tomorrow morning…I mean with the monster being gone people are probably going to want to get back into the fishing game as soon as possible.” He hated his explanation, it sounded dumb._

_“Yeah it should be.”_

_“Good.”_

_He stood there awkwardly, not sure what to say anymore. He absentmindedly scratched at his head hoping that he could trigger something. He looked at her again; he had been worried about her when he saw her disappear from his sight. He knew that she would be okay, but at the same time the ferocious pounding of his heart made sure to remind him that he felt something towards the girls, something more than just a friend._

_She stared at him, intertwining her heads in an attempt to distract herself from the awkward silence that seemed to have formulated between the two._

_He kept staring at her, his gaze examining every part of her body. He liked her…there was no way around it._

_“I like you.” The words uncontrollably slipped through his lips. Realizing what he said the red head quickly blushed and turned around, rushing towards the door when a small hand grabbed his wrist._

_She pulled on it, causing him to have no choice but to turn around and face her._

_In times like these he usually found Jessica to be emotionless, but this time she looked shocked, confused, but at the same time…happy._

_“What do you mean you like me?” she whispered._

_His heart was so strong he could hear it in his ears; he could feel it in his head, his hands becoming clammy with anxiety. He licked his lips, “I like you that means exactly what it sounds like.”_

_She frowned at his answer, “No do you like me as a friend or are you talking romantically?”_

_“Romantically.”_

_“Oh.” She looked troubled, her gaze avoiding his. Her small warm hand still grasped his wrist, preventing him from running._

_He felt embarrassed because he knew confessing that he liked her was dumb. But he felt satisfied at the same time because if she was going to reject him, which she was, it was better to do it now before he started to feel anything deeper. It was better this way…_

_Her eyes met his…despite all of his embarrassment…he had to kiss her, at least once. He lifted his arm, her hand freeing his wrist so he could bring it up to her face. His caressed the back of his hand along her smooth cheek, making her shiver at the contact. He placed his hand on her face, maintaining eye contact._

_Even as he inched closer, she made no effort to escape, because as much as he wanted this, she wanted it as well._

_He got close enough that she could feel his warm breath brush against her lips, making her take in a deep breath. Slowly both of them began to close their eyes, as he got closer and closer._

_She turned her head so he would have better access to her lips, her eyes shut. She felt a smooth, warm pressure against her lips and the sweet smell of his breath filled her lungs. Both breathed in deeply as they had their first kiss. Jessica placed her hand against his face, as his lips pulled away. Both of them opened their eyes, both their cheeks warm._

_They both felt drunk, their stomachs knotted, their heartbeats racing. Without any hesitation Lavi leaned in for another kiss. Their lips gliding smoothly together. Lavi moved his hands down towards her hips as Jessica wrapped her arms around his neck in hopes of deepening the kiss._

_Lavi’s tongue grazed over her bottom lip, asking for her permission to let his tongue explore. She opened her mouth slowly, his tongue scraping against her teeth. She was going to fight him for dominance, she just let his tongue trace over hers. Using his teeth he pulled her tongue into his mouth, slightly sucking it. She gave a small moan, making the red head grip her thighs harder._

_He quickly turned her to where he once was and stepped back, letting himself fall onto the bed. Jessica broke the kiss, a trail of saliva hanging from their mouths, both breathing heavily to gain back whatever oxygen they missed out on. Both of their eyes were half-lidded with desire, the growing lust inside them was starting to lose control.  He pulled her hips, causing her to fall into his lap, straddling him. His hand began to rub against her body, feeling her curves and her smooth skin. She squirmed slightly; all of this kissing made her body more sensitive to his touch._

_She tangled her fingers in his red locks and pulled him closer; she bit at his lip, asking for access once again. Their tongues danced together, they both felt hot, their blood coursing with adrenaline. Lavi began to trail his fingers up her shirt, causing the girl to panic._

_She quickly pulled away, grabbing his hands to stop him._

_“No….not yet.” She could barely get the words out._

_He breathed heavily, his eyes screaming lust._

_He nodded his head, “Not yet.”_

_She smiled at him and he returned the smile. He knew what not yet meant…and he liked it._


	6. Chapter Six: How They Almost Got Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does contain things of the sexual nature.

That first kiss…how amazing it was. Lavi still felt his heart stop just thinking about it, thinking about her lips against his. He had kissed girls in the past, but it was never out of pleasure, it was mostly to gain information that either turned out to be entirely useless or they never had the information he sought in the first place. Kissing had always been a game to him, but Jessica…she wasn’t a game.

Lavi at this point had decided to ignore the confliction growing in his head. He knew that what he had with Jessica, what Jessica had with him was taboo. But like in most tales, the more forbidden it was, the more it was desired.

Jessica had been adamant at this point on not going any farther than kissing, which he didn’t mind too much. Between the make out sessions in the library and in her bedroom, he sometimes found it hard to control himself, but he never begged as he respected her decision. He knew why she was hesitant to go any further, if Bookman were to find out, it was better to have no gotten too involved with the other. It was something they knew they would both have to face in the future, but at this point they wanted to enjoy each other’s company. They knew it would have to end eventually.

Lavi remembered the first time that they almost got caught, how the terror almost stopped what they had started, but in the end it only fueled them more. This was the point that Lavi knew he was losing control, not only of his body, but of his emotions.

_~…~_

_Once again like most nights, the two sat in the library working on whatever assignment had been given to them. It was late at night, most people were asleep, however Lavi and Jessica were still awake despite the heavy exhaustion they both felt._

_Jessica silently placed her pen back on the table, reaching for a near empty cup of coffee, hoping to suppress the fatigue till she could get done. She took a few gulps and set the empty cup down, annoyed that she had no more coffee. Lavi quietly pulled his headband off, finding it more annoying to have on than to not._

_Since getting back from their mission in Geneva, the library had sort of become a rendezvous point for the pair in their romantic escapades. She couldn’t look at the library the same way afterwards. It was no longer a place filled with knowledge and information, it was now the symbol of their lust._

_She didn’t regret kissing him, that much as true, but she knew that she was holding him back._

_The other night while they studied, Lavi had walked behind her, brushing his fingers through her long hair, pulling it off to the side while his warm lips grazed against her cheek and her forehead trying to earn her attention. Giggling at the contact she turned her head to face him, only for him to firmly press his lips against hers. Their kisses always started out innocent, but passion always quickly overcame them. The warmth of his skin, the wetness of his lips, the magic of his tongue made Jessica drunk with giddiness and excitement._

_His tongue always ventured into her mouth first, exploring every inch of her small mouth. This kiss was different though, normally she would just let the young man do whatever he please, but tonight she felt confident. She wrapped her tongue with this, eager to explore his mouth like he did hers. Lavi gripped her hair loosely in his hand and pulled her closer to his lips, finding her need for dominance alluring._

_Jessica had pulled away, her lips tingled, and their heavy breaths filled the silent room. Lavi turned her head to the side, dragging his lips delicately down her neck, making the girl squirm from the ticklish but oddly erotic sensation. Lavi mumbled something into her neck, the vibrations of his husky voice made her sigh. He slowly began to plant small kisses along the side of her neck, trying to find her sweet spot. She giggled with each kiss, until he kissed her right where her neck met her collarbone, making her let out a shaky breath. She could feel him smile against her skin, making her feel more vulnerable. He dragged his lips back up her back, planting a small kiss next to her ear._

_Before she could react he pulled her sleeve down, exposing her shoulder, and bit down on her shoulder, making her moan out of surprise and out of pleasure. The feeling of his sharp teeth against her skin caused her to feel many different emotions, it was enough pressure to elicit a reaction, but delicate enough that she knew it wouldn’t leave a mark._

_Lavi’s other hand found its way to the bottom of her shirt, his thin fingers hinting that he wanted to remove the piece of fabric._

_This needed to stop, she couldn’t let it get this far._

_She jerked her head away from him, causing him to let go and look at the small blushing girl. Her body screamed with desire, but it was an urge that she had to ignore._

_“We shouldn’t do this.” Was all she said with labored breathing._

_“I understand.” That was all he said on the subject._

_She felt guilty…she knew that she was torturing him, but she just couldn’t find the confidence to let him take it to the next level. He was the first person she had ever experienced these things with, she felt like she had expectations to meet._

_Besides her low self-esteem, she didn’t want to get too close to him. The further they got, the more intimate they got, the more deep their relationship would become. If they were to get caught, they would definitely be forced to stop. If she were to fall in love with him, would she really be capable of stopping if she was told to? She didn’t think she would be._

_Jessica blushed at the memory of their latest interaction, causing her to slam her head into the table in hopes of distracting herself. Sadly though her random outburst not only distracted her but always distracted Lavi from his work._

_“You alright?” he asked with a tired voice._

_“Yeah.” She replied just as groggily._

_“Are you sure? That sounded like a huge thud.” Lavi childishly pointed out. Even with as tired as he was, he always smiled._

_“I’m sure.”_

_“Okay.”_

_Jessica looked up at him, her golden eyes meeting his green. She loved the color of his eye._

_Lavi smiled at her and went back to writing his reports, trying to get done as quickly as possible. Despite being exhausted, he wanted to spend time with Jessica. It was nice having her in his presence when he worked, but it was another thing to be able to converse, to be able to hold her, to be able to kiss her…_

_Jessica lifted her head from the table and continued writing, both of them trying to focus on work and not on each other. For some odd reason, this felt like it was going to be a long night._

_~…~_

_It was close to two in the morning by the time that they both finished. Both of them grabbed their personal books and papers, both happy that they could finally sleep. As much as Lavi wanted to sleep, he wanted to spend more time with Jessica._

_Hey…maybe he could kill two birds with one stone. Since they had started their thing, Lavi hadn’t slept in Jessica’s room, mainly because Jessica wouldn’t allow it anymore. When they were just friends it was okay because the fear of doing something was never there, but now the possibility was there._

_They both walked the empty corridors, Lavi casually grabbed Jessica’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Just simply touching her was enough to make him giddy with happiness, as he never thought it was possible to have something like this with someone. The warmth of her hand reminded him that he was alive, that despite how hard in the past he had tried to separate himself, that he was human._

_Jessica squeezed his hand, getting his attention. He looked to find the two of them standing in front of her door. He knew that he needed to let go, that it was for the best if he just went to his own room. But tonight he didn’t want her, he just wanted to be able to hold her, feel her breath on his skin as they both fell asleep. Tonight he wanted to just feel connected to her._

_“Hey…would it really be so bad if I stayed in room tonight?” his voice pleading._

_“It wouldn’t be a bad thing, I just don’t think it would be wise.” She calmly replied._

_“What if I promise not to do anything? I’m just as tired as you are, so….”_

_“No, Lavi.”_

_“Please.”_

_“No.”_

_“Pleeeeease?”_

_“Lavi…”_

_“I promise that as soon as we get inside I’ll lay down and go to sleep. We don’t need to do anything.” He firmly stared, hoping that his promise was taken seriously._

_She was silent for a moment, considering his request._

_She gave a sigh of defeat, “Fine, but remember we’re sleeping. Nothing more. Got it?”_

_“Yes ma’am!!”_

_Jessica quietly opened the bedroom door, letting Lavi enter before her. Lavi, like he promised went to straight to the bed, removed his boots and is shirt, before promptly laying down. Jessica shut the door quietly behind her, locking the door. On night when Lavi stayed the night in the past, Bookman had a tendency of opening the door without knocking, it was a habit that annoyed her to no end._

_Jessica turned to find Lavi laying on the bed, his toned and well-built chest exposed to her. She didn’t mean to stare, but it was times like these that really reminded Jessica just how handsome he was. He casually looked at Jessica like he was just simply visiting an old friend._

_“Are you going to come to bed?” he asked, a huge grin spreading across his face._

_“Yes, but I need to change first.”_

_“Oh…well hurry up. ”Lavi looked embarrassed and turned his head to face the ceiling._

_“Okay!”_

_Jessica went over to her dresser, choosing to pull out a tank top and a pair of fabric shorts, setting them down on top of her dresser. Even though she didn’t want anything to happen, she liked the idea of teasing him, of having his attention._

_“Don’t look…” she quietly muttered as she began to pull her shirt off over her head, dropping it to the floor. She slowly unbuttoned her pants, dragging them down as slowly as possible before removing them entirely. Her body was now exposed, she was in nothing more than her bra and underwear. The bra was low cut, red, with lace covering the silky material the bra was made out of, the underwear matching. She just stood there for a second, even though Lavi had focused his attention on the ceiling, she wondered if he was looking at her. She wanted him to look at her, but at the same time she was scared for him to. What if he didn’t like what he saw? The possibility made Jessica anxious._

_“Lavi?” she sweetly called to him._

_“Yeah?” he replied, his gaze not moving from the ceiling._

_“Do I look okay?” her voice was hoarse and shook._

_He took in a deep breath, he wasn’t sure if she was testing him or not. He licked his lips trying to decide if he should give her a quick peek or not._

_“Is this a test?”_

_“No. I seriously want you to look at me.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_She remained silent for a moment as if she was trying to decide if she really was sure of it, “Yeah…I’m sure.” Her voice barely audible._

_Lavi took in a deep breath, not really knowing what to expect from her. He  closed his eye, deciding to sit up in order to give her his full attention, turning his body so that his legs dangled off of the bed. His hands gripped the sheets nervously._

_With one final breath to regain his confidence, he opened his eyes._

_She was an angel._

_She obviously looked nervous, her arms shyly hidden behind her back, her head tilted towards the ground, her eyes refusing to make contact with his._

_His eyes quickly scanned her body, using his Bookman skills to make sure that he remembered every single aspect of it. Her body looked smooth and thin, her muscles well-toned, a few scars noticeable on her flesh, but he didn’t mind that, it only made her look more real. His eyes wandered off to her chest, which had to at least be a C-cup, the bra leaving most of her chest exposed to him. Her breasts looked so soft. His eyes went further down, tracing her stomach, then he went down to where her underwear was, the thin fabric did a good job at accentuating her hips._

_He didn’t really know how to describe how she looked to him, all he knew was that he thought she was absolutely gorgeous._

_She glanced her eyes up at his concentrated face, her cheeks burning hot. Why did she think this was a good idea?!_

_“Lavi…”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“So…do I look okay?” she crossed her arms, pulling them closer to her body in an attempt to cover herself. The straps of her bra falling off her shoulders, dangling loosely on her arms._

_Lavi stood up from the bed and approached her, his eyes never leaving from her exposed figure. The way he walked over to her reminded her of a lion stalking a gazelle._

_“L-Lavi…” she heard her voice crack as he got closer and closer to her._

_Once she was in arms reach of him, he put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her closer to him, guiding her head to his shoulders. He bent down and with a husky voice said in her ear, “You look beautiful.”_

_Her heart skipped a beat, no it stopped, no…she didn’t know what was going on. It felt like her whole body was in overdrive trying to make sense of the situation._

_She uncrossed her arms and wrapped them around his waist, pulling him closer to her body. The skin on skin contact felt strange at first, but soon she found herself loving the feel of his skin on hers. It felt right._

_Lavi grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her away, causing her to let go of him. His face was tomato red and he looked away._

_“As much as I love looking at you, I did promise that I wouldn’t do anything to you…and seeing you like this…well it’s taking every bone in my body to not throw you down on this bed right now and have my way with you.” His brash honesty took her aback. He was really holding back a lot._

_“Well…I mean it is my room, so if I say that you have permission to do something, then you can it.” She quietly muttered. Her mind screamed, ‘what are you doing?!’_

_“What? I can’t do that. I don’t want to pressure you.”_

_“You’re not.”_

_“But…”_

_“You’re not pressuring me to do anything! It’s okay…” she put her hand on his cheek, making him look her in the eyes. Her face was serious._

_“Are you absolutely sure?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“We can stop whenever you want.”_

_“I know.”_

_Lavi stood there for a second, not really sure where he was supposed to start. He figured that he would start where he knew best, he kissed her._

_They both tilted their heads, her nose brushing against his check as he got closer, at first he pecked her lips, getting a feel for her lips. He grabbed her chin, angling upwards, as he pressed his lips firmly into hers. At first it was sweet, but he quickly let his hunger take him over. He moved his hand to the back of her hand, forcing the kiss to become deeper as he slid his tongue eagerly into her mouth. Her mouth tasted of coffee, but he didn’t mind. His tongue rolled over hers, sucking on it whenever she broke her way into his mouth. She moaned whenever he did that._

_He rested his hands on her hips, forcing her closer to his body. She could feel him starting to get hard, the sensation embarrassed her, but also made her feel proud. She had done that._

_He broke the hot kiss and started kissing her neck sloppily. He put his mouth in the crook of her neck and began to suck on the spot, causing her to throw her head back to give him easier access. She bit her lip as she felt him nip and suck at the spot, a small whine emitting from her lips._

_He pulled back, a satisfied smile on his face._

_“Oops, looks like I left a mark…~” he playfully teased._

_She sighed, not knowing if she should be turned on or if she should be mad._

_Lavi started kissing down her neck, kissing his way down to her collarbone, down to her breasts. He kissed the top parts of his breasts, her hands reaching up to tangle her fingers in his hair. He brought his head back up to her face, giving her another hungry kiss. His right hand snaking its way up to her breasts. He was at first unsure on how he should go about it, his inexperience showing._

_He slid his warm hand over her breast, let his hand just sit there getting a feel for it. He shifted his hand so that the entire breast sat in his hand, rubbing his thumb against the exposed skin. He could feel himself shaking, he was too excited. Jessica leaned in to kiss him, their noses colliding causing the two to laugh. They kissed again, letting themselves get lost in the passion. Lavi started squeezing her breast, trying to overcome his sudden shyness, eliciting a small squeak from Jessica._

_He pulled away his mouth, trying to get a closer look at her chest. The bra looked sexy on her, but it was getting in the way of his learning. Before the girl could freak out, thus ending this moment, Lavi quickly slid his hand beneath her bra, feeling her bare breast for the first time._

_He squeezed the soft flesh, feeling the erect nipple beneath his palm. Jessica wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to get herself stable._

_Lavi leaned in and started kissing her neck again, his grip on her breast tightening. Jessica moaned as Lavi nibbled at her collarbone, his tongue tracing random patterns on her skin._

_Jessica was experiencing so much as this moment and she wasn’t sure how to go about furthering their progress. She pulled away from the red-head, forcing him to look at her once again, him dragging his hand away from her warm chest. With eager hands Jessica rubbed her hands across his broad shoulders, feeling is muscles. She then casually grazed her fingers down his chest, going as painfully slow as possible hoping that it was teasing him. Her fingers reached the hem of his pants, she playfully tugged at it, trying to initiate a response from the obviously excited man._

_She began to unbuckle his belt, the two kissing each other._

_KNOCK_

_What…?_

_KNOCK_

_What the hell?!_

_KNOCK_

_Jessica and Lavi quickly pulled away from each other, their faces filled with pure terror. The terror increased when the heard the voice of their intruder…_

_“Jessica! Jessica! Is Lavi in there with you?!” their Master yelled into the door._

_Both just stood there, deciding on whether or not they should just pretend they were asleep._

_“Jessica! Open up!”_

_KNOCK. KNOCK.KNOCK._

_“There’s no way he’s going to go away, is there?” Jessica whispered towards Lavi._

_Lavi sighed, annoyed that the dumb panda had destroyed this night, “Probably not.”_

_SHAKE. SHAKE._

_Jessica looked towards the door, watching as the Old Man tried to open the door._

_“JESSICA!” their Master grew even more annoyed to find the door locked._

_Fuck._

_Jessica quickly looked around the room, running to her dresser. Trying to quickly put on her tank top and shorts. As Jessica was putting on her shirt, she look at Lavi, she was clearly horrified to find the young teen not making any effort to get dressed._

_“Lavi…” she venomously whispered to him._

_Lavi catching her tone, realized that he was shirtless and his belt obviously disheveled. Lavi quickly went to work on putting his shirt back on, fixing his belt._

_KNOCK_

_KNOCK_

_“Jesus! You guys are deep sleepers…” they heard Bookman mutter as he continued to bang on the door._

_Jessica had just finished putting her shorts on right as Lavi started putting his boots back on._

_KNOCK_

_‘This was supposed to be a good night, dammit Bookman’, Jessica thought to herself as she approached the door. She gave Lavi one final glance, the boy nodded, letting her know that it was safe to open the door now._

_She turned the lock slowly and opened the door._

_“Finally…” Bookman said when the young girls face emerged._

_Jessica tried her best to make herself look tired, but she didn’t know if the old man would buy it._

_“Sorry, we were just sleeping.” The girl quietly muttered as she looked Bookman in the eye._

_“I see…well I need Lavi. I went to the library to check on the two of you and found nobody there. Lavi and I have a mission early tomorrow morning, so I was waiting for him to come back to the room, but he never showed.”_

_“Oh…I didn’t know that. I just figured I would let him sleep here so that he wouldn’t disturb you. I’m sorry Master, it won’t happen again.” The girl bowed to him, hoping that she wasn’t giving away anything._

_“It’s quite alright.”_

_“Hey Panda.” Lavi pushed the door open more allowing for his slim body to leave her room._

_Bookman hit Lavi hard across his head._

_“You dumb idiot! I told you about this mission earlier! Were you not listening to me?!” the old man violently barked at his original apprentice._

_“Geez panda you didn’t have to hit me!” Lavi whined._

_Jessica sighed, it seemed like Bookman didn’t expect a thing._

_“Well I better be getting to bed, as well as you two, seems like you guys are going to be busy tomorrow.” She spoke, sad that Lavi would be gone._

_Lavi gave her a huge grin, “Don’t worry Jessie-chan, we’ll be back before you can even say ‘apple pie’._

_“Apple pie.”_

_“Damn!” both apprentices laughed._

_“Well goodnight.” Jessica chimed as the two of them walked away._

_Bookman stopped though, “Jessica…it seems you having something on your neck.”_

_“What?” Jessica rubbed her hand around her neck, trying to feel whatever it was Bookman was talking about._

_Then she remembered and her blood froze._

_Lavi gave her a hickey._

_“Oh…that…it’s just a mosquito bite.” she quickly tried to rationalize, hoping that he would accept her answer and leave it be._

_“No…that looks nothing like a mosquito bite.”_

_“I’m pretty sure it is though. See?” Jessica said while she hastily scratched at the mark._

_Bookman gave a tired sigh, “Maybe it’s cause I’m tired. Very well Mrs. Jessica. Have a good night.”_

_“Night.”_

_Lavi turned to look at the girl as he walked away, mouthing the words ‘good night’._

_Jessica waited till both Bookman disappeared before she shut the door._

_She fell to her knees, her hands on her chest, her heart beating rapidly._

_That was close. Too close._

_Maybe she and Lavi shouldn’t be doing this, it was too risky._

_No…she really liked Lavi._

_Lavi…_

_Tonight had been a great nice and the two had made a lot of progress. Jessica felt her burn from the memories of what had occurred._

_She shoved her face into her hands, shaking her head rapidly in hopes that she could keep her embarrassment from permanently scarring her._

_She needed sleep._

_~…~_

_Lavi hated that he had to leave._

_He missed her._

_The memories flashed through his mind as he laid in his own bed that night._

_He felt lucky that Bookman didn’t suspect a thing, because even though he scared the two of them, the possibility of not being with Jessica made Lavi’s heart hurt._

_Taking a deep breath Lavi gave himself a new resolve that nothing would ever keep him from Jessica. Nothing._

_She was his, she was his drug. The idea of not having her both physically and emotionally made him feel dark._

_Nothing would scare him, nothing could scare him._

_Lavi closed his eyes, his new sense of purpose made him feel light._

_He couldn’t say that he loved her, but he knew that whatever he felt for her, was powerful._

_‘Goodnight Jessica’ he quietly thought to himself as he slowly drifted off to sleep._


	7. Chapter Seven: How They Almost Made A Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter contains things of the sexual nature and alcohol.

It had been two weeks since their little escapade; Lavi’s mission took longer than was expected, leaving the man stranded with his master somewhere in Tibet. He hated that it had to be away from Jessica for so long, he was sure that she was mad at him. Bookman and he left early in the morning, long before Jessica woke up, and with how busy he had been he never found the time to even call her.

She probably thought he was an asshole.

He remembered the night that he got back from that mission, how when he arrived back to the Order he went to his room and took a long nap. He remembered how when he awoke, it was dark outside, making him jump out of bed. He quickly got dressed, checking to see if the old man was sleeping, he was, good. He needed to find her. He rushed out his room, and ran to the library, she wasn’t there. He ran to the cafeteria, she wasn’t there. He went to her room, she wasn’t there either. He was about to give up, when he came to the lounge. The fireplace was lit, on the couch she sat, a bottle of wine sitting on the ground, half gone.

She was so drunk.

_~…~_

_The lounge was honestly the last place he expected to find her; he would have missed her if it weren’t for the small fire in the fireplace illuminating her. He sighed with relief, happy that he had found her that he could explain to her why he didn’t call, why he didn’t go straight to her as soon as he got back. He approached her, hoping that his heavy steps would be enough to gain her attention. A loud snort erupted from the small girl, making him jump from the unexpected sound coming from the girl._

_What the fuck…?_

_“Jessie-chan…” Lavi hesitantly called to her._

_She turned her head sloppily towards him, her hair messily covering her face, a huge mischievous grin spreading across her face._

_“Lavi! You’re, you’re back!” she yelled to him._

_She quickly stood up, but her balance faltered causing the small girl to fall back onto the couch._

_“Jessica, are you okay?” Lavi worriedly questioned._

_“Ye-yeah I’m totally fine….I’ve just been sitting here you know, just doing me stuff.” The girl started to giggle uncontrollably, causing Lavi to smile at her awkwardly._

_Lavi scanned the room, trying to find the source of the girl’s strange behavior. Judging by her attitude, he already figured what the culprit was; he just wanted to confirm his suspicions._

_“Jessie-chan, are you drunk?” he cheekily questioned the girl._

_“No! There’s no way I’m drunk!” the girl bellowed out._

_Lavi leaned against the back of the couch, his head next to hers._

_“Are you suuuure?” he playfully teased._

_“God, why are you always asking if I’m sure, if I say it, then of course I’m sure!” the girl whined back, a small hiccup escaping._

_Lavi laughed, she was so drunk._

_“You are drunk!”_

_“No!”_

_“Really? Then explain that bottle of wine next to your feet.” He smirked, knowing that he had caught her._

_“That’s not mine!” he snorted._

_“There’s nobody else here Jessie-chan.” the red head retorted._

_“There was earlier.” She hiccupped again._

_He chuckled, god she was so funny when she was drunk._

_Lavi sat up and made his way around the couch, using his hand to tell the girl to scoot so he could sit next to her. Using his long arms, he grabbed the bottle that rested on the floor and took swig for himself, coughing as the tart liquid went down his throat, with a satisfied nod he set the bottle back down on the floor. Normally he would have been more than happy to keep drinking, but with how gone Jessica was, somebody needed to remain sober._

_Jessica leaned against him, her head resting against his shoulder. She looked tired and defeated, which contradicted her previously childish demeanor._

_“Why did you take forever to come home Lavi?” the small girl whined._

_“I’m sorry, things just took longer than expected.” He swung his arm around her, pulling her closer to him._

_“Oh okay…” her voice trailing off._

_Lavi turned his head and kissed her forehead, both just sitting in silence. His eyes wandered to the fire, watching as the flames delicately danced. Lavi smiled to himself, the pressure of Jessica against him, the rumbling fire, it was romantic. As much as he loved to make out with her, it was times like these that enjoyed the most, times where the two of them could just be lost in each other enjoying each other’s company. It made Lavi feel content._

_“I’m sorry that I didn’t go straight to you when I got back.” He whispered into her forehead._

_“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize for anything. I’m not mad. It’s part of our job.” She turned her head more, moving it forward. Her lips pressing against his. He smiled, she was so cute. He pulled away, trying to get a better look at her face. He felt something clutch his heart, something that made him scared but also excited. He didn’t know what it was but whatever it was, it made him feel ecstatic but also uncomfortable._

_Jessica started to giggle again, her giggling fit made him start to chuckle with her._

_“What is it Jessie-chan?” he inquired._

_“Nothing…I just feeeeel really safe with you.” She dug her head closer into his neck, her breath caressing it._

_He closed his eyes, rubbing his head against hers; it was his way of saying that he also felt the same way, but with her._

_Lavi removed his arm from behind her and slowly stood up, the girl falling into the couch. Despite how cute she was right now, Lavi knew that tonight he was going to be responsible for taking care of the girl till she sobered up, which would hopefully be soon._

_The girl just silently laid there, her eyes shut. He walked over the fireplace, working on putting out the fire. After that was done, he went back to her, snaking one arm around legs, the other wrapping around her torso. He carefully began to raise the girl up, she started to groan sleepily._

_“Lavi…” she sleepily called to him._

_“Yes?” he responded once he had a good grip on her, making his way towards her room._

_“I really missed you.”_

_“I really missed you too” he whispered as he went up the stairs, making his way up to the fourth floor._

_Once he reached her room he faced the dilemma of not knowing how to open the door. After a moment of hesitation, he used his arm that was holding her legs to reach for the door, turning the knob._

_He got the door open, good. After he made it through the entryway, he used his foot to kick the door shut. Hoping that the loud noise didn’t wake anyone._

_He walked into the dark room, almost tripping over a pile of newspapers. Jessica clung his shirt, but she kept her eyes still shut._

_Lavi thanked God that he finally made it to her bed, he didn’t mean to, but he just dropped her onto her bed, causing the girl to gasp out in fear._

_After the initial shock wore off, Jessica busted out laughing._

_“Oh shit, I’m sorry.”_

_“Nah…you’re good…” she said between huge fits of laughter._

_Lavi smiled at her, the feeling in chest from earlier started to come back. It was a feeling that he didn’t recognize, it felt oppressive but at the same time liberating. It made him want to jump for joy, but at the same time it scared it. What was this feeling?_

_Lavi had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t noticed Jessica had stopped laughing. Her eyes half-lidded, but were intently focused on Lavi._

_She reached out to him, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt, tugging at it in an attempt to get his attention. Lavi snapped back to reality, his warm eyes looking down at the drunk girl._

_“Wha-?” before he could ask what she needed, Jessica gripped his wrist tightly and pulled him down towards her, he gasped, catching himself on her bed. His heart pounding. It took him a minute to fully understand the situation that he was now in. He basically had her pinned down to the bed, his left hand next to her stomach, while is right hand resided next to her head. Jessica wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his head down her lips passionately colliding with his._

_He didn’t know if it was because she was drunk or if it was because she did it so quickly, but the kiss was sloppy, their lips messily colliding. Lavi tried to pull away, but her grip on him was tight. She was eager to deepen the kiss as she bit his lip, the pain causing him to open his mouth and allowed her tongue entry into his mouth. He could still taste the alcohol on her breath, but the way her tongue swirled around his, the way she pulled him closer, the way she tangled her fingers in his hair was enough to make him feel drunk himself._

_In moment of poor judgement, he let himself go, returning the kiss with as much eagerness as she displayed. He moved his hands to grab either side of her face; she sat up as he sat up, the two of them making out heavily, the heat between them was getting intense. Lavi pulled away, trying to catch his breath. Jessica rearranged herself to where she was now sitting on her knees, pulling herself towards Lavi, her mouth attacking his neck. He squirmed as he felt her tongue glide up his neck. She pulled away from him and kissed him again, moving herself so that she was straddling him._

_This was moving way too quickly. What was happening?_

_Jessica tugged at the bottom of his shirt, trying to pull it over his head. He lifted his arms to help make it easier for her, the girl removing the garment and throwing it to the floor. Jessica started kissing him again, digging her nails into his shoulders, making the boy wince. Damn she was being rough._

_Lavi grabbed her by the hips and forced her on her back, his body lingering over hers, Jessica pulled away from the kiss, confused by the sudden change of dominance. Lavi shoved his hand up her, grabbing her breast, surprised to find that she wasn’t wearing a bra. He squeezed gently at the smooth flesh, causing the girl to squirm under his touch. He leaned down to kiss her, the passion growing. His fingers began to trace around her nipple, before finally twisting it between his two fingers. The girl beneath him squirmed and squeak, turning her head to side, her face contorted. Lavi placed a kiss at the crook on her neck, making the girl give a small moan. He smiled, he was doing this to her._

_Lavi pulled his hand away and sat the girl up, deciding that her shirt needed to join his. Before she could lunge at him, he removed her shirt quickly. Both of her breasts now fully exposed to him. They were beautiful, both round and perky, her nipples erect from pleasure._

_Grabbing both of her arms, he pinned them down on either side of his body, he looked at her hungrily. He started kissing down her neck again, leaving little bites here and there. He began to suck on her sweet spot, right where her neck met her collarbone, making the girl squirm even more. He nibbled at her collarbone, the girl giving a deep sigh._

_“Lavi…” the girl whispered into the air. He wasn’t done with her yet._

_Lavi made his way down to her chest, showering her right breasts with kisses, before finally taking her nipple into this mouth. The girl moaned as he licked and sucked at the erect nipple, rubbing her thighs together. His hot tongue only intensified the pleasure, his teeth nibbling at the sensitive teat. He pulled away, making the girl groan out of disappoint, before he took her left breasts in his mouth. The girl wanted nothing more than to tangle her fingers in his hair, but he kept her arms firmly held down. Lavi heaved her chest up._

_The red head pulled away and began kissing down her stomach, his lips ending at the hem of her pants._

_“Lavi…” she begged him._

_Lavi released his grip on her arms, but before he could do anything else, she lunged at him; it was her turn to pin him down. Jessica began to trace random patterns with her tongue on his chest, causing the bookman to growl. She made her way down to the hem of his pants, she quickly worked on unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, his erection was far more obvious now. Jessica dragged her lips back up his chest, back up his throat, her lips capturing his mouth. She let her hand smoothly run down his chest, towards his pants. Her thin fingers parting the elastic of his underwear from his skin, his hand capturing his member in her hand as she began to pull on it. Lavi groaned as she worked on pumping his penis back and forth._

_“Jessica…” he moaned out at her._

_He just closed his eyes, letting himself get lost in the moment. The pleasure wasn’t intense, since it was obviously her first time doing this. Her inexperience was obvious, but she eager to learn how to please him._

_Lavi tried to figure out where this sudden burst of confidence came from, this was totally unlike Jessica. Then he remembered…she was drunk. Fuck, they couldn’t this._

_Lavi immediately jumped and gently pushed the girl from his body. She looked confused._

_“No…we can’t do this. You’re drunk you don’t know what you’re doing.” Lavi panted at the girl._

_“I know what I’m doing.”_

_“No you don’t. We need to stop.”_

_“No, we can do this.”_

_“Jessica, please.”_

_“Lavi!” the girl whined._

_Lavi reached down to the floor and grabbed his and Jessica’s shirts, throwing hers to her. The girl looked annoyed, but knew that no amount of arguing could change the young bookman’s mind. Both put their shirts back on, Lavi stood up, re-buttoning and re-zipping his trousers._

_Lavi turned around to look at the troubled girl, she was obviously mad at him._

_“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He lifted the blankets from the bed, covering her up. The girl silently laid down, burying her face in the pillow._

_Lavi leaned down and kissed the side of her head._

_“Goodnight Jessica.”_

_She said nothing._

_“Jessica…”_

_Still nothing._

_“I’m sorry but you’re not capable of fully consenting to this. I can’t do that to you. Just take the night to sleep on it and we can continue this when you’re more sober, but only if you want to.” The young teen whispered into her ear._

_The girl still didn’t say anything._

_Lavi sighed and walked to the door, he was about to leave when he heard her tiny voice say “Goodnight Lavi.”_

_Lavi smiled, “Goodnight Jessie-chan.”_

_He left the room for the night, already making plans to check on her in the morning._

_~…~_

_The next morning when Lavi awoke, he went straight to Jessica’s room, hoping to catch her before she left to go eat breakfast._

_When he got there he knocked on the door, Jessica answering it not long after._

_She looked like shit. Her eyes had dark bags underneath them, her face looked slightly green, and her hair was messy and tangled._

_Lavi smiled at her pitifully._

_“Good morning, Jessie-chan!” he chimed cheerfully at the girl._

_“Shhhh…”_

_“Are you hungover?”_

_“I think so.” She said hoarsely._

_“Do you want me to get you some medicine?”_

_“If you wouldn’t mind.”_

_“Not at all my little princess!” he was about to kiss her on the forehead but caught himself before he could. It was early in the morning and the halls were busy, someone was bound to see him if he did._

_Lavi took an awkward step back, “I’ll get you some water too yeah?”_

_She nodded appreciatively at him, “Thanks.”_

_Lavi turned around starting to head off towards the Medical Center, when Jessica pulled on his arm._

_“Hey Lavi…thank you for stopping last night. I really do appreciate it.”_

_Lavi gave her a small smile, “No problem. I’m sorry that it got as far as it did, I shouldn’t have let myself get lost in the moment.”_

_“No you’re fine. I forgive you.” Letting go of his arm._

_Lavi started to walk away when the girl called to him again._

_“What?”_

_“Maybe we can do it again….” She shyly confessed to him._

_Lavi’s eyes went wide._

_“I would like that.” His heart racing with excitement._

_“Me too.” She seductively whispered._

_God she was so sexy._

_Lavi gave her a small salute before disappearing from her sight._

_Jessica stood there for a second, trying to keep herself from screaming out in embarrassment. The memories of last night came flooding back to her mind. She kissed him, she bit him, she touched his…_

_Her face turned bright red, and it felt hot. She tried to shake the thought from her head, but the memory of how it felt, how thick and hard it was…it refused to leave._

_Lavi came back around the corner a water bottle and a bag of medicine in his hand, finding the girl steaming hot and as red as a tomato._

_“Are you okay?” he was concerned for her._

_“I-I’m fine!” she screeched at him, her face turning a deeper shade of red._

_He was so confused._

_“Do you have a fever? Ah! You feel warm. Are you sure that you’re not sick?”_

_Jessica waved his hand away, “I’m not sick!”_

_Lavi stood there not sure what was going on, but a tiny thought hit him._

_He looked at her wickedly, “Were you having dirty thoughts? “He asked mockingly._

_She froze._

_“No!”_

_“Really? Then why are you blushing so deeply?” he commented._

_“Be-because I am!” she barked back, hoping he would drop it._

_“Jessie-chan who knew that you were so dirty!” Lavi playfully jabbed at her cheek._

_“Lavi…” she groaned out of embarrassment, covering her eyes with her hands._

_Lavi laughed, she was so adorable._

_“Here, you’re medicine and water milady.” Lavi held out the materials he was sent out to fetch, the girl peeking between two fingers. She reached out to them, taking them happily._

_“Thank you.”_

_“You’re welcome.”_

_Lavi looked around the hall, trying to see if anyone was around. When he saw no one in sight he quickly leaned forward and gave the girl a small peck on her lips._

_She looked downcast, feeling sheepish all over again._

_“I’ll see you later, yeah?” he whispered in her ear._

_“Yeah.”_

_The red head waved at her as he walked away._

_Jessica grabbed her chest._

_Her heart was throbbing, her pulse racing. She felt like she was king of the world, but she also felt an ominous pressure. She had this feeling before._

_Love._

_She was in love with Lavi._


	8. Chapter Eight: How They Had Their First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants me to tag or add more trigger warnings , just please give me a message on what you want me to add and I will do so! Thank you!

Even though they two of them had agreed to spend time together, the Order suddenly got an increase in Akuma sightings and possible Innocence leads, causing the Exorcists to come and go on a daily occasion. In the past month alone, Lavi and Jessica had barely seen each other compared to how they used to hang out.

She missed his seventeenth birthday, she missed the time Kanda almost killed him, and all of his great pranks. The moments that he found himself starting to treasure, she wasn’t a part of.

It started to seem like that whenever Lavi was on a mission; Jessica was stuck back at the Order. Whenever Jessica was away, Lavi was home. It was starting to feel like fate was working against the two forbidden lovers, leaving Lavi in a depressed mood. Luckily though it seemed like they were finally going to be given a chance to spend time together, as Lavi was finally given a day off and Jessica had been injured on her last mission, leaving her incapable of combat.

He hated that she was injured. He should have been there to protect her.

He started to remember the first time they ever went out together, their first date. He was always hesitant to call it a date, partially because he wasn’t really quite sure what he and Jessica were at this point. Nevertheless though, it was a day that he held close to his heart and he hoped that she treasured it as much as he did.

_~…~_

_Today was the day that Jessica would be allowed to leave the infirmary, a moment that Lavi could barely wait for. He felt horrible that Jessica had been injured, when she came back all bandaged and bruised he felt distressed and pained. Watching her have to be dragged away to the infirmary made him realize that he was lucky that she had only been injured, the possibility of her dying left the young teen feeling broken. He never wanted to lose her._

_Lavi walked down the hall towards the infirmary, he was in high spirits. While she was bedridden he had promised that once she was better, if he wasn’t on a mission than he would take her down to town to do some shopping here and there, but also just to get her out after behind confined her so long. It was a promise that he was dedicated to keeping._

_Lavi had gotten all dressed up for the occasion, actually taking his time to make himself more presentable. It wasn’t like it was a date or anything…I mean what were he and Jessica anyways? They certainly weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe they could be considered lovers, but overall they didn’t really seem to have a label for what they were. Maybe it was because they knew that what they had could disappear at anymore moment or maybe they both were just too scared to. Either way, it didn’t change the fact that the two had something going on._

_As soon as he reached the infirmary, he tugged at his headband, hoping that it looked nice and straight. It straightened his back and carelessly opened the door, nonchalantly walking into the bright room that reeked of anesthetic._

_“Yo nurse, is Jessica ready?” his voice echoed through the room._

_The nurse, wearing a black gown with a white apron, turned to look at him, a huge smile on her face. Grabbing a clipboard the women nodded while flipping through papers._

_“She should be good to go!” her soothing voice cooed._

_“Alright!” he jumped, excited that he would get to spend the whole day with her._

_“Well you’ll have to wait a minute for her though. The doctor is doing his final check-up on her and then she’ll be free to spend the day with you.” She giggled and pointed to a small door in the corner of the room. “Man she’s so lucky to have a boyfriend like you!”_

_Lavi blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, “She’s not my girlfriend…” he shyly admitted causing the young nurse to gasp out in horror._

_“You’re not?! But you came to visit her every day; you brought her flowers and food! I’m sorry, please forgive me Master Exorcist for making such a careless mistake!” the girl bowed to him apologetically._

_“Nah you’re fine! It’s a common mistake.”_

_“I see…it’s strange though.”_

_“What is?”_

_“I guess I just figured that you were together since it’s obvious how close the two of you are. I don’t know, I mean, in my time of being here I have seen so much death and agony…seeing the two of you, it made me have hope that something good can come out of this stupid war.” She quietly murmured to the young teen._

_Lavi gave her small smile and placed his hand reassuringly on her shoulder, causing her to look up at him with awe._

_“We just have to keep moving forward.”_

_A small squeak could be heard as the door from what could be considered the examine room; a tall, portly man in a white coat exited the room, nodding and making notes on a small notepad._

_“Well Miss Exorcists, it seems that you are officially good to go!” the man delightedly cheered._

_Lavi stood there in anticipation, waiting for Jessica to come out of the room, waiting to surprise her with today. Jessica slowly made her way out the room, her golden eyes wide when she saw Lavi waiting for her._

_He gave her a cheeky smirk and waved at her._

_Despite the bandages that covered her arms and the gauze pads on her cheek, he still thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Her thin face, her big golden eyes, her small nose, her full lips, all perfectly came together to make her who she was it. She deserved so much more than this…she deserved to be more than Exorcist…to be more than a Bookman. She deserved a happy life, a happy life that he would never be able to give her._

_The young Bookman was deep in thought when a sudden noise woke him; Jessica had been snapping her fingers for a while. Oops._

_“How’s my favorite rabbit today?” she playfully inquired._

_Lavi groaned, ever since Kanda had given him that nickname Jessica had made fair use of it. When he asked her why she said it was because it fit him perfectly. To her he was both cute and fluffy. He still had no idea where the ‘fluffy’ came from._

_Jessica laughed, “Don’t worry, you’ll get used it soon…Rabbit!”_

_Lavi pinched the side of her uninjured cheek humorously, causing the girl to grimace._

_“O-ow” the girl said from beneath him, rubbing her cheek._

_Lavi and Jessica turned back their attention to the nurse and doctor, both laughing at the twos antics._

_Jessica gave both a bow, “Thank you for taking care of me”_

_They both bowed back and wished the two Exorcists goodbye, leaving the two outside the infirmary._

_“Are you ready to go to town?” Lavi asked the unsuspecting girl._

_“Town? Oh yeah, you promised you would take me.”_

_“Yeah, however it is pretty cold outside, it might even snow. So let’s go get our jackets and meet back at the entrance to the water tunnel?” he questioned his small companion._

_“Sounds good!”_

_~…~_

_The two of them had finally made their way to town, the small brick buildings consisted of many shops such as florists, bookstores, amongst other things. Lavi had always liked this quaint town; it reminded him of his home before…no he couldn’t think about that, that person, the person he was before, was dead now._

_Being out and about gave the two Bookman a chance to feel free from their constant obligations, thus leaving in them in higher spirits. Lavi and Jessica walked along beside each other, despite their jackets and the sun being out, both found themselves shivering. Lavi looked at the watch on his wrist; it was around three in the afternoon._

_“Are you hungry?” he looked down at Jessica, her hands gripping the collar of her jacket._

_“I suppose so.” She smiled, her hands were shaking._

_“Well there is a really good bakery around here. They make the best little cakes, but they also have normal food like sandwiches and stuff.” The boy could barely contain his excitement._

_“Yeah that sounds good!” she gave him a reassuring nod, god she was shaking so much._

_Lavi stopped causing her to stop in response, giving him a muddled expression. Without much thought, he quickly removed his black scarf and started wrapping it around her neck. The girl looked downwards while he worked at making sure it wasn’t too tight and that it was perfectly adjusted to her height._

_He couldn’t tell if her cheeks were red due to the cold or if it was because he made her blush, either way she was still cute._

_“Are you sure you don’t need it?” she asked him shyly, her hand rubbing against the knitted material._

_“If I wasn’t sure, than I wouldn’t have given it to you.” He grinned; proudly place his hands on his hips._

_Jessica giggled, “You’re so weird.”_

_“Of course I am! Anyways, we better get going, my stomach is starting to growl!” he didn’t realize what he was doing, but it just felt right, when he grabbed her hand._

_The moment the two intertwined their fingers, he swore he could feel the world come together. Time didn’t stop, his heart didn’t pound; he just suddenly felt serene. He had never felt this way about anything before._

_He had never felt so at peace._

_Lavi dragged her through the streets, at times squeezing her hand to make sure that this wasn’t a dream that he was in fact with her._

_After about a five minute walk, they finally reached the tiny little bakery that Lavi had mentioned before. Compared to the other shops standing about it was small and unless you were actively looking for it, you would probably miss it. The most striking feature about the building was the vast amounts of vines that coated the side of and most of the front part of the building. The wooden sign that hung above the door, read: ‘Morning Glory’._

_“How did you find this place?” Jessica demanded to know how such a quaint little shop like this could be discovered._

_“I’ve been spending a lot of time in town since I don’t really have you to occupy my time anymore.” he winked at the unsuspecting girl._

_Lavi opened the door for her, the smell of fresh baked bread made the hungry duo drool._

_“Hello Lavi!” a young woman with curly brown hair called from behind the counter._

_“Hey Clarissa! How has you day been?” the boy let of Jessica’s hand and approached the counter and began to casually speak with the older woman. Jessica just looked around the small shop, looking at the rows and rows of delicious treats displayed in the glass case, all of it looked so delicious._

_“So who is this?” the women Lavi called Clarissa, friendly asked the blonde haired girl._

_Jessica was too busy looking at the food to notice Clarissa’s inquiries._

_Lavi smiled, “That’s Jessica, my friend and my peer.”_

_“Oh she’s not your girlfriend?”_

_“Oh, no…”_

_“Well you’ll get her someday, how could anyways resist such a cute face.” The women cooed at the red head._

_“Maybe one day.” Lavi tapped Jessica on the shoulder. “Did you find anything you would like Jessie-chan?”_

_Jessica’s eyes kept scanning, her delicate finger pointing towards a chocolate covered dessert._

_“A chocolate éclair?”_

_“Yeah…” she shyly admitted._

_“Clarissa, one red velvet cake and a chocolate éclair please!”_

_“Coming right up, sir!” giving him a wink._

_The woman handed the two of them their choice of desserts and indicated to a tiny table in the corner for the two of them to sit together at._

_Lavi bit into his cake and watched as Jessica nibbled at her eclair, her mouth was so tiny. He wondered what it would be like to have those lips around his…nope! Stop!_

_Lavi coughed trying to shake his head free of his dirty thoughts, “Is it good?”_

_“Yeah, it’s really good!” she gleefully bit into the éclair again._

_Damn._

_She set down the éclair, her eyes intently looking at him._

_“Hey…after this I need to run somewhere and get something real quick. Alone, not with you.”_

_He looked confused, “What? Why?” This was supposed to a day for the two of them to spend together._

_“I just need to get something. I swear I won’t be gone that long.” She gave him a pleading look, hoping that he would understand._

_Lavi sighed; he knew that she wouldn’t go running off for no reason._

_“I guess I don’t mind. Why don’t you want to go alone?”_

_“Um…well it’s a secret.”_

_“A secret?”_

_“Yeah.” She took another bite of her éclair, obviously hoping that he would drop it._

_He nodded his head in understanding, “Okay. Do you want to meet at the town square…around six?”_

_“Why six?”_

_“Well if you’re doing something secretive, then I will do something secretive too! Besides, it’s almost Christmas. I need to get gifts for Lenalee, Bookman, Komui, and you…”_

_Jessica tilted her head to the side, “Oh me?”_

_“Yeah…is there anything that you want?”_

_“Nothing in particular. I’ll let you surprise me.”_

_“Alright! It’s a deal?” he held out his hand towards her._

_“Deal.” She took his hand and shook it._

_~…~_

_After he and Jessica parted ways, Lavi went wandering the streets trying to find presents for any one that he could think of._

_At this point he had already bought Lenalee a cookbook that Clarissa had recommended, Komui a new coffee cup, and the bought Bookman a journal that he could use for recording his papers._

_He just needed a gift for Jessica, but he had no idea what to get her._

_It wasn’t that he didn’t know what she liked it; it was more the fact that he wanted it to be something that was not only extraordinary, but was also meaningful. Something that displayed just how much he actually cared for the girl._

_He was so lost, but then a thought came to his mind._

_All day people had been confusing them for a couple…but they weren’t. It was a fact that the two of them had failed to ever actually figure out what they were._

_He didn’t need to change that. He wanted to change that._

_Lavi knew exactly what he was going to do._

_~…~_

_Jessica stood at the middle of the town’s square in front of the huge Christmas tree that the town put on display. She tired standing on her tiptoes, hoping she could see Lavi in the crowd of people._

_She held a bag tightly in her hand, the reason she went alone._

_She sighed; it was so cold that she could see her breath, and the sun starting to set._

_“Where the hell is he?” she quietly muttered to herself._

_“HEY!” Jessica looked towards the source of the sound, seeing the red head run towards her with dedication burning bright in his eye._

_“Lavi!” the man reached his destination, severely out of breath._

_“Sorry…that…I’m…late…”_

_“No you’re fine. Did you find everything that you needed?”_

_“Yeah…I can’t wait to give everyone there gifts.”_

_Jessica smiled, “That’s good.”_

_“So what did you get that was so secretive?”_

_Jessica’s eyes went wide, forgetting the bag that she had in her hand._

_“Oh yeah! This is actually for you…” she shyly admitted._

_“For me?”_

_“Yeah…you did so much for me while I was in the infirmary, you took me out today, and you’ve just done so much for me. So I got you a little gift.”_

_She held out the bag to him and he took it, his curiosity growing with each second._

_As he opened the bag, Jessica quickly explained, “I know your favorite color is orange and…” he pulled out an orange scarf. He looked at her, a total look of awe on his face. “You gave me your scarf earlier today and I just felt like I had to repay that.” She licked her lips, unsure and embarrassed. “I mean if you don’t like it I can always just return it or keep it or whatever.”_

_“I love it.” He smiled lovingly at her._

_Before she could even react, the boy embraced in her a tight hug, “Thank you so much…” he mumbled into her neck. He pulled away, but only enough so that he could look her in the eyes. He gingerly pressed his lips against hers, their cold noses brushing up against each other’s cheeks. At this moment, he didn’t care whether or not they were just friends, a couple, or lovers._

_In this moment, out on this winter day at sunset, the magical lights of the Christmas tree, it all came together in that exact moment. The emotion that attacked him every time he was with her. It was something filled him up, but emptied him at the same time. He felt it in his stomach, his skin; he felt it as deep as his bones. It had always seemed so complex in his mind, but now that he felt it in his heart, it was so obvious now._

_That one kiss, it changed everything. It changed his whole life._

_He was in love with her. So deeply and irretrievably in love with her._


	9. Chapter Nine: How They Broke Their Hearts

One of the hardest things he ever had to do was admit that he loved Jessica. At the time, he was so caught up in the moment, so caught up in her that he didn’t realize how that was a problem. They were supposed to become Bookman one day; they weren’t allowed to be in love, especially not with each other. It was a fact that the two of them had chosen to ignore for as long they both could, but now it was too late.

His feelings were too intense, they were too real. Well, because they were real. He loved her. He loved her. He loved her. The thought kept crossing his mind every time he was alone, in the shower, even when he tried to sleep.

Of course Jessica didn’t know that yet, that he was in love with her. He knew that he had to tell her eventually, he needed her to know. He wanted her to know.

He remembered how they were both forced to face the grim reality of their choices, how even though they tried all their might to ignore who they really were, it wasn’t enough to keep them falling apart. Even as dark of a time as it was, he never wanted to forget it, because it was a memory that he made with her. That was the thing about love, you take the good with the bad, because in the end no matter how bad it got, he still loved her.

_~…~_

_Lavi paced around the library, this thoughts racing. Jessica was of running errands for Bookman, leaving him alone in the library. He was supposed to be filling out reports and doing research, but he couldn’t get Jessica out of his head. Since coming to the realization that he loved her, he hadn’t been able to focus on much of anything these past few days. All he could focus on was her and her alone._

_However with this newfound sentiment also came dark thoughts. There was the realization that she might not return his feelings and that possibility scared him. That was the funny thing about love, it couldn’t be one of the warmest feelings that one could ever feel, but it could also be one of the most unforgiving._

_The worst part was that they weren’t supposed to love each other. He couldn’t be with her and she couldn’t be with him. Lavi had fallen too hard, he wasn’t sure he could ever recover from this._

_Could he really quit being a Bookman for her? Would she quit being a Bookman for him? He didn’t know._

_The more he thought about the situation, the worse it seemed to get. Besides loving her and not being able to love her, Lavi had gotten so lost in the love that he had decided to actually commit to her, to actually try and become her boyfriend. It was careless, he knew that. But it was instinct; he knew that he wanted to be with her._

_He went back to the table and sat down, hoping that he could dig himself in deeper than his feelings._

_The teen was in the middle of writing when he heard a small knock, Lenalee walked in with a slice of cake._

_“Today was Johnny’s birthday, so we had cake down in the cafeteria. I knew that you were busy so I came up to bring you some.” She said placing the plate with the thick slice of chocolate cake in front of him, a tiny fork sticking out of it._

_“Thanks Lenalee…” Lavi quickly went back to writing. The Chinese girl awkwardly lingered. When she didn’t leave, Lavi turned himself in his chair to face her, figuring that Lenalee wanted to talk to him about something._

_“Is there something wrong?” he inquired the younger girl._

_“Kind of, there kind of is a problem.”_

_He looked at her worriedly, “What is it?”_

_She licked her lips, and hesitantly spoke, unsure if she should say anything. “I heard that the Order has been thinking of sending Jessica back out into the field.”_

_Lavi narrowed his eyes, “What? Why would they do that? She just barely got out of the infirmary, she still hasn’t fully recovered. I mean, why?”_

_“With all the sightings and leads, I guess they feel that even an injured Exorcist is better than not having an Exorcist at all.” she looked down, playing with her fingers._

_Lavi cleared his throat, “Why are you telling me this?”_

_“Well I know how close the two of you are, and you were so worried for her when she came back in such a terrible state. I just figured that you should know.”_

_Lavi nodded, accepting her reasoning._

_“Well I guess that’s just war for you.” The disgust heavy in his voice._

_The raven-haired girl gave him a sad smile and with a small bow left him to be alone in the library._

_She knew the pain of this war more than anybody. Poor girl being forced to join when she was six, it just wasn’t fair. Children being used like they were machines, all the experiments they pulled, and now requiring injured Exorcists to keep working despite their condition, it was clear that the Order was desperate as hell._

_It didn’t matter whether he liked it or not though, he could do nothing about them sending Jessica off. As an Apostle of God and as a Bookman, it was her duty to go out into the field. As much as Bookman cared for him, it was obvious that he could care less for his female counterpart. Jessica was just someone that he was watching till she turned eighteen, and once that happened she would be shipped off to the clan to become a Master. Bookman wasn’t really her master, just more of her caretaker till she was old enough. Lavi started to wonder what would happen when she finally does leave. Will they go with her or will they stay to keep recording? Everything just seemed so uncertain right now. That was a far ways away though; Jessica wasn’t even seventeen yet so there seemed to be not point in worrying about it right now._

_Lavi exhaled, hoping to shake away any anxieties that seemed to creep their way into his and into his heart. For now, he would just take things one day at a time, everything would come together the way destiny intended to._

_For now, today required him to write up reports…yay._

_~…~_

_When Jessica came back from her errands she quickly went to the library. Realistically she was supposed to be there to do her own set of reports and research, but her actual intention was to see Lavi. Ever since that day they went to town, the two of them were closer than ever emotionally. Nothing had changed between the two physically, she didn’t know how to explain it, but they were just different._

_Once she walked into the library, all she found were books and papers scattered about, but no Lavi. The overhead lighting turned off, only the lamps on the tables illuminated the room._

_“Lavi!” she yelled into the huge room._

_Nothing._

_“Laaaa-vi!” she called again in a singsong voice._

_“Lavi!” she barked._

_THUD_

_She looked to either side of herself, trying to figure out where the noise came from. She cautiously walked further into the library, towards the bookshelves. “Lavi?” she whispered out into the poorly lit room. “Lavi?” she called again._

_Not a sound could be here._

_“RAWR!!!” a sudden pair of arms grabbing her from behind._

_“AHHH!” the girl screamed, grabbing at the arms that were wrapped around her waist._

_From behind her she could hear the familiar laughter of her peer; the girl put her hand on her chest trying to calm down her racing heart._

_“LAVI!” the girl angrily shouted at the still laughing boy, trying to break free from his iron grip. “Let me go!” she yelled, trying to suppress her own laughter. She quickly found her anger fading and joined him in his fun, laughing along with him._

_“Girl can scream!” the boy muttered from behind her._

_“Only because you scared me!” she spat back._

_“Oi, don’t give me attitude. I was only just having some fun; I mean you did leave me to do all of these reports by myself.”_

_“That wasn’t my fault! Why do I get punished?” the girl whined, still trying to break free._

_Lavi kissed the back of her neck; she could feel his goofy grin. “It’s not your fault, I just missed you.” He innocently stated, making the girl blush._

_He released his arms, allowing the girl to finally turn around and face him, but as soon as she was free he playfully punched him on the arm, “That was so mean!” she grumbled._

_“Ow! I’m sorry Jessie-chan, please forgive me!” he whined back._

_Jessica sighed out of defeat; there was no way she was going to win the whining game. He **always** won the whining game. _

_Lavi gave the girl a small peck on her forehead and grabbed her hand; guiding her back the tables were their work awaited them._

_“I’ve already done most of the reports, but I’ve barely touched up on the research so if you want to get started on that then that would be awesome!”_

_“Bookman doesn’t want us doing separate work?”_

_“Not this time, apparently there really isn’t enough information on the subject to let it be divided between two people, so he figured that we could just work together on it.”_

_“I see.”_

_The two Bookman sat down next to each other, Lavi explaining the situation to Jessica and then the two of them silently began to work._

_Even though they were each busy with their own tasks, they both liked just being able to sit in the same room as the other. Just being in each other’s presence was enough to keep the two satisfied for the time being._

_“So I heard that the Order plans to send you out again, and soon.” The red head quietly spoke, breaking the silence._

_“Yeah, I heard.”_

_“You knew?”_

_“Of course I did. Komui told me a couple days ago that they were thinking of sending me on a mission to Prussia within the next few days.”_

_“And you didn’t bother to tell me why?” Lavi asked his vexation obvious._

_Jessica gave him a curious look, “I don’t know, I guess I didn’t think it mattered.”_

_“Really so you didn’t think to tell me because you didn’t think it mattered?”_

_“Yes, exactly.” She could feel herself starting to get irritated._

_“I see how it is.”_

_“How what is?”_

_“Jessica…you were severely injured on you last mission. You not only were covered with bruises and scratches, but you also had several ribs broken and a minor concussion. It has only been about four days since you got out of the infirmary. Please tell me that you are not seriously okay with them sending you out already?” giving her a stern look._

_“Uh, I am fine with it.”_

_“What?! Why would you be okay with that?”_

_“Because it’s my job!”_

_“It’s not your job though! You’re a Bookman, not an Exorcist, or did you forget that?!”_

_Jessica felt a lump form in her throat, she swallowed hard. She was really trying to not to lose her temper, but god he was making it so hard._

_“No…I did not forget that…”the words barely audible._

_The tension in the air was thick and heavy, leaving both of them tense and in foul moods._

_“Then stop thinking like one of them and start thinking the way you’re supposed to think, like a Bookman.”_

_“One of them? Are you really trying to act like you’re different from them?”_

_“I am different from them, we’re different from them!” he snapped at her._

_“How are we different from them?!” the girl demanded, her voice getting louder._

_“We’re here to record and nothing else! We’re not Exorcists, were just made up characters who just play along and then once we’re done, we leave! They are nothing more than ink on paper and we are the writers who write with that ink!”_

_“But-“_

_“No buts Jessica! We don’t exist! Once we are done here, Jessica and Lavi are going die and everything about them will no longer exist! The sooner you accept the fact that, the better off you’ll be! Attachments are forbidden and you know it!” He didn’t know how the conversation turned in the direction…it was like one moment they were having fun, but then the next they were screaming at each other._

_Jessica felt her chest tighten, her heart felt heavy._

_“So you’re saying that Jessica and Lavi are the ones who spent late nights in the library, they were the ones who kissed, they were the ones that cared for each other, that was not you and I?” the girl questioned, her voice coming out raspy and forced. “Am I just part of your façade or do I actually mean something to you?”_

_Lavi looked down at the table, the weight of what he said finally hitting him._

_“I didn’t- I didn’t mean to imply…”_

_The words caught in his throat, he didn’t know what to say that could make up for what he already did say. Fuck, why did he have to get mad?_

_“You know what…I think I’m just going to do my work in my room.” The girl grabbed her papers and books, getting ready to stalk off when Lavi grabbed her by the wrist. “Jessica, I’m sorry what I said, really I…”_

_Jessica jerked her wrist away in with a harsh motion, “Don’t touch me right now.”  A blackness began to surround her, her whole body felt numb._

_Lavi sat there, looking at her back, his chest felt thick and oppressing. He fucked up and he knew it._

_“I need to think about some things.” The girl whispered to the boy before sprinting away._

_Oh god, he fucked up. He fucked up. He fucked up good._

_With a swift motion, Lavi slammed his fist in the table, causing the table to jump and his papers to scatter to the floor._

_He fucked up._

_~…~_

_In an effort to blow off steam, Jessica went to the training room. It was in the later hours so the girl was hoping that it would be empty, but the Order was a big place, and Kanda was always in the training room, well not always, but most of the time._

_Upon seeing the short-tempered Japanese, Jessica tried to turn around and leave, but she was too late. He had already spotted._

_“Oi, monkey, get over here and spar with me.” He ordered her._

_Jessica hesitantly started to turn around and walked over to him, hoping that he would sense that she wanted to be alone, but he was too dense to notice._

_“Grab one of those bokken and come over here.”_

_“Okay.”_

_If there was one thing she had learned about Kanda in the past couple of years was that it was easier to just go along with him rather than to fight him. She didn’t hate the Japanese man, but nor did she really care for him. Like all of the other Exorcists, she had been given his file to inspect, so she knew that he was product of the Second Exorcists experiments, so his attitude was justified, but sometimes it was just too much._

_Grabbing the bokken, she walked over the beautiful man, his blue eyes watching her every movement. When she was finally in front of him, they bowed at each other and, knowing Kanda since she had trained with him before, waited for him to attack._

_With a swift motion, Kanda raised the bokken above his head and slammed it down, the girl barely blocking the attack in time, causing her already poor footing to falter. Trying to regain her balance the girl took a swing, but Kanda easily dodged it and lunged for the small girl again. The wooden sword slammed into her shoulder, causing her to fall down on her back. Kanda pointed the sword to her face, he wasn’t breathing heavy or anything, just standing there like the beautiful bastard he was._

_“You’re off your game today.” He haughtily muttered to the girl._

_“Sorry about that, I just have a lot on my mind.”_

_“Che. I didn’t ask to hear your life story, okay?” he pulled the bokken away and started to walk off, Jessica lifting herself from the ground._

_She grabbed her bokken and was heading back to the rack to replace it, when she heard Kanda shout at her, “Don’t put it back, I’m still training with you! You need more muscle.” Jessica looked at him annoyed, he knew that she wasn’t in the mood for his antics, but he still intended on using her for training fodder._

_Jessica walked back over to him, standing in front of him and raised the bokken._

_Kanda glared at her, “First off, you’re holding it wrong. If you’re not holding it right to begin with it only makes it harder to control.” Her went up to her and her arranged her arms, making sure that she was holding it properly before he inspected her body, “Plus you’re stance is crap.” Kanda would point here and there, indicating where her feet should be and adjusted her shoulders; he placed his hands on her back and on her stomach and pushed them together, indicating that she needed to fix her posture. Once he was satisfied, he went back to standing in front of her._

_“Okay, first you need to gain more muscle. How the hell you have survived this long on just pure fucking grace is beyond me. Second, with your size it needs to be noted that you’re strongest point would be in your agility and flexibility. Third, make sure you pay attention to what you’re doing and to what I’m doing. Fourth, when you do go to hit, make sure you put your full body weight into it, to make up for the lack of physical strength. Got it?”_

_She nodded slowly, hoping that she really did understand. It wasn’t that she knew how to fight, it’s just that she really only fought akuma when it was necessary. She definitely would have been better if she had her glaive, but even then she could barely control it. Compared to Kanda and Lenalee, her synchronization rate was fairly low. At first, she didn’t care that her percentage was low, she was only here to do her job as a Bookman’s apprentice, but once she found herself caring about people, such as Lenalee, Kanda, and Lavi, it became something that gnawed at her self-esteem. What if her Innocence acted up in battle, leaving her incapable of helping anyone? Was she really okay with that? She didn’t know anymore, because everything was changing for her._

_Lavi was right; she was forgetting who she was as a Bookman’s apprentice.  She was starting to think more like an Exorcist._

_“Are you ready?”_

_Just when she opened her mouth to answer, the black haired man attacked her, hitting her firmly on the head, causing to fall to her knees and grasp her head._

_“What the fuck was that Kanda?” the girl screeched at him._

_“What? I asked you if you were ready.” Shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly._

_“Dammit…”the girl hissed._

_Kanda crossed his arms and sighed, “You’re too tense monkey. Come on; let’s go to the meditation room.” The boy held out his arm to her, helping her back up to her feet. Leaving their bokkens abandoned on the training room floor, the two ventured off into a nearby room that was used for meditation. It was mainly used by Kanda and Lenalee, but Jessica had never actually participated in the act with the two._

_“Do you know how to meditate?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Alright then, sit down and do it.” Even though his voice was harsh, she could tell that he was only trying to help._

_Kanda took a seat on the floor and after properly adjusting himself, he started to meditate, Jessica soon following._

_As much as she tried to clear her head, the fight she had with Lavi earlier still buzzed in her mind. She had felt the touch of lover’s scorn before, but not quite like this, this was different, this was Lavi. The charming, goofy, mischievous, red head who was her friend and also secretly her….wait, what were they exactly? They definitely weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, but they also never really classified themselves as being lovers either. Maybe that was the problem, the fact that the two had never really discussed the terms of their relationship, leaving it totally ambiguous and flawed._

_It became clear to her that all of this wasn’t about him and her, this tangled mess was Lavi and Jessica’s problem, it wasn’t theirs. All of the things that she had experienced with him, both physically and emotionally didn’t matter to him; it was all just part of his façade. Despite being an apprentice as well, she still fell victim to the lies that the Bookman are made up of, she had failed at recognizing her own tactics._

_Jessica was in love with Lavi, not her. He cared about no one, Lavi cared._

_She felt dumb for only just now realizing how naïve she had been to really think that she and Lavi were something special, that she was important to him. But she wasn’t important to him, she was important to Lavi and even that was starting to feel like a stretch._

_Lavi and Jessica would one day be excluded from history, just like their other aliases before. They only existed temporarily. This love affair was between them, not she and him._

_It was confusing to think about, but in the end the outcome was always the same. Jessica and Lavi would never have a happy ending, just like she and him would never have a happy ending either._

_It wasn’t until she felt a warm pressure on her shoulder that she felt the burning in her eyes as the tears streamed freely down her face. Kanda’s expression didn’t change from his usual stone cold gaze, but the gesture enough to try and comfort her, only made her start sobbing._

_When did she become an Exorcist? When did she start to care so much about others? When did she start walking away from what was supposed to be her destiny? When did she start to become Jessica?_

_The lack of answers only made the pain inside of her heart worse, causing her to sob harder and harder. Kanda never moving his hand from her shoulder, it was like he knew that she had being holding a lot of things back for a long time._

_She had fucked up. She was fucked up. They were all fucked up._

_~…~_

_Early the next morning Lavi, when Lavi awoke, he was surprised to find Jessica in his room, sitting at the desk in across from his bed. He sat up too fast, causing him to hit his head against bottom of the top bunk, making him cry out in pain._

_He waited for her laugh at his silliness, but she only remained silence._

_Something seemed off._

_“Jessie-chan I’m so glad you’re here there is so much I want to talk about, but first please let me-“_

_Jessica held up her hand, she didn’t want him to speak. She looked tired and frazzled a somber look on her face._

_Lavi felt unsettled, something wasn’t right._

_“Lavi…” her delicate voice echoed in his ears._

_“I think we should stop…stop seeing each other.”_

_“What?”_

_“I don’t think you and I should be romantically linked anymore.”_

_Was she ending things with him? No, she wouldn’t do that…_

_“What? Why?” her tried to ignore the panic that soared into his chest._

_“Because what you said yesterday, you were right. I am starting to forget my true purpose here; I’m starting to be Exorcist. Jessica cares about Lavi and she’s allowed to do that, but I can’t care about you, just like you can’t care about me.” Her voice never faltered, almost as if she had rehearsed what she was going to say._

_“Jessica please-“_

_“No! Don’t Jessica please this and Jessica please that…we both knew that we would eventually have to stop. It’s our fault for not letting it happen sooner; in fact we were never supposed to happen! You and I are just ink on paper; we will never be friends or lovers. We can’t be. The sooner we both face that reality and move on, the better off we’ll both be.”_

**_I love you,_ ** _his thoughts screamed._

**_Please don’t leave me!_ **

**_No, you don’t understand, I love you._ **

**_Jessica, I love you._ **

_Lavi had to painfully watch as Jessica walked out of the room, as she left him to wallow in his own self-pity and pain. His chest felt like it was going to explode; the air in his lungs was stuck, making him feel as though he was going to suffocate._

_In that moment he felt the weight of a million suns on his shoulders._

_Lavi loved Jessica…but **he** also loved Jessica. His love for her was no longer tied to just Lavi, it was tied to everything he ever was. His mind, his heart, and his soul, all of it kept working for her. She was the one who started to change him, because he wanted to be with her.  _

_Lavi jumped out his bed, rushing to put on his shoes and the scarf she gave him._

_He ran out of his room, he needed to find her. He needed her to know the truth that he really did love her, that he was Lavi. That everything that he said last night was just the mumblings of a person who barely understood his own feelings._

_His heart was racing, the air in his lungs limited as he ran to every possible location he could think of her being. She wasn’t in the library, she wasn’t in her room, she wasn’t anywhere._

_Lavi totally out of breath and alone paused in a hallway, trying to refill his deprived body. Lenalee came around the corner, hurriedly running over to the panting boy._

_“Lavi, is everything alright?” Lenalee asked him, concern oozing from her voice._

_“I’m…looking…Jessica…” Lavi said between panted breaths._

_Lenalee’s eyes suddenly had a sad gleam to them, her voice coming out soothing, but the words still jabbed him in the heart._

_“She’s not here. She and Bookman went on that mission to Prussia. Didn’t she tell you?”_

_“Oh…yeah she did mention that.” A sudden dark aura surrounding him._

_“She should be back within a few days.” The girl tried to reassure him._

_Lavi felt defeated and let himself drop to the floor, he felt so stupid. This was his entire fault._

_Thinking that Lavi was worried for Jessica’s safety, the young Chinese smiled at him, “I’m sure she’ll come back fine.” With a small pat of his head, the girl walked off, continuing her morning errands. As much as she wanted to help him, she as just too busy at the moment._

_As Lavi sat there in the dark hallway, his mind started to clear. He started to realize more and more, not only about himself but also about Jessica._

_He needed to get her back._

_With a strong, overwhelming purpose guiding him the red head made his way back to his room and sat in the darkness. He needed to tell Jessica everything, knowing that was the only way that he could get her back. He needed to make her fall in love with **him** , not just Lavi, but with **him**. _

_Going back to his roots, the young Bookman pulled out several pieces of parchment and began to write down everything that came to his mind. All of his feelings became so much more clear as he wrote and he hoped that it would be just as clear to Jessica._

_After hours of writing the young bookman finally stopped and stared at the several page document, looking through each one carefully, picking out the things he felt were more important for Jessica to hear._

_After spending all day and most of the night, editing and condensing everything down to one page, the young Bookman hesitantly began to sign it, a name that only Jessica needed to know._


	10. Chapter Ten: How They Reconnected

Since Jessica’s departure, Lavi had been spending his time reflecting and writing. Bookman wasn’t there to keep him occupied with work, so he was utterly alone. Of course he would spend time with Lenalee, sometimes Kanda, but at the end of the day, neither one of them could fill the gap that had formed in his heart. He didn’t blame her for the way things had turned out, he was the one who led her to the only conclusion she thought possible. This was his fault; he was the one who needed to fix things. The only problem was that he didn’t know how he was supposed to fix it.

Lavi had written her letter, a letter that he had planned on giving to her as soon as she got back. However, he had changed his mind. It was a letter that told her everything that she needed to know about him, about his feelings, everything that made him up. This letter meant a lot to him, and he realized that some words on paper weren’t going to fix the things that he had broken.

That letter….that would be the letter he would give her the night before she disappeared.

Lavi remembered the night that she came back, how after a week of not seeing her, he felt excited but also scared. He gave her a hug, smiled, and made sure she was okay, but they weren’t the same. That night he had wandered to the library in hopes of being able to drown himself into the many books that sat on the shelves. It took him aback when her saw her sitting there, standing as soon as he entered the room. During those next few hours, they cried and laughed out of joy and out sadness. Both learned that  love is not something you  can convince yourself to fall into or out of, it was something irrational and the reason humans to do it, the reason human’s still love is because while hate is just as powerful, love is the best thing human’s do.  

_~…~_

_Things were just too weird between the two of them. Jessica couldn’t look him in the eye, he couldn’t touch her. Lavi blamed himself for the turn of events, if he hadn’t taken out his own insecurities on her, then maybe he would still have her._

_However in the week that Jessica had been away, Lavi started to realize that there were a lot of problems that contributed to the end of their relationship. Jessica did have a point on saying that their Bookman duties would eventually get in the way, but there was also the fact that they weren’t even in a relationship. They had never figured out the dynamics of what they were, leaving them in strange place. As far as Lavi was concerned, neither one of them had ever had something this intimate before, so they were both treading on new ground. Also contributing to their current issues was that even though they talked roughly every day and worked together, they didn’t really know each other. He knew nothing of Jessica’s life before she chose the path of the Bookman; he didn’t know her favorite color, her favorite book, all of those things just slipped away from them. They were so eager to jump in that they had forgotten to learn about each other. Overall, it was a mixture of their duties and a lack of communication that led to the shocking conclusion of no longer being together._

_They were both at fault for these turn of events, a fact that Lavi could accept._

_He still loved Jessica, but he was longer focused on getting her back. His goal right now was to learn more about her._

_Well he thought it was something he was capable of, until he saw her, once she returned from Prussia. Seeing her in all her beauty, watching her walk towards him with a smile on her face, her thin arms wrapping around his shoulders in a tight hug, it was something that hurt him. She was acting like nothing had ever happened to begin with, leaving the young bookman to wallow in his heartbreak._

_When he went to the library that night, it was in hopes that maybe he could swallow himself so deep in a book that he would forget anything had ever happened. He walked through the door, his hopes high as he smelled the familiar stench of the parchment penetrated his nose, only to find himself face to face with her golden eyes. She looked just as beautiful as always, her long blonde hair perfectly flowing down her elegant body, she was wearing a cute short sleeved pink dress, the hem ending at her knees, a thin white jacket used to keep her warm in the cold room._

_At first, he tried to walk away, but her tiny hand grabbed him by the wrist pulling him back to face her._

_“Lavi, I really need to talk to you.” Her voice sounded desperate, her hand shaking._

_“Jessica, I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.” Lavi tried to remain calm, but hearing that she wanted to talk to him was more than enough to make his heart flutter._

_“Please…I know that I just got back, but I feel like things didn’t go well. I thought I was being smart ending things and then running off, but I only felt guilty. Please, can we please go to my room to talk?” her eyes pleading._

_Lavi licked his lips, hesitant to agree._

_“Okay, we can talk.” This was the chance he was looking for, the chance to be able to talk to her, to learn about her._

_The girl smiled, and walked past him, her grip on his wrist never receded, as she coolly guided him through the halls towards her room. The way she walked, how she walked with so much confidence, it was sexy to him. He wished he could have that kind of confidence with her, he wished that he could have her._

_Once they reached her room, she opened her door and walked in, her grip still firm. Lavi, with is free hand shut the door behind him, and turned back around to face the girl._

_“Now what did you-“ before he could even finish is sentence, she hungrily pressed her lips to his, arms wrapping around his neck using her weight to make him lean more into the kiss. He moved his hands to her shoulders, gently trying to push her away. But the feeling of her full lips against his, the sweetness of her breath, it only dragged him back down._

_He moved one arm down to wrap against her thin waist, the other hand gripped the back of her head, his fingers tangling the soft blond locks. They pulled apart, looking into each other’s eyes, trying to comprehend what they were doing. But they didn’t want to think about it, they just wanted to act. Lavi leaned in again, leaving the girl little time to react as he slid his tongue into her mouth, his entry welcomed with a deep moan as the girl traced her tongue along his._

_Jessica’s pulled at the bottom of his shirt, wanting to remove the material from his fit body. In that moment, Lavi wanted nothing more than to give himself to her, but he remembered how much he hurt when she left, how he felt like he was going to suffocate. No, this wasn’t right; she was the one who didn’t want to do this anymore._

_Lavi pulled away from the kiss and gently pushed her back, her eyes half-lidded with desire._

_“We shouldn’t be doing this.” He hated that the words had to come out his mouth, but he knew that it needed to be said._

_“I know, but the whole time I was away all I could think about was you. I missed you so much.” Her eyes started to well up._

_Lavi stared at the girl in shock, “Then why did you want to stop?”_

_“I didn’t want to stop Lavi! What you want and what needs to be done are not always the same thing.” Her voice cracked as tears started to slide down her rosy cheeks._

_“I tried to act like I didn’t care about you, that I could be without you but I can’t. Lavi, I need you.”_

_He didn’t know what to say, but he was surprised to find his heart calm._

_“Jessica, do you want to continue this?”_

_“Yes…no…I don’t know.”_

_“Stop it. Jessica, it’s either a yes or a no. I know it’s hard, especially since there are so many things working against us. I need to know…do you want to be with me?”_

_“Like, be your girlfriend?”_

_“Kind of, I’m asking you that if I wanted to make a commitment to you, would you be okay with that? Would you be willing to roll with me through the thick and the thin? No matter how scared you get, could you stay with me?” Jessica looked down at the ground, the tears streaming down her face._

_“I want to have something with you Lavi, but I’m scared. I’ve been in love before Lavi and it didn’t end well. I’m scared that what happened with that will only happen with you.”_

_“You’ve been in love before?”_

_“Yes…”_

_“See this is another problem!”_

_“That I’ve been in love before?”_

_“No, it’s the fact that I barely know anything about you. How are you and I supposed to be something when we don’t even know who we are talking to? I want to know everything about you Jessica, I want to hear all about your broken heart, I want to know what your favorite color, and your favorite foods are. I want to know your favorite book, what you like to do in your free time, and I want to know who you are, not just who Jessica is. How can I even think of loving someone who I don’t even know?”_

_Jessica looked down at the ground, sniffling. Lavi rubbed the back of his head and sighed, “I think I should go.”_

_Right when he was about to grab the handle, Jessica hugged him from behind._

_“His name was Geoffrey. My alias at the time was Genevieve; I was in charge of watching a small village rebel against the richer, more fortunate families, demanding equality. Geoffrey was a leader in the rebellion, a person who I befriended for the sake of getting information. Long story short, I fell in love with him and he was executed. My master and I left not long afterwards and ever since then I have found myself scared not of loving, but of losing the ones that I love.”_

_Lavi dropped his head and slowly turned to face, prying her trembling hands from his waist. He put his forehead against hers, “I’m sorry that happened to you. How old were you?”_

_“I was fourteen, he was seventeen.”_

_“So this as right before you came here?”_

_“No, there were a couple recordings in-between.”_

_He swallowed and pressed his lips to her forehead, the pressure of his lips helped relax the girl a bit._

_“As for everything else, my favorite color is black, I really like beef stew but potatoes are definitely my favorite, my favorite book is always changing but right now I’m really into Wuthering Heights by Emilie Bronte, and I what I do in my free time is be with you.”_

_Lavi smiled, she was such a smart ass sometimes._

_“What you said you wanted to know all, of those things.”_

_“I did say that, didn’t I?”_

_She gave him a small nod, giving him a small smile._

_“Oh, there is one thing that I forgot to mention though.”_

_“And what is that?”_

_“My real name.”_

_“You’re real name?” he pulled his head back; he was perplexed by the girls statement._

_“Yes my real name, the one my parents gave me.”_

_He felt his pulse start to race again; he could feel the air in his lungs contracting._

_“What is your real name?” he spoke in a hushed voice, his face slowly leaning closer towards hers._

_“My real…name…is…” she kept dragging on, trying to tease him. His lips getting closer to hers with each second that passed them by._

_“Charlotte.”_

_The name just slipped off her tongue, making Lavi shudder slightly, her voice was so sweet, so pure._

_His lips brushed up against hers sweetly, the contact soft and gentle. It reminded him of when they kissed down in the town square. There was no urgency, no lust, it was just simple._

_“Jessica…I really want you right now.” Her cold hands rested on the side of his neck._

_“I know.”_

_“Can I have you?” his lips sliding gently down the side of her neck._

_“No…” she whispered, almost completely out of breath._

_Lavi’s lips captured hers again, so warm that it reminded Lavi of a warm summer day. He wanted nothing more than to get lost into her, but she had never answered his question._

_With all of this strength he pulled away from her sweet lips, trying to ignore her moans of disapproval._

_“Do you want this with me? Do you believe that at some point in the future, you could commit to me if I asked?” his lungs felt empty, his heart threatening to burst._

_“I do.”_

_He switched their positions, forcing her back to the door, his body pressed up against hers._

_She said that she could, that she would if he asked her._

_Despite earlier in the day when Lavi found himself lost and alone, it turned out that he wasn’t the only one. He was so wrapped up in himself that he stopped to think that what Jessica wanted and what Jessica felt she had to do were two opposite things. He realized that sometimes in life you had to make tough decisions, even if you don’t want to make them. That was a burden that he had left Jessica to take on all by herself._

_No matter how much Jessica had tried to pretend that she and Lavi weren’t anything special, he mind and the heart were two separate things. Sometimes it felt like it was all connected, but Jessica knew that she loved Lavi. With that kiss they both learned that no matter how much you tried to, if you loved something, you would never let it go, not completely. It was a truth that as time went on the heart would heal, but that love would always remain, a ghost reminding you what could have been._

_When Lavi pulled away, with her small voice he heard her speak the words of an angel._

_“I love you.”_

_Lavi felt his heart stop, time stood still, and in that moment nothing could break him away from the spell that she had casted on him._

_He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled wrapped her up in his body, in his soul, hoping that she could feel his happiness._

_“I love you too.”_

_He choked on his words, tears threatening to fall from his exposed eye._

_He never thought someone could ever love him. He never thought he could love someone so much._

_Drunk on adrenaline and love, the two kissed again and again and again. Their hearts finally reconnected._

_They loved each other and that was all that mattered to the both of them at that exact moment in time._

_Lavi smiled, he wanted to spend every second with this girl._

_He kissed her more and more till finally their lips went numb, leaving the two of them shaking and panting._

_Nothing in this world could stop them now, not even Bookman._


	11. Chapter Eleven: How They Made A Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains alchohol (kind of) and things of a sexual nature.

Jessica loved him. It was a thought that had sped around his head thousands of times, but the more he said it, the more real it became.  He felt elated, but fear kept creeping into his heart. Once again they were back to the way they were before, but Lavi found himself wanting more.

All of these forbidden things, he knew he shouldn’t have her, but he wanted her too badly.

He wanted to make a commitment to her, but he didn’t know how. Well it just wasn’t that he didn’t know how, it was also that he didn’t know if he should. It was one thing to profess his love and to have sexual escapades with her, but it was a whole different thing actually having a real relationship.

Despite the conflict in his head, he already knew what he wanted.

He remembered how they spent their first Christmas together. He had such high spirits when it came to Christmas and to get to spend it with her, only made him feel even more intoxicated. That Christmas meant many things to him, but it was also the day that they two of them made a promise. A promise that he still kept, even though she was gone.

_~…~_

_Today was Christmas and all through the Order, people celebrated the holiday cheer. In all of his years, Lavi had never felt so merry about Christmas before. Christmas to him had always been desolate and empty, void of any special meaning. However, despite the war surrounding them, the Exorcists and company still found themselves all home and enjoying the holiday festivities that the Order provided._

_Lavi and Kanda had slowly made their ways to the cafeteria where Jerry had prepared an amazing Christmas dinner. Since Kanda and Lenalee had been there the longest, Lavi always made sure to tag along with one of them on special occasions in Order to mentally prepare himself for what awaited him. Even though he was social, he always felt out of place whenever they held huge parties like this, partially due to him being a Bookman, the other part due to him just not used to celebrating things in general. It was like a whole new world had been laid out before him, and even though it was weird to him, he found himself enjoying himself more and more. It felt like he had a family and a home. It was nice. He just wished that the Old Man would have come._

_“Yuu, I’m surprised you’re even going to this party! I thought you hated things like this?” Lavi teased the already annoyed Japanese._

_“Lenalee wanted me to go.”_

_“Oh, do I sense love in the air?!~ Komui won’t be too pleased.” Lavi made a tsch tsch noise while waving his finger from side to side, earning a small growl from Kanda._

_“I’d pick your battles wisely usagi, if anyone is being romantically conspicuous, it’s you and that Bookman friend of yours.”_

_“What do you mean?” Lavi’s eyes went wide, afraid that maybe someone had seen the two of them, his heart started to beat rapidly._

_Kanda sighed, he wasn’t much for gossip, and he had no interest in fueling it._

_“It’s just dumb people talking, there’s nothing important about it.”_

_“Yuu, please tell me!”_

_“Don’t call me by my name!!” he shouted menacingly at the curious Bookman._

_“Oi!”_

_Kanda realizing his mistake decided it was probably the best for his sanity and for his temper if he just told the annoying boy what he heard. He stopped and turned to face his companion, “All I heard was that it’s obvious that you two like each other.”_

_Lavi blinked for a second, confused by Kanda’s sudden admission._

_“Oh that’s all?”_

_“Yes.”_

_Lavi felt his heart return to its normal pace, but a new anxiety welled up in his chest. Even though it seemed like no one saw the two of them, they were obvious enough about their love that it was starting to spread around. Even though to everyone else it was just speculation, Lavi knew that even that tiny bit of speculation would cause Bookman to question him about it._

_Kanda looked at the troubled red head, the dots connecting slowly in his head. Jessica crying that night in the meditation room, Lavi’s adamant questioning, and his expression after hearing the rumors._

_“Is there something going on with you two?” Kanda questioned._

_Lavi nearly jumped out of his skin, “No! Of course there isn’t anything going on! Why would you even think that?!”_

_Lavi felt his heart pounding again. Shit._

_Kanda smirked, it wasn’t often that Lavi was flustered and he liked the fact that for once he left the red head frazzled._

_“Che, there is totally something going on.” Kanda started to walk away, Lavi trailing not far behind._

_“Kanda…”_

_“Ugh…yes?”_

_“Please don’t say anything.”_

_Kanda looked at Lavi from the corner of his eye, his expression looked worried._

_“Say what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_Lavi looked up, surprised by Kanda’s words. Was this Kanda’s way of saying that he would keep their secret? Lavi felt a small smile form across his face, touched by the normally cold man’s words._

_“Thank you.”_

_“Che.”_

_After for what seemed like an eternity, they finally reached the cafeteria, Lenalee and Jessica waiting outside for the two of them._

_Lavi felt his breath catch at the sight of Jessica; her long blonde hair was put up in a low messy bun, brushing her bangs to the side, exposing her bright golden eyes. Her dress was red and short; the hem reaching her mid-thigh, the sleeves extended to her elbows, the scoop of the shirt exposing her collarbone. The red heels made her appear taller, but accented her long legs, making him want her._

_“Hey guys!” Lenalee called to the two boys, who were not nearly dressed as nice._

_“Lenalee, Jessica.” Lavi addressed both beautiful ladies._

_It wasn’t until he got closer that he noticed Jessica was wearing makeup, making him quiver inside. At that moment he realized that Jessica was out of his league, she was way too beautiful to be with someone like him. He suddenly felt self-conscious._

_Jessica approached him and gave him a warm hug, “Merry Christmas Lavi!” she cheered._

_Lavi smiled and hugged her back, his newfound insecurities washed away by her warmth. Kanda looked at him and turned his attention towards the younger Chinese girl._

_“How long do I have to stay?” he questioned Lenalee._

_“Just long enough that you have a good time!” she smiled at him softly, her bright eyes shining with anticipation._

_Lavi observed the two; it was amazing to him how Lenalee could handle Kanda so well. But then again, they were like siblings and it was a known fact that the two of them grew up together. So it made sense that Lenalee knew how to keep beast tamed._

_Through the closed doors, they could hear the muffled sound of music and boisterous laughter, causing the four of them to remember why they were standing outside the cafeteria in the first place. Lenalee grabbed the handle and opened the door, revealing the most magical thing Lavi had ever seen before in his life._

_Inside was what looked like to be thousands of lights hung across the ceiling, ribbons and garland traced the windows and the tables, a live band playing in the corner to his right, some staff members dancing drunkenly. There were many tables were lined out filled with all sorts of delicious foods just waiting to be gobbled up, some mulled wine sitting off to the side._

_The energy was so pure, so energetic that Lavi couldn’t help but feel rejuvenated. It had been so long since he felt so hopeful and so at peace, and he couldn’t help but feel thankful to the Order for giving him that. He looked over at Jessica, who gave him a huge grin, and touched his shoulder. He smiled back at her, feeling fulfilled. Jessica, Lenalee, and Kanda…everyone at the Order, they were his friends and his family._

_He rushed inside, “Alright! Let’s get this party started!”_

_Kanda walked silently behind the bouncing red head, Jessica and Lenalee giggling at his energetic bounces._

_The first place he headed for was the food that Jerry had elegantly laid out on table after table. From turkey to macaroni and cheese, it seemed like Jerry had planned out everything. It all looked too delicious, making his drool with delight._

_After gathering their food, they all sat down and talked about various things. Kanda, Jessica, and Lavi sipped at their glasses of mulled wine, while Lenalee was forced to settle with a class of sparkling cider. They laughed and cheered, even Kanda found himself to be enjoying himself despite his adamant claims that he wouldn’t._

_After a while though, it started to become clear that Jessica was getting tipsy, so they were quick to cut her off, especially Lavi who wanted her to be at least somewhat sober for when he gave her the gift he had been storing for her for the past few weeks. It was a gift so important that he wanted her to be fully aware of  it when he presented it to her._

_The girl didn’t like the idea of being cut off, but Lavi knew that it was ultimately for the best._

_Lenalee laughed at the girl’s arguments and claims that she was nowhere close to being tipsy, despite giggling every other sentence. Lavi realizing that they could argue about it forever, grabbed her a glass of water and told her to deal with it, leaving the girl speechless and annoyed. However, she drank the water without any further protests letting Lavi relax finally._

_Lenalee grabbed Jessica’s hand and started dragging her from her seat, “Come on, let’s go dance!” the Chinese girl pulled at her blonde haired companion._

_“Yes! Let’s dance!” the girl thoughtlessly cheered._

_Lenalee and Jessica ran over to the band, leaving Kanda and Lavi alone._

_Lavi smiled at the girls, and turned his attention to Kanda._

_“Yuu…want to go dance?” Lavi winked at him and stuck his tongue out. Kanda spit out his water and looked at him like he was crazy, “NO WAY IN HELL! AND DON’T CALL ME YUU!!”_

_“Aw, Yuu don’t be like that!” Lavi whined._

_Kanda stood up and sauntered out of the cafeteria, leaving the red head alone, amused with the outcome of his joke._

_Lavi looked over at the girls, who were holding each other’s hands spinning around in rapid circles, laughing hysterically. It was funny to Lavi, how  due to this war, he had forgotten that they were all just kids. He and Kanda were seventeen, Jessica sixteen (about to be seventeen), and Lenalee fifteen. He never thought about it before, but it was sad how they were all a part of this grotesque thing, something way bigger than normal people could ever imagine. It was days like this that he was happy they could all enjoy their youth rather than worrying about how to stay alive._

_Lavi put his hand in his trousers’ pocket and fiddled with Jessica’s gift, his fingers tracing it. He had already given Lenalee her cookbook, Kanda his hair tie, Komui his coffee cup, and Bookman his journal. All that was left was to give his present to Jessica._

_Out of breath, both girls ran excitedly back to Lavi, laughing in-between gulps of air._

_“Lavi, come dance with us!” both girls demanded in unison, making them laugh harder. He raised an eyebrow and smiled, “Really?”_

_“Yeah!” Jessica screamed at him, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the dance floor, Lenalee following close behind._

_The upbeat music was enough to make him elated, but Jessica’s hand wrapped around his made him feel high. The butterflies that formed in the pit of stomach fluttered uncontrollably, his heart while steady felt like it was going to explode, all of these things came together to remind him just how deeply in love he was with this girl._

_He danced with her and Lenalee for what seemed like forever, laughing with them and enjoying himself. He had never let himself go this far, leaving him amazed. All of the confliction he felt couldn’t bring him down, not tonight at least._

_With the clock striking midnight, all three felt themselves getting tired and left the party. Lavi and Jessica walked Lenalee back to her room and once they left her, Lavi grabbed Jessica’s hand as they walked back towards her room._

_Upon entering her room and shutting the door, Jessica eagerly pulled off her heels, walking around trying to get used to her normal height, and turned on the lamp that resided at her desk. Without warning Lavi, she pulled her dress over her head and walked over to her dresser, looking for something more suitable for sleeping in.  Lavi still blushed whenever she exposed her half-naked body to him, even though he had seen and felt most of her body, there were still areas left unexplored, leaving the male to ponder in his dirty imagination. Upon noticing him standing there awkwardly, Jessica in only a bra and panties, pointed towards her bed, “You know you can lay down, right?”_

_Lavi shook the dirty thoughts from his head and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the plush mattress. Even as he sat there, he just stared at her, taking in all of her beauty._

_“Hey, come here.”_

_“What?” Jessica questioned him, her hands still digging through her dresser._

_“Come here.”_

_Jessica hesitantly walked over the boy, and stood in front of him. His eyes digging holes all throughout her body, it was a sensation that albeit vulnerable, also made her feel flattered. Lavi pulled himself up, his eyes interlocking with hers, his hands resting on her hips while he traced tiny circles along her pelvic bone. The girl could feel herself shiver at the newfound sensation of his calloused fingers tracing random shapes on her skin._

_He put his warm, sweet lips against hers and kissed her so tenderly that she could feel herself melt. It was sweet and slow, leaving both of them in a state of bliss. There was no hunger, there was only them. Lavi pulled away, and eyed the girl up and down._

_“Hurry up and go get dressed, I want to give you your present.” He cheerfully mumbled to her. Jessica sighed, she was kind of hoping that maybe he wanted to do something, but it seemed like the red head had another agenda to feel tonight. However, she felt touched by the fact that he got her a present…she never really got presents, especially not from someone who meant so much to her._

_Jessica dug through the dresser and pulled out a long sleeve black shirt and a pair of lounge pants and quickly put them on. Curious as to what Lavi had gotten her and sat down next to him._

_She put her hand up right before he could speak, he stared at her confused, “Before you freak out, I did get you a present…I’m just waiting for Johnny to finish making it!” she hurriedly blurted out. He laughed at her hysteria and gingerly grabbed her hand, holding it in his bigger one. “That’s fine! I honestly wasn’t expecting you to get me anything.” He found it sweet that she actually had taken the time to work something out with Johnny, even though he knew it was some piece of clothing, he still found it adorable._

_Jessica sighed and leaned in and kissed him._

_He smiled against her lips and sat up slightly so he could dig in his pockets for her gift. When he had it in his grasp, he pulled away from the girl and flashed her his famous grin, “I need you to close your eyes.”_

_Jessica sighed, a smile creeping up, and closed her eyes, waiting._

_Lavi pulled out the silver object and rolled it between his fingers, hoping that he actually made the right decision. He leaned towards his ears, his warm breath caressing the side of her face, “Jessie-chan in the past you and I never really decided what we were…and that led to a lot of problems.”_

_Jessica nodded in comprehension, her mind racing. What was he trying to say?_

_“However, I want to change that.”_

_“Lavi…what are you doing?”_

_Lavi gave her a sweet kiss, “Open your eyes, love.”_

_Slowly she opened her eyes, not sure what she was about to see. He had his hand held out to her, in the palm of his hand a small silver ring. Jessica looked up at him, her eyes wide with anxiety, “Are you proposing to me?!” a shrill voice escaped from her lips._

_Lavi chuckled, “No. Jessie-chan, it’s a promise ring.”_

_“Oh…” she mentally slapped herself, how could she be so dumb?_

_“I want to make a promise to you.”_

_“Okay?” she could feel her heart crawl up her throat._

_“I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to promise you that you are the one I love and the one I want to commit to.” The sincerity in this voice made the girl start to tear, she had never experienced something like this before. She and Geoffrey were never this close, leaving her uncertain on what to do next._

_Jessica’s tiny fingers picked up the ring, the meaning behind it so powerful that it made her want to cry._

_“Lavi…I don’t know what to say.”_

_He gave her a warm smile, the love he felt for her visible in his previously empty eyes.  She knew how much he loved her._

_“It’s okay, you don’t have to say yes. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you into anything.” He honestly meant it._

_Jessica placed the ring back in the palm of his hand and held out her left hand, “Don’t you need to put it on?”_

_He laughed at her boldness and grabbing the ring with his other hand, slipped it onto her middle finger, it was slightly big, but Jessica insisted that she could take it to someone down in the science department to resize it. She stared at the ring curiously, the placement of the ring odd to her._

_“Why the middle finger?” she asked._

_“So that way when Bookman sees it, he won’t question it.” Lavi had really thought about this._

_Lavi then dug into his other pocket and pulled a bigger ring and handed it to Jessica, extending out his right hand._

_“Milady, will you do the honors of slipping my ring on?”_

_Jessica giggled and slowly slid the matching ring on his own middle finger._

_The two just stared at their rings, amazed that at not only each other but at themselves. Neither one of them ever thought they would be making a commitment like this. It was a feel that they both found themselves rejoicing._

_Jessica lunged at Lavi, pressing her lips passionately against his, his hands resting on her waist. The love she felt for him overpowered her, making her want him now more than ever._

_She moaned as he deepened the kiss, his tongue snaking its way into her mouth. Despite the hot kiss, Jessica still found herself feeling bad for not being able to give Lavi his present today on Christmas. Lavi had given her something meaningful and all she had to give him in return was her consent to be with him. She felt like she owed him._

_Jessica pulled away from the kiss, causing the older boy to growl in disapproval, but she gingerly pushed him on his back as she climbed over him, straddling him. Lavi felt himself get harder, it was sexy seeing her dominating him like that._

_Jessica leaned down, her breasts rubbing against his chest, and  gave him a quick peck on the lips, her kisses started to trail down his neck, trying to find his own sweet spot. The boy hissed when she reach his mid neck and slowly began to suck, hoping to leave her own love bite._

_The boy gripped her hips, tighter, as her cold hands began to up his shirt rubbing against his well-toned body. She started kissing further down till she reached the top of his shirt. She sat back up, she could feel him getting excited, as she sat right where his member resided._

_Jessica scooted down to where she now sat on his knees, making it impossible for him to escape from her. She tried to be casual about messing with his belt and once removed, tossed it to the floor, the boy  only stared at her confused, but his eye screamed excitement. She fiddled with the button of his pants, upon realizing it was more difficult then she had anticipated, Lavi unbuttoned it for her. Starting to feel herself losing confidence, Jessica took the zipper in her fingers and tugged down, grabbing the top his pants, she beckoned him to lift his hips so she could pull the material down to his mid-thigh._

_The girl felt herself blush when she just how hard her was, the bulge was a lot bigger than she thought. She tugged down at his boxers next, repeating the same process that they had with his pants._

_She could feel her heartbeat in her ears, she felt the butterflies this time, but they weren’t due to anxiety, but to excitement._

_After pulling his boxers down, his dick now free from any inhibitions sprung up. Lavi looked up at the ceiling, his face red. Jessica remembered that one night when she had messed up her, a blush creeping on her face, it was strange having a visual of it now._

_Shyly, the girl ran her finger up the side of it, feeling the warmth. Jessica wrapped her hand around it and slowly began to pull it up and down, unsure on how to go about it. It was easier when alcohol was involved, but she had sobered up a long time ago._

_She heard Lavi take in a deep breath, his eyes still preoccupied with the ceiling. Lavi hadn’t made any effort to stop her, so she assumed that she was doing okay. Almost naturally she started to flick on her wrist, the movement becoming more natural, and she quickened her pace. Lavi shook beneath her and sat up alarmed by the sudden rush of pleasure that coursed through his body._

_His glazed eyes met her determined ones and pumped his member. Lavi grabbed her hand and with shaky hands rearranged it, “Do it like that.”_

_Jessica blushed, of course he would know how to do it._

_Jessica went back to pumping it, the change on grip made the red head grip the sheets. It was so much better when someone else did it, especially her. He closed his eyes, letting himself get lost in the pleasure, her hands were like magic to him._

_He was so lost that he never noticed the girl stop, but opened his eyes when he felt something hot and wet slid up his penis. He sat up slightly, watching as the girl delicately slid her tongue up his penis and then swirled around the head. Her soft lips wrapped around the head, the girl tugged her head back slightly, sucking slightly. He involuntarily gasped, causing him to blush even deeper._

_She opened her mouth a little wider and slowly took more of him inside of her mouth. Her head began to bob back and forth, the pleasure intensifying._

_Soon he found most of his penis totally encompassed in her mouth, her pace quickening. He reached out to her, his hand resting on the back of her head. He gripped the bun and unintentionally forced her down, making the girl gag._

_“Sorry…” he mumbled between fits of pleasure._

_The girl didn’t seem harmed by it as she only quickened her pace attempting to take him deeper inside. Her fingers elegantly began to massage his balls, making the boy go crazy._

_He couldn’t help but moan, it was a guttural sound that emerged from deep within the back of his throat. The girl seeing that as a sign, quickened her pace even more and began to suck him harder. He gripped her hair tightly, and tossed his head back, letting another moan escape._

_He could feel himself about to cum._

_“Jessie-chan…I’m about to…”_

_Despite his words the girl didn’t relent and kept going._

_A sudden, euphoric feeling erupted through his body, the pleasure down there so intense he couldn’t help but groan. He could feel himself ejaculate, but she continued to suck him till his orgasm was officially done. He loosened the girl on her hair and pulled her head up, releasing her hot lips from his member. He was still breathing heavily._

_Lavi looked at Jessica with glazed eyes, her mouth firmly shut._

_“You know you can spit it out right?”_

_Jessica looked him in the eyes and swallowed, the boy surprised with her action. God she was sexy._

_She ran her tongue along her lips, trying to wipe clean any cum that may still reside. Lavi just laid there, amazed by her._

_Jessica crawled off his legs and laid down beside him, dragging herself up to his head. The boy pulled his boxers and pants back on._

_Lavi just laid there, trying to make sense of the events that just transpired._

_Tonight was a good night. He and Jessica made their relationship official and he got a nice blowjob._

_He turned his head to look at the girl, a blush on her face._

_“What’s the matter?”_

_“Nothing…I’m just embarrassed.”_

_“Why?”_

_“I’ve never done something like that before!” the girl shoved her face into her pillow._

_Lavi pulled the hair tie out of her hair and brushed his fingers through it, trying to remove any knots he could find._

_“I loved it.” He said after a moment of silence._

_Jessica looked up at him, her golden eyes burning him._

_“Really?”_

_“You made me moan…” Great now he felt embarrassed, “…and you made me cum.”_

_Jessica buried her face back in the pillow._

_“Merry Christmas Lavi.” Her heard her mutter into the pillow._

_Lavi smiled and closed his eyes, “Merry Christmas Jessica.”_


	12. How They Cared For Each Other

Lavi never had a girlfriend before, thus he wanted to spend all his time with her. He didn’t know if he was being too clingy or if this was a phase that most couples went through. Every morning he found himself wandering to her room, he would spend endless hours with her, and then he would lay in bed with her till she fell asleep. The next day the cycle would repeat itself. Despite his insecurities, Jessica didn’t show any sign of getting annoyed with him.

In fact, their relationship seemed to only improve with each passing day. It felt surreal, neither one of them ever thought they would feel so deeply towards somebody else, leaving them to take this new experience with open arms. Pain didn’t matter anymore, all that mattered was how much they cared for the other, in sickness and in health.

He remembered how he took care of Jessica when she had the flu, how despite her fever and achy body, she still took the time to be with him. He remembered laying in her bed with her, not caring if he got sick, because all he wanted was to be close to her.

_~…~_

_Lavi happily hopped through the hallways, eager to visit his girlfriend. In the two weeks since Christmas, their relationship had gotten stronger and their love for each other felt deeper. Each day afterwards Lavi would find himself wandering to the girl’s room to spend time with her. Sometimes the two would just talk, other times they would explore each other’s bodies…_

_They two were undeniably getting closer to consummating their relationship, and Lavi was being patient, but he slowly started to feel himself losing control. He respected Jessica and her decisions to not have sex just yet, but he knew that the two of them should talk about it._

_He was on his way to her room for that purpose, to talk to her._

_When he reached the tall black door and knocked, he was surprised to not find the door open almost immediately. Instead, it remained shut as if no one was inside. Confused, he knocked again. However, this time he heard the small steps of someone inside, slowly making their way to the door. Slowly, the door creaked open and Jessica’s pale, clammy face popped out._

_He was taken aback at first by her sickly exterior, but soon he found himself concerned._

_“Jessie-chan?! Are you okay?! You look terrible!” Lavi exclaimed to his girlfriend._

_“I’m fine, I think I just have a little cold…”the girl hoarsely muttered back, not fully convincing her boyfriend that she had something as simple as a cold._

_Lavi sighed, “Come here…”_

_He reached his hand in through the door, the girl taking a step back, away from his reach. He blinked, confused by the girls hesitation._

_“Don’t touch me…”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Because.”_

_“Because why?”_

_“Because I said so…” the girl huffed at him, hoping that he wouldn’t press the matter any further than he already was._

_“Jessie-chan, I just want to feel your forehead.”_

_“Whyyy?”  The girl whined._

_“To see if you have a fever, silly.” He extended his arm out slowly, making sure not to cross any boundaries. The girl sighed and stepped forward, his hand touching her forehead._

_“You have a fever.” He quietly muttered to himself._

_“I do?” the hoarseness of her voice made it difficult to understand._

_“You need to go to the infirmary, Jessie-chan!” His voice oozing with concern._

_“No, I don’t! It’ll get better on its own!” the girl tried to shout back, her voice breaking between each word._

_Lavi shook his head and sighed, “Jessie-chan…come on.”_

_“I’m fine!” Her voice went to high, causing her to go into a coughing fit. Lavi studied the girl and upon finding her wearing nothing but at a tank top and shorts, he entered the room, removing his jacket, he wrapped it around the small girl’s body._

_She looked up at him, her golden eyes glassy and her long hair in a wild mess._

_“You’re sick.” He just simply stated, hoping the girl would realize that she needed medicine to cure this ailment._

_She dropped her head and walked closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Her hot body made him felt nice, but also alarmed him. She was really sick._

_“I’m too tired to go…” she mumbled into this shirt._

_“You’re too tired?” He smiled at her innocent reason._

_“Yes.”_

_Lavi placed his hand on her head and tried to smooth out the hair that was sticking up, hoping to sooth the young girl._

_“Let’s go to the infirmary real quick…you’ll get medicine and then you can sleep. Also, if you want, I can bring you some soup? How does that sound?”_

_The girl looked back up at him and sighed, “Fine…”_

_“Hey, it won’t be so bad.” He gave her a reassuring smile, hoping that the girl wouldn’t resent him for this._

_The girl unwrapped her arms from his waist and started to walk past him, the bags under her eyes were more visible in the light. As she walked past him, Lavi noticed that she was having a hard time walking in a straight line. Lavi shut the door behind and him and grabbed the girl’s thin arm._

_“Are you okay to walk there?” Lavi questioned the staggering girl._

_“I think so…”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Yeah…” The girl took another step only for her to trip on her own feet; Lavi extended his arms quickly and lunged for the falling girl, his arms catching her before she hit the ground._

_“Oops…” the girl chuckled a bit at her clumsiness._

_“Do you want me to carry you, milady?” Lavi teased, trying to keep the mood light and happy._

_She gave him a small smile and nodded._

_Lavi smiled back and pulled the girl back up, placing one arm under her legs and the other behind her back, and then he lifted her up, carrying her bridal style._

_The girl wrapped her arms around his neck; the boy bounced her in his arms, trying to get a better grip on her body. He was afraid that if he dropped her that she would break, she was so fragile, almost like a doll._

_Once he had a good grip on her, he made his way through the halls; it was late in the afternoon, so the hallways were bustling with scientists, finders, and other personal. When people inquired the young exorcist as to why Jessica was in his arms, he would grin from ear to ear and tell them how sick she was and how Lavi was there to save to the day. Much to her embarrassment, the girl would shove her head into his chest, trying to ignore his silly explanations._

_After for what seemed like an eternity, they reached the infirmary, much to the girl’s despair. The head nurse was a scary woman, and Jessica was not eager to explain why she put off going to her for so long. With a swing of the door, Lavi carried the girl inside, the nurses and doctors’ turning to see what was causing the commotion._

_The head nurse looked shocked to find the girl in Lavi’s arms, and approached him with speed._

_“Is everything alright?” Upon seeing the girl flushed the head nurse gasped, “Are you sick Mrs. Exorcist?!” The girl loosened her grip on Lavi’s neck and the boy set the girl down gently on her feet, his hands grasping her shoulders to make sure she didn’t fall over as soon as her feet touched the cold floor._

_Lavi smiled wickedly, knowing the punishment the girl was in for, “She’s super sick! She’s got a fever and everything, check it out Mrs. Nurse!” Lavi was enjoying this._

_Jessica looked away, her body shivering due to the chilly room, but something more ominous also made her shake. Fear._

_She slowly turned her to head to face the Head Nurse again, hoping that she could justify her choice, but quickly found herself jumping away._

_“Ah, so you are sick and you didn’t think to come here!” A demonic voice emerged from the thin women’s mouth, a dark aura surrounding her._

_“N-no! I was just resting, like a normal person!” the girl stumbled over her words, scared for her life._

_“You exorcists, you think you can do anything without any help!” The nurse snapped her fingers; another group of nurses approached and surrounded the blonde haired girl. “Take her to the back and get her some medicine!” the head nurse cried, the nurses nodded in comprehension and much to her fear, dragged the girl into a room, her screams echoing throughout the room until she disappeared behind a metal door._

_“Uhhh…”Lavi tried to intervene, only for the nurse to look back at him._

_“Thank you for bringing her…” The head nurse gave him a small smile. “You children think that since you’re the Apostles of God that you can handle everything, it’s almost like you forget you’re human just as much as we are.” Her smile seemed grateful, but her eyes screamed sadness._

_Lavi sheepishly smiled at her, “No problem…”_

_“You should leave now, we should be done with her in about an hour, and will you back around then?” It was funny how everyone knew how close they were._

_“You know it!” He happily cheered._

_With confirmation the nurse bowed and headed back to the room, probably to scold the small girl more thoroughly. It was strange to him how much everyone cared…it was no wonder Jessica was fond of these people, of this place._

_With a final glance at the door that hid Jessica from him, the red head left the infirmary, determined to be back in an hour to greet his girlfriend._

_~…~_

_When he went back to the infirmary, he was greeted with an extremely exhausted Jessica. The Head Nurse had told him that it was likely that Jessica had the flu and after giving her some medicine, she was faced with the side effect of fatigue._

_With much difficulty he guided the young girl back to her room and placed her in bed. However, seeing her curled up in bed made him want to curl up next to her and before he knew it he had also fallen asleep._

_When he awoke though, he was surprised to find her golden eyes staring at him, her fingers pulling lightly at his eyepatch._

_Upon realizing what she was doing, he jumped back, tumbling to the floor, his legs tangled in the blanket._

_He didn’t know whether he should be angry with her or not, but he definitely knew that he wasn’t happy. You could do anything you wanted to him, but messing with his eyepatch was not something that anyone could do._

_Jessica sat up from and stared at him. Lavi just stared back at her, his heart pounding out of fear and out of surprise. She was the last person he expected to try and mess with his eyepatch._

_“Why?” That was the only word he could mutter out, he felt betrayed._

_She stayed silent. Lavi could only see her silhouette in the dark room. He untangled his legs from the blanket and stood up, walking over to her desk and lighting the lamp, illuminating the room poorly._

_He turned back to her, her eyes meeting his._

_“Why would you mess with that?” He made his voice come out more venom, hoping that she would sense his displeasure._

_She kept staring at him._

_“Answer me.”_

_“I…” She dropped her head, attempting to avoid his gaze._

_“Look at me.”_

_“I’m not a child.”_

_“I don’t care! Look at me.”_

_She looked back up at him, clearly annoyed with the way he was treating her._

_“Don’t touch my eyepatch.”_

_“I wasn’t-“_

_“Jessica, I know exactly what you were doing! Do you think you’re the first person who has ever done that?!” She jumped back slightly, her face suddenly looked sad. Lavi only stared at her, hoping that his anger was enough to put an end to the girl’s curiousity._

_“I didn’t mean any harm by it…it was a temporary lapse of judgement and I’m sorry.” Her voice was quiet and before he knew it, tears started rolling down her cheeks. Instantly, his anger subsided and he rushed to her, placing himself on the bed beside her, his hands cupping her face._

_“Hey…”_

_“I’m really sorry…I just saw it and I didn’t think about it, it was just impulse…I’m so sorry!” The words rushed out of her mouth._

_Despite the anger gathering up again, but he suppressed it. To be honest, even though he wore the eyepatch he had never actually told her that she couldn’t touch it or mess with it. It doesn’t excuse what she did, but it helped to lighten his anger. As far as she knew, it was just an injury. She didn’t know the truth._

_He felt anxious all of a sudden. He realized that one day he would have to tell her, that if there was anything for them in the future, he would have to tell her eventually._

_Only Bookman and the Clan knew the truth behind his eye, because it was the thing that led him down this path to begin with. The Clan thought it was an asset, but before he was discovered the hate he experienced scarred him._

_Would she still love him if she knew the truth? What would she have done if she saw it before he woke up?_

_Lavi could feel his heart aching, she would probably reject him, just like everyone else had._

_He hesitantly rubbed his thumbs under her eyes, wiping away her tears. His anger was completely gone, replaced with a newfound sense of loss and sadness._

_“Shhh…” He tried to sooth the crying girl, but maybe it was in attempt to calm his now pounding hart._

_He moved his hands from her face and wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards his body. He buried his face into her shoulder, his warm breath caressing the back of her neck. He loved her so much, the thought of losing her made him feel horrible and icky inside._

_After for what seemed like an eternity, he came to a decision._

_Slowly he pulled away from the girl, his shoulders felt heavy. The girl looked up at him confused, he looked so serious, and it was unsettling._

_“Lavi…is everything okay?”_

_He gave her a quick peck on the lips and gave her a small, sad smile. “I love you, you know that right?”_

_“Lavi you’re starting to scare me…”_

_“It’s okay Jessica…I just…you have to know.”_

_“Know what?” She was scared._

_“Take it off.”_

_“What?”_

_“Take off my eyepatch.”_

_“Lavi, I can’t do that.” Her voice was still hoarse, almost reminding both of them that she was still sick._

_“I want you to do it.”_

_“After that speech and me crying…I can’t!”_

_“Hey…hey…calm down.” His voice was low and husky; he seemed too calm for someone who just a moment ago was angry with her._

_“Do you really want me to see it?”_

_“Yes…”_

_Jessica sighed, slowly raising her small hand up to meet his face, her thumb caressing his cheek. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She removed her hand from his face and placed in her lap._

_“Are you absolutely sure?”_

_He nodded his head._

_Jessica scooted herself closer to him, and sat up on her knees. With slowly slid her nails underneath his eyepatch, lifting it free from the skin on his face. She took in a deep breath, and quickly removed the eyepatch his face, the fabric falling on the bed._

_She felt her breath catch in her throat, unsure of what to make of it. She wasn’t scared or disgusted; in fact, she was more intrigued than anything._

_The entire eye was black, but the iris was a mixture of green, blue, and pink. The colors blending together, as if they were constantly moving, constantly searching._

_Jessica’s eyes were wide and her mouth was agape, he suddenly felt uncomfortable._

_“I wanted you to see it…because I see a future with you. In the past, people have been scared of me and hated me because of this eye. So before we go any deeper, I wanted you to see it.”_

_She didn’t move a muscle, her eyes still locked on his newly exposed eye._

_Lavi licked his lips, “Are you okay?”_

_“Yes.” Her voice came out slow, almost like she was mesmerized._

_“Are you disgusted?”_

_Jessica finally redirected her gaze, her eyes looking at his lips. Before he could react, Jessica lunged forward. Her soft lips making contact with his._

_At first he was taken aback by the kiss, but soon found himself being drowned in the pleasure. He could smell her sweet breath, her fingers tangled in his hair. The sweetness of her lips made him feel intoxicated._

_He placed his hands on her hips, as she rearranged her body, straddling him. He slowly snaked his hands up her shirt, his fingers reaching for the clasp on her bra. With some work, he was able to unclasp it, the blonde hair girl on top of him, removed her lips from his and pulled her shirt off, and then removed her bra. Her firm and perky, medium sized breasts were now fully exposed to him. She leaned down into him again, their lips colliding messily as their noses bumped into each other. Lavi let his hands trace up her stomach towards her chest, his warm hand grasping her left breast, making the girl squeak by the sudden contact._

_He squeezed it gently; the girl pressed her lips harder into his, her tongue demanding entrance._

_He removed his hand and using the bed, forced himself forward, the force broke the kiss, but Jessica was now pinned beneath him. Lavi leaned down and kissed her again, before trailing kisses down her neck. The girl turned her head to the side, hoping to give him more access._

_He kept going down to her chest, placing small kisses on each breast, before continuing his way down, leaving small kisses on stomach._

_When he reached the hem of her shorts, he sat up and slowly started to pull them off. She lifted her hips up hoping to help with the process. He slowly pulled the fabric down her long legs before finally discarding to with her shirt._

_He crawled back up to her, the tightness in his pants growing. However, since she seemed to respond so well to his eye, he wanted to thank her for that._

_Lavi leaned down and kissed her deeply and slowly, his tongue entered her mouth without any effort. Their tongues dancing together, his teeth grasped her tongue and slowly began to suck on it, making the girl moan._

_While is tongue worked wonders in her mouth, he let his right arm grabbed at her thigh, rubbing it up and down. He pulled away, the girls eyes glazed over in desire._

_He moved his hand from her thigh to her entrance, with his index finger; he rubbed it, feeling the hotness of it. He slowly began to stroke at her clitoris, the girl started to squirm beneath his touch. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it right, but she didn’t seem to mind it._

_Lavi pushed the underwear to the side, making eye contact with her; he slowly slid a finger inside of her warm hole. At first, he was surprised to find it so moist and warm, but as if it came naturally, he pulled it out slowly, then slowly slid it back in. Repeating the process slowly, the moisture inside growing. Jessica’s breathing was uneven; her hands grasped his shoulders, her nails digging into the flesh, a small moan escaping through her parted lips._

_Seeing how satisfied she was with just one finger, her slid a second finger in, the girl gasping at the newfound sensation. He started to quicken his pace, his fingers pounding in and out of her. The girl threw her head back, her hands gripping the sheets. She moaned again, each time his fingers entered her wetness, she would moan louder and deeper, as the pleasure intensified. Feeling cocky, he entered in a third finger, the girl gasped out in shock, but once she got used to the feeling, her sweet moans became more frequent._

_Her moans powered him, making him feel amazing. He was doing this to her, he was pleasing her. Seeing her experiencing so much pleasure, made him want her. If he could do this with just his fingers, imagine what he could do with his…_

_Lavi pulled his fingers free from her womanhood, the girl moaning out of disappointment._

_“Jessica…”_

_“Y-yeah…” Jessica said between heavy breaths._

_“Do you have to make love?”_

_“What?”_

_“Do you want to make love, right here, right now?”_

_Jessica used her elbows to sit herself up, her eyes meeting his._

_“No…”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Because…I want it to be special…I mean, like I don’t know.”_

_“Special?”_

_“Yeah…” Lavi looked at her skeptically, but nodded in understanding._

_Having sex, while it was something surely amazing, it was a milestone not only in their relationship but also for them personally. Both of them were virgins, so it only made sense that Jessica wanted it to be special, maybe even magical._

_Lavi kissed her again._

_“So you want to do it soon?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“You just want it to be special?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_He flashed the girl his world famous grin, the cogs in his head already turning._

_“I love you, Jessica.”_

_“I love you too, Lavi.”_

_With that Lavi laid himself down next to the girl, looking at her. Satisfied that he was at least capable of getting this far with her._

_“Hey…guess what Lavi?”_

_“What?”_

_“You’re totally going to get sick!”_

_“Nah!”_

_“Yeah you totally are!” The hoarseness in her voice more apparent._

_“No.”_

_“Don’t worry honey, if you get sick, I’ll take gooood care of you!~” The girl looked him up and down, and winked at him._

_He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him, “I’m holding you to that.”_

_She gave me a small smile and gave him a small peck on his lips, the two of them slowly making plans in regards to planning their special night._


	13. How They First Made Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is sex in this chapter.

After that night, after showing her his eye, Lavi felt closer to her. He had yet to tell her its purpose, but knowing that she accepted it, that she accepted it was enough to make him more than elated. He had been told plenty of times by his Master that he would probably never find someone who would fully accept him, but she did.

The two of them had been making plans on when and where to experience there first time. Jessica had admitted that she felt silly about it wanting to be perfect, but Lavi enjoyed it. Even though he wouldn’t admit it, he wanted it to be special too.

He remembered how destiny seemed to be working for them, how Komui sent them on a mission together to one of the most romantic places in Europe, Paris. He remembered how the two of them seized the moment, their bodies tangled together in sweet pleasure. He had thought it was impossible to fall more in love with her, but he only fell further.

_~…~_

_The two of them had arrived in Paris around noon, the two leaving sometime early in the morning. It was odd for Komui to wake them so early, but he seemed eager to get them over to the town as soon as possible. From what had been given to them in the mission statements and files, there seemed to be some akuma sightings in the area, leading the Order to believe that there had to be something there to indicate their presence. However, both Exorcists having been in the field knew that sometimes there wasn’t a reason, akuma were just everywhere because tragedy is everywhere._

_Nevertheless, the Order was desperate to find Innocence, leaving the young Exorcists to explore the area, even if there was nothing to be found._

_Their first goal upon entering the city though was to find their hotel. While walking through the bustling streets, Lavi eyed the girl, her long blonde hair was held up in a high ponytail, her uniform hidden by a black cloak, in order for to blend in with the conservative fashion._

_They were in Paris, one of the most romantic cities in the world._

_“Jessie-chan, where is this hotel again?” Lavi questioned his girlfriend._

_“I think so. Komui wrote the address down, worse case we just ask around.” She gave him a small smile and continued walking forward._

_Lavi walked beside the girl awkwardly. He wanted to suggest their first experience here, but at the same time the possibility of them finally consummating their relationship was too real. It was exciting, but also gave him severe anxiety._

_“Ah!”_

_He turned his attention back to the girl as she walked towards a fancy, large hotel. When Lavi first went on missions he was surprised to find them staying in such lavish places, but now he was used to it, enjoying it more than ever._

_Upon entering the luxurious building he found his heart beating faster, he couldn’t control it. The idea of having his way with her in this very hotel made his spine shiver with delight._

_Seeing the girl talking with an employee, made the boy jump towards her side, man he was spacing out a lot today._

_“Can I take your bags for you Miss and for you as well Sir?” the young man inquired._

_“Yes, please do.” She answered for the both of them, more staff members emerging to take their luggage._

_“So Miss, you want to change that from two rooms to one?”_

_“Yes sir. I have no need for my own room, as I have no intention of sleeping tonight,” She gave Lavi a sideways glance; “it would only be a waste for there to be two rooms._

_Lavi’s eyes went wide…she asked for only one room. **“…I have no intention of sleeping tonight…”** Lavi’s eyes went wide, his heart racing again, hoping that he wasn’t misunderstanding the young girl’s words. Oh of course he was, there was no way she had the intention of sleeping with him…_

_The young man smiled in comprehension, “Well your room is ready for the two of you. Please, let me guide you.”_

_The two bowed to the young man as he led them into the elevator, pushing the button labeled fourteen. Lavi kept eying the girl up and down, wondering what gears were turning in her head, trying to deduce what she wanted from him tonight or if she wanted anything._

_The doors of the elevator opened once it reached the fourteenth floor, the man extended his arm indicating for them to exit before him. With that he guided the two of them to their room and opened the door. Jessica quickly walked inside, leaving the red head next to the polite man._

_“Here is your key, sir. I assume that you will only need one?” Lavi stared at him, unsure on how to answer that question._

_“Y-yes one should be fine…”_

_“Thank you sir and have a good day.” With that the man gave him a final bow and walked back towards the elevator._

_Lavi’s insides screamed, hopefully he didn’t say the wrong thing._

_He walked into the room and shut the door; Jessica was already pulling the curtains apart to let in sunlight, the Eiffel tower standing in the distance. Once she was done with that task, the girl quickly removed her cloak and threw it down on the floor, revealing her wearing a white, button up sleeveless top that hanged loosely around her body, the collar extending to her collarbone, a pair of jean short shorts barely visible beneath the flowing fabric of her shirt._

_Since his girlfriend was making herself comfortable, he figured he would as well, quickly discarding his Exorcists jacket and his scarf, placing them on a nearby chair._

_“So…only one room, eh?”_

_“Yeah, what about it?”_

_“Oh, nothing I’m just curious.” Lavi walked over to her and gave her a peck on the lips, his arms wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer to his body._

_“Someone seems to be in a good mood?”_

_“Am I?”_

_“It seems that way my dear.”_

_Lavi laughed, “Dear? Well then sweetie, I assume that we should head off into town and be on the lookout for akuma?”_

_The girl placed her hands on his chest, her eyes looking into his, “I guess so.” Lavi could have sworn that he heard a tinge of disappointment in her voice._

_“Jessie-chan…”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Do you want to…you know…do it tonight?”_

_The girl’s eyes went wide and for a second he thought that maybe he said something wrong. “Do you want to do it tonight?” Her soft voice became quiet, her heart pumping at an irregularly fast pace._

_“I mean we’ve been talking about it for some time now…and it seems like a perfect opportunity. We’re in a romantic city, all by ourselves, and you asked for only one room. I mean if you don’t want to, we definitely don’t have too!”_

_“I asked for one room just in case you wanted to…I mean I think it’s also perfect.”_

_Lavi licked his lips with anticipation, “Really?”_

_“Yeah…”_

_“Um…when do you want to…?” His words trailing off, he felt nervous._

_“How about sometime tonight? We are here for work so I think we should take care of that first before we attend to our own personal agendas…”_

_“Of course! Work first.”_

_“Yeah…”_

_Both of them failed to realize that they were breathing more heavily, their hearts were threatening to pound of their chests; the whole situation was exciting but also intimidating._

_Jessica broke the eye contact and pulled away from the young boy’s arms, “I say we should split up. So, I’ll see you sometime tonight?”_

_Lavi nodded quickly, “Of course!”_

_With confirmation of tonight’s plans, both Exorcists split up to search the busy city, eager to get done quickly in hopes of tonight._

_~…~_

_As Lavi walked through the marketplace, the sun starting to set over the European city, he felt his heart jump further and further out of his chest._

_Was he ready for this? He didn’t know for sure, but he knew that he loved Jessica and wasn’t making love one of the best ways to show that affection? He wasn’t scared, but he definitely wasn’t calm either. He felt the mixed emotions run around his head like a carousel spinning rapidly out of control._

_Thinking about her made him smile and with a final look towards the darkening sky he felt assured. Tonight was the night._

_Lavi began to make his way to hotel, hoping to get there before the young girl._

_~…~_

_Jessica had spent most of the day pacing around the city, not finding any useful information, nor did she come across any akuma. This whole mission was a bust._

_However, it was not entirely a waste of time. She felt her heart beat rapidly as looked up at the almost black sky, the stars barely visible from the brightness of the city’s lights. She was wondering if it was odd for her to feel so calm. She did feel nervous, but not in a bad way, it was like butterflies were flying in her stomach, their thin wings brushing up against her insides. It was a feeling that albeit uncomfortable, also reminded her of what tonight was going to hold for her._

_She had heard that losing one’s virginity, while a magical moment was also quite painful and sometimes bleeding could occur. It was this thought that made her cringe? Was she really ready to go through that? Was she ready to make love with someone?_

_Lavi popped into her head suddenly, his warm smile, his red hair, and his cheerful optimistic attitude. A faint smile crossed her face and she felt relieved. She was glad that she would get to experience her first time with someone as gentle and as loving as him._

_With a final shake of her head, the girl headed back to the hotel. Hoping that when she arrived, he would be waiting for her._

_~…~_

_Lavi had been lying on the bed, swinging his legs back and forth impatiently. The only light in the room was the city light’s that shined in through the uncovered windows. He found the darkness relaxing; his thoughts were no longer racing now. He was ready for this._

_Sitting up from the bed, the young man stood up and walked around the room. With a carton of matches the young man wandered around the room, lighting any candles that he could find. Once he was done with this task, he made his way to the windows and shut the curtains. The room was dark into comparison as before, but the candlelight was romantic, wasn’t it?_

_He was starting to question it when he heard the door open and turned his attention immediately to the small girl as she walked into the room. The door being shut and locked behind her._

_The girl quickly pulled of her shoes and socks and made her way over to the older boy._

_“Hey…it’s dark in here.”_

_“Do you want me to turn on a light?”_

_“No, I like the dark, the candlelight is a nice touch.” She licked her lips and looked down, awkwardly swaying from side to side. Lavi couldn’t help but smile at her; she was too cute when she was acting all shy._

_“Did you find anything?” He asked her, hoping to break the tension that was slowly forming between the two of them._

_“Nope.”_

_“Well that’s good, I guess.”_

_“Yeah it is good.”_

_The two just stood there in awkward silence, unsure on what to do next. Lavi extended his foot, but quickly pulled it back, his confidence starting to fade. But what Jessica did next, he could never ever thank her enough for._

_Before he could spit out another awkward question, the girl lunged towards him, her arms wrapping around his neck. Standing on her tiptoes the girl placed her soft lips up against his smoothly, all of his worries almost instantly melting away._

_Lavi grabbed the girl’s hips and pulled closer, his hunger for her starting to grow. The girl pulled away, both of them breathing in heavily, their eyes locked. Jessica leaned in and kissed him again, this time not as quickly, this one was slow and sweet and made both of them melt. The sweetness of her breath, the warmth of their lips touching, the moment just felt right._

_His hands moved from her hips down to ass, giving it a slight squeeze which made the girl smile, giving him enough room for him to slip his tongue inside. Jessica responded quickly, her tongue eagerly swirly with his. He grabbed her tongue with his teeth and gave it a hard suck, making the girl moan into his mouth. Jessica removed her arms from his neck and gently pushed him away, saliva still connecting the two of them. However, Lavi loved the feeling of their mouths being connected; with force he pushed the girl into a nearby wall, his lips once again attacking hers._

_The sweet sounds of her moans only drove him even more insane, he wanted more of her._

_The boy pulled away and began trailing kisses down her neck, sucking at her sweet spot, leaving a dark red mark. The girl bit her lip as his hands traveled up her shirt and grabbed her breast, giving them a tight squeeze. He reached her collarbone and nibbled at the bone, the tightness in his pants starting to grow._

_Lavi pulled away from the girl, his fingers working at the buttons of her shirt. It was painstakingly slow having to undo all of the buttons that once he was halfway done, he took the satisfaction of ripping the fabric from her body, pulling the torn garment from her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor._

_The sight of her white bra made him smile, such an innocent color for not a so innocent act. His hands snaked their way around her chest and unhooked the fabric, pulling it down till it joined her shirt. Zealously he made his way towards her breasts, his tongue flicking the nipple, the warmness of it made the girl shiver with delight. He began to suck on the perky nipple; the girl throwing her head back, her moans only powered him further. His other hand grabbed at her unoccupied breast, squeezing it in rhythm to his suckling._

_He switched his attention to the other breast, the girl tangling her fingers in his hair. The pleasure was getting immense and she could feel herself wanting him more and more._

_When he was done feasting at her chest, the girl lightly pushed him back and grabbed at his shirt, pulling it over his head clumsily. The awkward movement made the two laugh before their lips were once again intertwined._

_Jessica jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist, he gripped her thighs. Their lips still connected in a heated kiss, Lavi carried her over to the bed and threw her down, him on top of her. Jessica’s hand trailed down his chest, till she reached the hem of his pants, her fingers working quickly to undo the button of his pants and to pull down the zipper. Lavi pulled away from the girl and jerked his pants off, tossing them aside. His thick, long member begging to be set free. With Lavi still standing, Jessica pulled down his boxers, his dick being fully exposed to it. Being no stranger to it, the girl wrapped her small hand around it and began to slowly pump the way Lavi had shown her how. Lavi felt himself shake with excitement, her Bookman skills made her a fast learner, and he very much appreciated that._

_Her pace began to quicken, he clenched his eyes shut, the pleasure intensifying with each stroke of her hand. Jessica released her grip on his penis and stood up, she turned him around and forced him to sit on the bed, she got down on her knees and positioned herself in-between his legs. He liked where this was going._

_The wet hotness of her mouth never ceased to amaze him, a quiet groan instantly escaped through his slightly parted lips._

_With each bob of her head, she took in more of dick; she was going deeper and deeper. Her fingers played with his balls, his hands tangled in her hair, subconsciously pushing his dick further into her mouth. Jessica began to suck harder and harder, her teeth grazing his sensitive skin. He could feel himself about to cum, but he quickly pulled her head up before he could. He didn’t want to finish like this._

_The girl looked up at him, confused.  He looked into her glazed eyes; both of them were too drunk on lust to stop now._

_“Stand up.” Lavi quietly muttered to the girl. She immediately stood; Lavi’s fingers traced the hem of her pants before unbuttoning and unzipping the jean material. He pulled her pants down, they dropped to the floor, and Jessica pulled her legs free and stared at the naked boy._

_A sudden blush crossed her face…this would be the first time Lavi would see her fully naked._

_Lavi stared at the thin girl, her matching white underwear hiding her sacred place. She had given him so much pleasure, he wanted to return that._

_Slowly Lavi’s fingers came between the fabric of her underwear and her skin, looking her in the eye; he slowly pulled the fabric down, till he could hear the soft thud of it hitting the floor. She looked so beautiful; her body was just absolutely perfect to him. He could see the stretch marks and scars on her body, but as far as he was concerned those weren’t imperfections, they were her history. Everything about her was amazing; nothing could make him think otherwise._

_He grabbed Jessica’s waist and threw her to the bed, the girl surprised by the sudden action. As he crawled over her body, like a lion about to devour his prey, she scooted herself up further on the bed, till she reached the headboard, her head resting on the pillows below. His lips met hers passionately, and then he lips trailed down her neck, then down her chest, placing a kiss on both breasts before kissing his way down her stomach, placing a small kiss on her bellybutton._

_He went back up to her head and kissed her again, his girlfriend tangling her small fingers in his bright red hair. Using one hand to keep himself balanced, his other hand snaked its way down her body, reaching her entrance. His thumb rubbed at her clitoris, the pleasure made her lean more into the kiss, her tongue begging for entry._

_He pushed one finger inside of her warm opening, his finger pumping in and out of her vagina. The girl moaned into his lips, the vibrations could be felt on his tongue. Hoping to increase her pleasure he added a second finger, pumping them in and out more quickly and with more force._

_Feeling her getting wetter, the boy removed his fingers and pulled away from the kiss. The girl groaned out in disappointment, but he would soon make up for that._

_Before the girl could understand what he was doing, he positioned his mouth at her entrance, his hot tongue pushing itself inside of her. Jessica gasped at the newfound sensation of his tongue entering her. He pulled it out and began to lick her clitoris, the girl moaned immediately in reaction, the boy smiling at the fact he was doing this to her. He began to suck at her, the girl reached down to wrap her fingers up in his hair, her moans getting more intense with each flick of his tongue._

_“Ahh…Lavi…” He loved hearing her say his name, he loved hearing her moan._

_Jessica could feel herself getting hotter, the pleasure getting more intense with each movement of his tongue. She had never experienced such pleasure before, it felt like a coil that was getting tighter and tighter with each new wave of pleasure._

_“Lavi…I think I’m gonna…”_

_He was going to make sure that she was._

_He stuck a finger inside of her and began to pump in and out of her while he sucked at her clitoris. The girl’s grip on his hair grew tighter with each passing second._

_Within a few seconds, the girl’s whole body tensed up, her back arched, a loud moan escaping from her mouth, followed by tinier more shallow moans._

_Lavi could feel her vagina contract around his finger, as he continued to pump in out of her._

_After her orgasm finished, he pulled himself up and crawled back up towards her, the girl breathing in shaky breaths._

_He gave her a small peck on the lips._

_“Jessica…are you ready for this?”_

_“Yes, I am.”_

_“Are you sure because we can stop anytime?”_

_“I’m sure Lavi. Make love to me, please.”_

_With a final nod, her grabbed at her thighs and opened her legs up wider and positioned himself better at her entrance. He could feel the head of penis touch the warmness of her vagina, her juices eager to welcome him inside._

_“I’ll go slow.”_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down closer to her, and kissed him deeply. With a final confirmation from her, he slowly pushed himself inside of her._

_Once he felt his head inside, he stopped; the girl seemed okay, so he started to slowly push himself in further. The girl pulled away from his lips and tossed her head to the side, her face scrunched up with slight pain. He kissed her cheek, waiting for her word to continue._

_The girl nodded her head when she was ready and pushed himself in further, the girl groaned out in pain, but with a final push he was fully inside of her._

_Afraid to move he just sat there, feeling how tight, how hot, and how wet she was. It was hard not to move, every bone in his body was begging him to move, but he didn’t want to hurt her. So as hard as it was to be patient, he waited._

_The girl looked up at him, their eyes meeting, her hand reached up and she removed his eyepatch._

_“This is a moment you should capture with both eyes, love.” Her voice was shaky._

_Taking that as an okay to start moving, he slowly pulled himself out and then pushed himself back in. The girl winced the first couple of times that he did this, but soon she adjusted to the feeling of him penetrating her body._

_“Lavi…go faster…” The girl begged him._

_“Anything for you darling.”_

_Lavi started to go faster, trying to keep himself from groaning. He had never experienced such pleasure before, this was new and amazing. He loved being inside of her, he loved pumping in out of her. The feeling of her pussy against his dick started to drive him crazy._

_Before he knew it, he was pounding in out of the girl, their skin clapping together each time he pounded into her. The pleasure was intensifying with each stoke, his hands gripped the girls hips, his nails unintentionally digging into her soft skin. He sat up on knees and pulled her hips upwards, penetrating her faster and harder. They felt hot, both of them covered in a thin layer of sweat._

_He could hear the soft sweet moans from the girl beneath him, her hands gripped at his shoulders._

_As he went faster the girl moaned loader, a groan escaped his lips and before he knew it he could no longer control himself._

_All that could be heard in the room was the sounds of their moans getting stronger as he went in and out of her small body. The girl began to shove her hips into his each time he entered her womanhood. As she met his strokes, he could feel the pleasure grow stronger and stronger._

_Lavi could feel himself starting to build up, his climax was near. He couldn’t control himself anymore, he kept going and going._

_“Jessica…I’m about to cum…”_

_The girl moaned, “Cum in me, I want to feel it.”_

_Turned on by her words, he kept going, unafraid of the consequences for such an action. With a few more strokes he came, his ejaculation was more intense than anything else he had felt before. Jessica gasped at the sensation of his cum entering her body, how hot it was._

_The boy pumped a few more times, riding out his climax before breathlessly collapsing on top of the girl. Both of them breathing heavily._

_Jessica rubbed his back sweetly as he kissed her shoulder, the two of them felt high. In that moment all that mattered was them._

_“I can’t believe we just did that.” The boy muttered into neck._

_A grin extended across the girls face, “I can’t either.”_

_“Did you like it?”_

_“Oh yeah…did you?”_

_“Fuck yeah.”_

_The girl giggled at his words._

_“Jessica, I love you.”_

_“I love you too sweetie.”_

_Lavi rolled over so he could lay next to Jessica, pulling at the blanket. Jessica and he lifted their bodies up enough to let the blanket roll out from beneath them, the two of them sliding underneath the soft blanket._

_Jessica rolled over on her side and Lavi wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to his body. The skin on skin contact just made earlier events feel more real._

_Feeling himself falling asleep, he kissed the back of the girl’s neck, his warm breath caressing the skin._

_“Goodnight love.”_

_“Goodnight dear.”_

_With that the two of them fell asleep, feeling more at peace than ever before._


	14. Chapter Fourteen: How They Almost Succumbed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot going on in my life for awhile so with that I ended up suffering from writers block. 
> 
> I am back now though with more ideas!
> 
> I would like to apologize in advance, it has been awhile since I visited this story, so my writing of the characters and event may be a bit stunted and awkward.

After that one night of intimacy, Lavi and Jessica started having a hard time controlling themselves. They found themselves tangled in each other’s bodies on a daily basis. They craved each other, both emotionally and physically. It made it hard whenever the other was gone and fear crept up in each of their throats with each mission they were assigned apart.

Lavi remembered the first time he feared not only for his safety, but for that of the one he loved. The fear that only death could bring. He remembered how he almost lost her, how as she struggled to breathe, how he prayed to the God he barely believed in to not lose her.

~…~

_Lavi laid beside Jessica in her bed, his hand stroking through her long blonde hair. This was always how he spent his time after making love with her. He would stare at her flushed face and caress her head, quietly watching as her eyes drifted closed, her breathing steadily getting slower as she fell into a deep sleep._

_He moved his hand from her hair and turned on his back and stared at the ceiling when he was sure that she was asleep. A rush of memories flashed right before him. Her pleasurable moans, the scratches on his back, the way she called his name as she bounced up and down, and how he bit her shoulder as he came. He shivered at the memories of the sweet pleasure he had experienced earlier in the night._

_This was his life now, and he wanted nothing more than to have it forever. Yet, even though he knew it felt like this duties as a Bookman belonged to a past self, it was still his future and Jessica’s too. It was a sensation that clutched at his heart, but he forced down deep inside himself.  With a sigh, Lavi slowly removed himself from the young female’s bed and began to find his clothes scattered across the floor. He was afraid that Bookman would question him as to why he had been gone._

_He was about to leave when he felt a warm hand grab his wrist and gently pulled him back down. Lavi turned his head and gave a small smile to his sweetheart._

_“Sorry, did I wake you?” He inquired as he stared at Jessica’s golden eyes._

_“Yes, but that’s okay. Are you going back to your room?”_

_“Mhm, it’s almost one, Bookman will definitely be asking where I was.” He watched as the girl pouted. She never liked it when he had to leave._

_“Okay…just remember though that tomorrow morning Komui needs me in his office. My guess is that it is for a mission, so I’ll probably be gone for a while.”_

_Lavi nodded his head in confirmation and leaned down and kissed her. Jessica rested her hand on back of his neck, guiding him forward. Lavi moaned as the girl deepened the kiss, begging for entry into his mouth as her tongue grazed his teeth. Lavi wanted to badly to give in, but he couldn’t, he really needed to leave or he could potentially jeopardize everything._

_“Jessie-chan, I really need to go.” He spoke between breaths._

_“I know, but I don’t want you to.”_

_Lavi gave her a final peck and stood up to leave._

_“Goodnight, Jess.”_

_“Goodnight, Lavi.”_

_~…~_

_Lavi was able to make it into his room last night without any questions, as the older Bookman was already asleep in the top bunk. Feeling relieved that he wouldn’t need to use any excuses, he quickly rolled into bed and passed out._

_He woke only when the light from the window engulfed the room, the clock to his right reading eleven. Upon remembering that Jessica said she was heading to Komui’s office, Lavi jolted up, saddened that he had probably missed his chance to say goodbye to his lover._

_All he could do now was wait for her._

_~…~_

_Jessica peered out of the train’s window, watching the Spanish countryside sped by. At first she was apprehensive about this mission, but as she read the file and became acquainted with its contents, she felt that this would be a shut and close case._

_It was just a normal village being tormented by Akuma, with some unexplained activity to indicate Innocence was in the area. She had seen these things many times before, so she was prepared to embark on this mission. More than likely it would end up being just killing a bunch of level one Akuma, discover there is no Innocence in the area, and return to the Order only to be given a similar assignment within the next couple of days._

_She was bored of this life; the only thing that made it bearable was him._

_A knock came from outside the compartment and the door slide open to reveal a young finder, with spiky black hair and light blue eyes. Lavi had mentioned this finder to her before._

_“What is it Doug?” she asked as he walked into the compartment, sitting on the opposite seat._

_“I just wanted to let you know that we’ll be stopping in Madrid first and then making our way to the village of Muerte on foot. The whole trip should take about an hour maybe less if we’re lucky.”_

_Jessica didn’t even bother to smile at him and simply nodded. He had proven before that he knew the darkness that lurked inside of her heart and felt no desire to even try to fake it._

_“However, I do think you should know that we should err on the side of caution.”_

_“Why?”_

_“You’re the only Exorcist on this mission and I really think that you should….”_

_“Doug, I’ll be fine. This isn’t my first solo mission.” She tried her best to give him a sincere comforting smile, but he looked at her unconvinced._

_“Can I ask you something?” His eyes gazing towards the floor of the compartment._

_“I suppose.”_

_“How do you and Lavi do it?”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“How do you guys live a life that doesn’t seem worth living?”_

_Jessica was surprised by the honesty in his voice and looked towards the window again._

_“We do it because it was destined for us. This isn’t a life that anyone seeks out, as we have our reasons for becoming Bookman. Whether it is because we’re special or because we have nothing else, this is a life that is not chosen but given.”_

_Doug was silent and simply nodded, choosing to let the conversation go. Jessica made it obvious to him that it was something he would never even begin to understand._

_With that Jessica laid down and closed her eyes, eager to get some sleep before they made it to Madrid._

_~…~_

_As they walked along the path towards the village of Muerte, Jessica and Doug remained silent. It was clear that he didn’t really like her and she felt no reason to try and change his mind on that. The hot sun was beaming down on her and she couldn’t help but wish to remove her jacket to escape its burning rays. Doug looked also extremely hot, but they’re comfort didn’t matter, as they needed to be capable of being identified._

_“Hey Jessica?” Doug inquired as they walked down the dirt path._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Once we reach the village I will be leaving, another finder by the name of Lao will be serving as your primary finder for this mission.”_

_“You’re telling me this why?”_

_“I just thought I should mention it.”_

_“Okay, but-“_

_Jessica cut herself off as she saw the village in the distance, there was no point in discussing it now since they were already here._

_Standing in front of her was a finder she had never seen before, but she could assume was Lao. He was distinctly Chinese, his straight black hair came down to his broad shoulders, he was short for a guy but he made up for it in muscle._

_Doug shook the man’s hand and was gone before Jessica knew it. Man, he really didn’t like her._

_She looked at Lao’s dark, narrow eyes and held out her hand._

_“You must be Lao; it’s nice to meet you?”_

_He only stared at her hand, his silence insisting that she was better off not even trying to be friendly with him either. ‘What is with these finders today?’ she thought to herself as she set her arm down._

_“We’re here for business and the sooner you get done, the sooner we can go.”_

_“Alright…well what can you tell me about the village?” Jessica prompted the young finder._

_“Didn’t you read file?” obviously annoyed._

_“I did, but I could a refresher, plus I need to know if any new information has come to light since before my arrival.”_

_Lao looked towards the town and looked back at Jessica; it was almost like he didn’t trust her._

_“Well besides the increase of Akuma in the area, the abnormality seems be the town has fall into mass paranoia.” Jessica sighed, “Could you emphasize on that?”_

_“This town is known for being a place that weary travelers can rest on their way to Madrid or any other major cities nearby. Well for the last couple of days the townsfolk have forbidden most people from entering or leaving the city.”_

_“What’s so weird about them being hostile? The Spanish-American war is going on right now, that has to be putting them edge. I can’t understand what Innocence would have to do with such a thing. “_

_Lao sighed, “It all started when the mayor came back from a hunting trip. I was able to talk to a couple of villagers who claimed that he brought home some kind of gem that he claimed to have found within an animal he poached.”_

_“Have you been able to get this confirmed?” The more he spoke about the circumstances, the more uninterested she was. “Not yet, I wanted to wait for you before I took that step.”_

_“I understand. How long have you been stationed here?”_

_“I’ve only been here for a week Exorcist.” Jessica brought her thumb to her lips, thinking. It was possible that if Innocence was involved it was causing the villagers odd behavior, but at the same time she couldn’t be sure. She had seen it with her own eyes, the strange things that Innocence was capable of. Even though she had already decided long before that this mission was a bust, she needed to approach it like there was Innocence._

_Jessica stared off into the village; it seemed like a normal bustling day. People were buying groceries, children were running freely about. Nothing gave her any indication that the village was suffering mass paranoia. “Lao, if nobody is allowed in or out, how are we supposed to get in?”_

_  
“The Order called the mayor in advance to tell him of our impending arrival and made arrangements to keep the villagers from shutting us out.”_

_“Do they really trust that it will work?”_

_“It’s only a guess, but I’m pretty sure money was involved. From what I’ve been able to gather from nearby places is that the mayor of this town is a little bit frugal.”_

_Jessica turned towards the front gates and sighed, “Well I guess it’s time to put it towards the test.”_

_With a final burst of courage, the girl stepped through the gates and into the village._

_~…~_

_What seemed like a normal village in the beginning quickly changed the minute she walked through the gates. What had previously been a bustling town now completely stopped and stared at her in silence._

_Any villagers within her presence stared her down, women pulled their children closer, business owners closed their windows, and huge group of men made their way towards her. She looked to her left and stared at Lao, wondering on what he planned to say._

_“Is there anything I can do for you, outsiders?” A man who was a good foot taller than she boomed. He made it no secret to his displeasure._

_“We are from the Black Order, sir. We were told that we could enter upon permission of Mayor Juarez.” Lao spoke clearly and confidentially to the bigger man._

_“Juarez never said anything about you.” Jessica cautiously eyed the gardening hoe within his hands._

_“You can ask him yourself, I can assure you that we have permission to be here.”_

_More men began to surround them, but both Jessica and Lao refusing to move. The tension in the air was almost unbearable. Jessica knew how to defend herself, but she preferred to avoid personal conflict._

_The brute man took a step forward, “Get out of our fucking village. “His voice seemed calm, but the venom on voice oozed from him like a snake ready to strike._

_Lao seemed to be taken aback by the man’s dismissal._

_“We have every right to be here.” Jessica chimed in, approaching the man, displaying confidence that she internally didn’t have. This man had to be twice her size and was angry, and that made her nervous._

_“Does it look like we care?!” The man roared, the group of weaponized people increasing with each sentence._

_Jessica was about to retort when an older fellow, probably in his mid-forties approached the group. His graying hair was neatly slicked to the side, and he wore the trappings of an obviously wealthy man, he was a portly man but his height made up for it was he had to be at least more than six feet._

_“Geraldo, it is quite alright.” The man spoke in an almost hypnotically smooth voice to the man._

_“But sir they are trespassing!”_

_“They spoke the truth when they said I gave them permission to be here. They are here to help.” Jessica was able to confirm that this man was town’s mayor by the way that Geraldo seemed to react to him and was quite thankful that he showed up when he did._

_“Please excuse my villagers; I didn’t have the chance to let them know that I had indeed allowed you to come into our village.” The mayor gave a small nod towards the young female exorcist._

_The tension between Jessica and Geraldo was nowhere close to easing, but the bigger man slowly put the hoe down and backed away. The crowd suddenly began to die down, but all eyes were still on the two supposed intruders._

_Once the crowd cleared, the older man walked up to Jessica and patted her on the back. It was an action that irritated the girl, there was only one person who could touch her and it definitely wasn’t him._

_“Welcome to our small village of Muerte! I’m sorry that my villagers caused you problems, but any newcomers seem to put them at unease these days.”_

_“Do you know why that is?” Jessica inquired, hoping that they sooner she figured out what was up, the sooner she could leave._

_“Now, now we can ask those questions later. For now let us go back to my humble abode and let us discuss the details of your stay.”_

_“But sir I think it is important that we start investigating.” Lao spoke in a professional manner to the bigger man before him._

_“Those things we can discuss a little bit later.” The mayor turned and started to walk away hoping that they would automatically just start to follow him._

_“Mr. Mayor-“_

_“Please call me Juarez Exorcist.”_

_“Mr. Juarez, you said something about how your town needed help. Is there anything you can tell me about that?” Jessica inquired as she walked beside the wrinkling man._

_“My town is currently under a lot of stress Exorcist.”_

_“I am aware of that sir, but I can’t help you or your villagers if you don’t tell me what is going on.”_

_Juarez sighed but continued walking, “The village was doing fine up until a couple of weeks ago, but then these monsters started appearing. They killed several of our townspeople before retreating under mysterious circumstances.”_

_“They retreated?” Lao inquired._

_“Yes, it was fairly strange…as you can see we are a small settlement, it wouldn’t have taken much for those beasts to tear us down.”_

_“Could you describe these monsters to us?” Jessica stared at the old man intently._

_“Well there were at least three of them that looked like giant balloons that just aimlessly shot around them, but there was one that was definitely different from the others. This one looked like a giant stingray?” The mayor looked at them worriedly almost like he was afraid they would think he was insane._

_Jessica gave him a reassuring smile, “We believe you sir, so please continue.”_

_“Mhm, then after that the monsters made periodic visits, attacking, and then retreating with a few minutes.”_

_“Is there anything that could be causing the townsfolk to behave oddly? Has anything else happened?”_

_The mayor stopped for a moment and put his thumb towards his lips, thinking. “Well there may be one thing…?”_

_Curiousity oozed from Jessica’s golden eyes, “What is it?”_

_“As you have probably already been told I went on a hunting trip and returned around the time that these events started occurring.”_

_“Is that all?” Jessica asked, almost disappointed._

_“No, while on my hunting I was able to kill a deer, it was just a doe, but hey a shot is a shot. Anyways, I had the doe mounted and set up in my living room.”_

_“A couple villagers told me that you found some kind of a gem within this creature?” Lao spoke up from behind._

_“Yes, but because I thought it was such an odd thing, I had it stuffed back inside of the head.”_

_“So why mention this to us?” Jessica looked back at Lao; he knew how to ask the good questions._

_“The head disappeared.”_

_“What?” Jessica’s eyes went wide the mayor’s strange accusation._

_“Like someone stole it?” Lao pressed further._

_“I initially thought that one of my staff members may have taken it, but then people started reporting mysterious sightings of a deer that was ghost white and had glowing green eyes. Whenever anyone attempted to approach it, it would take off. We have since used that deer as an indicator as to when the attacks will start from those monsters.” The mayor stopped in front of two story home, surrounded by a tall iron fence. ‘This must be his home.’ Jessica thought to herself as she stared the rustic stonework._

_“Basically you’re saying that whenever this mysterious deer appears, the akuma appear?” Jessica was confused, but excited at the same time. This seemed like it would actually turn out to be a real mission for once._

_“I suppose that is what I am saying.”_

_Lao put his hand on the man’s shoulder, “When and where does this white deer usually appear from?”_

_The mayor turned and pointed towards a heavily forested area next to his house, “I’ve heard villagers say that they see it near the edge of the forest and once the attacks begin, it recoils back into the deep woods. As far as when, it usually takes place around dusk…that’s how we know that its eyes glow. Please if you know how to help my villagers I will do anything. The attacks or becoming more frequent and I don’t know how much longer we can hold out.”_

_Jessica nodded in understanding and turned to face Lao, “What time is it currently?”_

_“It is currently one in the afternoon madam exorcist.”_

_“Great. We shall take a look around and meet up at the forest around nine and see if we spot this mysterious deer. My assumption is that this deer contained innocence and once the innocence was able to use the deer as a host, it fled to protect itself. Do you think that sounds about right?”_

_“Well the only part that confuses me is how it went from being a head to being a full deer.”_

_“More than likely the innocence compensated for the lack of body and created its own.”_

_“Can Innocence really do that?” The mayor asked._

_“It wouldn’t surprise me.” Jessica sighed._

_Lao shrugged, “Sir, if you could give me a list of the villagers who have personally seen this deer, it would greatly help us to narrow in on its location and help us capture it”_

_“Oh, sure but don’t expect them to work with you, they’re all on edge.”_

_“I understand. Madam Exorcist do you wish for me to follow up these individuals or do wish to explore the town?”_

_“I’ll explore the town, besides I have a phone call I need to make.”_

_“Yes ma’am.”_

_“Mayor Juarez, do you have a phone I could borrow?”_

_“Yes ma’am, I’ll take you right to it. I’ll tell you now though that is there is anything you need at all, please let me know. I will try and see if I can get my villagers to cooperate with but I can’t make any guarantees.”_

_“That’s fine.”_

_~…~_

_Once Jessica had made it inside, she grabbed her golem and attached the proper cords to it. She didn’t have time to have an actual conversation with Lavi, as the faster she got done with this mission the sooner she could back in his arms._

_She decided that she would just leave a message on his golem as each person’s golem had its own unique number and person._

_Jessica quickly dialed the number and waited till she heard the click indicating that she mad connected with his golem’s message recorder._

_“Hey Lavi it’s me Jessica…I’m sorry that I didn’t stop by to say that I was leaving but I know he went to bed late and I didn’t want Bookman to get curious. If you haven’t already heard, I’m currently in Spain...I totally thought this mission was going to be another bust but it actually seems there might be Innocence involved so not only is that good, but I won’t be bored out of my mind…”_

_She paused for a moment, unsure of what to say next._

_“I miss you. I know that we’ve only been apart for a couple days, but it feels like I haven’t seen you in forever. I don’t want sound cheesy, but you really are the only reason I stay. On the bright side though, when I get back not only can you read to me from that book you have been dying to introduce to me, but we can also just have tons of…’fun’.” She couldn’t help but giggle, “Sorry I’m currently in the mayor’s home…well…I love you and I’ll get home to you as quickly as I can…bye!”_

_She hung up the phone quickly, she always rambled when she got mushy and romantic. It wasn’t something that she was good at, but she at least wanted to try and be at least somewhat normal in a somewhat normal relationship with him. But then again he wasn’t normal either._

_“Madam…” Mayor Juarez chirped form behind the girl._

_“AHH!” The girl quickly turned to face the older gentlemen, her face turning bright red. “You didn’t hear any of that did you?!”_

_“Oh I heard every word ma’am.”_

_Jessica dropped her head, feeling even more ashamed than embarrassed now._

_“So even people like you can find love? I’m not trying to be rude, but if I had to do things like this all the time, I don’t think I would ever be capable of such a thing.” His dark eyes looking at her golden ones._

_“It’s not easy…but I think it’s worth it.”_

_“Well there is a saying…’La ausencia es al amor lo que al fuego el aire: que apaga al pequeño y aviva al grande.’ Have you ever heard of that one?”_

_Jessica shook her head._

_Well it translates to, ‘Absence is to love what fire to air: that it puts out the small and rekindles the big’.” Upon seeing her looking confused, he smiled, “It basically means that absence makes the heart grow fonder.”_

_Jessica licked her lips, “I guess it does. I better be going now sir is there anything else that you need from me?”_

_“The only thing you can do is get these attacks to stop.”_

_With a final assuring nod Jessica grabbed her golem and took off ready to start getting an idea of the terrain._

_~…~_

_Jessica and Lao met back up around the outskirts of the forest as the sun began to set over the dark tall trees._

_“Did the villagers give you any information?” Jessica asked her companion._

_“Some were helpful while others refused. They all said the same basic thing though, that the doe would appear right outside the forest, whenever the doe was approached it would run off into the forest, but I did also learn that people claim that when the akuma decide to retreat, they make their way to the forest as well.”_

_“So basically they hide out, when the doe appears, they appear in an attempt to destroy the Innocence, but when the Innocence runs, they run after it?”_

_“Pretty much.”_

_“Well then perhaps we should head inside and see if we can find it before they do.”_

_“Right.”_

_With a deep breath both Lao and Jessica started walking into the woods, the sun barely visible between the thick branches and leaves that stood over them. It was unsettling, walking through such a dense and darkening area but it was necessary._

_They walked for what seemed like forever._

_The deeper in the forest they went, the darker it got until Jessica and Lao could barely see in front of themselves. Jessica looked at her watch; it was already two in the morning. Lao dug around in his bag, pulling from it a flashlight. He pushed the button and faintly illuminated the roots and moss that covered the darkest parts of their surroundings. Jessica pulled the collar of jacket closer in attempt to warm herself up, despite the hot weather during the day; the night had grown so chilly she could see her breath within the air._

_Jessica was about to start moving forward when a sudden snap resounded from the darkness. Both she and Lao flipped their heads in the direction of the noise, slowly moving the flashlight towards the source of the nose. Jessica instinctively reached for her glaive extending it out from its normal retracted position._

_SNAP_

_Jessica jerked her to her left, the metal of her glaive glistening in the pale moonlight. Slowly she walked towards the noise…_

_SNAP_

_Lao quickly aimed his light, illuminating nothing more than a little rabbit._

_“A rabbit?” Lao was in total disbelief._

_“There’s no way a rabbit made that noise…”Jessica felt herself trail off._

_SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP_

_The snapping continued in getting louder and louder with each passing second._

_Suddenly there was silence._

_Jessica slowly turned around, not knowing what to expect._

_It took her a minute to recognize what she was looking at…a soft light illuminate the doe the white pelt was almost blinding. The trees surrounding the doe were bent away, almost as if they were making a path for the god like creature to travel._

_“Lao turn off the light…” Jessica breathlessly whispered towards her companion to which he obliged. They both looked the doe in total awe as it hadn’t seem to taken notice to them._

_Jessica grabbed Lao’s sleeve and dragged him towards a tree to hide behind. Jessica stuck her head out slightly out and watched the doe continued to stand still, staring at their general direction._

_“What is it doing? Did it see us?” Lao quizzically asked his younger companion._

_“I don’t think so…”_

_“So why is it just standing there?”_

_Jessica looked at the deer, she was almost sure that it was staring directly at her. Jessica looked down at her glaive and suddenly it hit her._

_“Maybe it’s because it knows.”_

_“Knows what?”_

_“That we are here to help it.”_

_Jessica started stepped out from behind the tree and waited for the Innocence to acknowledge her presence. “Jessica! Get back here!” Lao harshly whispered from behind the tree._

_She and this mysterious doe locked eyes as she slowly started to walk towards it._

_At first she was afraid that it would run, but it remained calm, waiting for her impending arrival._

_“Jessica!” Lao whispered after her._

_“Lao, just stay behind the tree. I know what I’m doing.”_

_It felt like she had been walking forever, but the doe was only within a few feet of her. Jessica took in a deep breath, its glowing green eyes encompassing her. She suddenly felt safe and relaxed. She set her glaive down on the ground slowly and reached her hand out towards this comforting source of light. She took one step at a time, easing her way up to it slowly._

_They never broke eye contact._

_Within an instant Jessica lightly grazed its face with her fingertips and immediately the doe broke into a thousand burning shards. Jessica shielded her face from the bright light and screamed. The trees suddenly whipping back with leaves and branches falling from above._

_Lao came running out from behind the tree, “Exorcist!”_

_Jessica looked back and floating in the air was a piece of Innocence, just patiently waiting for her take it._

_Jessica grabbed it and turned towards Lao._

_“Oi! Look what I got!” Jessica smiled towards her companion, but she was only greeted with the color draining from Lao’s face as he looked beyond her._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“Get down!”_

_Lao charged towards her and knocked her towards the ground as purple bullets rained down from the sky around them._

_“Lao!”_

_Jessica tried to look past Lao but all she could see was darkness and flashes of deadly light._

_“Lao get off of me! Lao?”_

_As Jessica pushed him up off of her she could see the black stars that formed across his skin, his eyes rolled in the back of head and suddenly he was nothing more than dust._

_It took her a second to fully understand what had happened, but she quickly disregarded what was left of him and lunged towards her glaive._

_There were too many bullets and it was she just her out here._

_Clumsily after grabbing her glaive, she rushed behind a tree hoping to try and find some cover from the chaos._

_Jessica looked at the piece of Innocence in her hand placing it in the pocket of her Exorcist coat, trying to remember the path she took to get herself where she was now. The rain of bullets suddenly stopped, if she wanted to escape this was her chance._

_Jessica was about to bolt when she suddenly remembered her promise to the mayor. If she left now without defeating these akuma, their fate would certainly only be death. She shouldn’t care about these people, but at the same time she felt like she had to. ‘Jessica made a promise to that mayor and Jessica is going to carry out that promise.’_

_The bullets started to rain down again, but this time Jessica decided to take the time to notice where they were coming from._

_One.Two.Three.Four._

_There were at least four of them._

_When the bullets cleared and smoke faded, Jessica lunged at the opportunity. Running straight ahead, Jessica jumped in the air and slashed the first akuma as it exploded around her._

_Jessica then pivoted towards the right and slashed again, killing the second one._

_The third akuma emerged from behind the trees and shot at her, barely missing her back. She quickly turned around, “Innocence Level Two: God’s Protection!” Her shield blocking the poisonous bullets._

_When it ran out of energy, Jessica disabled the shield and ran forward, cutting it down. Level ones were easy and there was only one left._

_Jessica turned to look behind her, but there was nothing there._

_She was sure that it was right there._

_“Hello Exorcist” a deep unmistakably mechanical voice cooed from behind her._

_Jessica jerked and slashed her glaive only for it be blocked by a mechanical tail. It looked like a giant stingray, just like the mayor had described._

_Its eyes were blood red and black stripes accentuated its gray mechanical body, green dots speckled around. The tail was long and had a razor sharp end, a thing she obviously needed to avoid at all cost._

_It wrapped its tail around her arm and threw her through the trees, the young exorcist crashing into a thick tree trunk. Her glaive dropped from her hand. The girl gasped as she struggled to regain the wind that had been knocked out of her._

_Jessica tried to get back up but was quickly ambushed by the level two as it cut through the tree with its tail, just barely missing her._

_Thinking quickly Jessica reached for her glaive and shoved it upwards piercing the level two. It gave an awful screech that slashed its tail towards her again, hitting the ground next to her._

_“Innocence: Fallen Moses!” The akuma suddenly went stiff, its body violently shaking as a thick layer of ice suddenly started to cover its entire body._

_“What are you doing to me you damn Exorcist!? STOP IT!”_

_Jessica tried her best to hold her glaive in place within its body, she only needed a couple more second and she could take care of it for good._

_“STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!” The angry akuma roared._

_“Stop it….stop it…sto…”_

_The stingray before her didn’t move and feeling a sense of relief wash over her Jessica removed her glaive and laid down on the ground. She still felt like she couldn’t breathe and she was almost certain she had a couple broken ribs._

_With nothing to worry Jessica grabbed the innocence from her pocket and inspected it making sure that no damage came to it from being thrown around._

_Jessica closed her eyes for a minute and just laid in the silence. Lao was dead and even though she knew it wasn’t her fault, she felt like it was._

_With the level two frozen she decided to get up and see if there was anything left of him that she could salvage. She stood up clumsily as her body ached with each movement. She took one step forward and another, limping her way towards his ashes._

_She didn’t hear the cracking noise behind her._

_The young exorcist suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and felt her whole body lurch. She tried her best to turn around…what was wrong with her? Something wasn’t right. The stingray itself was frozen, but the tail had already thawed free, giving it complete access to attack her. Without another thought Jessica attempted to slash at it only to stumble, a burning sensation emitted from her side and the girl couldn’t help but scream out in agony as she fell to the ground._

_Blood oozed from her side._

_Jessica, with shaky hands, felt at the wound, a deep gash right through the left side of her abdomen. Jessica couldn’t stop screaming as the burning sensation went up her and into her neck. Her head felt like it was about to explode._

_The tail from the level two struck at her again, slinging her glaive away from her._

_“No….” Jessica moaned out agony._

_Using her good arm, the exorcist tried to drag herself out of the tails reach but it proved futile when it slashed again at her back, the burning sensation paralyzing her completely._

_All she could do was scream at this point but even her lungs felt like they were about to give out. She tried to move her arm, tried to reach out towards her Innocence, but the efforts only proved futile, she couldn’t move at all._

_The last thing that crossed her mind as she slowly slipped into darkness was Lavi._

_~…~_

_She woke up with sudden gasp of air. The sun was not quite out yet, but the sky was filled with gray clouds that only came with early morning._

_With what little strength she had, she tried to lift herself up but only feel back down again. She could see a red pool surrounding her as black specks blurred her vision._

_She turned her head to try and see if the level two was still there. She wasn’t sure if was happy it was or that it wasn’t._

_She was slightly alarmed however…instead of the level two being there, her glaive rested there. The blade stuck in the ground, the metal vines that had accented it now completely covered it._

_Jessica took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, and pushed herself upwards, crawling towards her glaive slowly, the burning sensation coursed through her body again making the girl cry out in agony as she dragged her broken body across the dirty ground._

_She barely touched the blade of her glaive when it folded in on itself automatically, as if it were happy to see its master still moving._

_Jessica took in a sharp breath and grabbed it and rolled over onto her back._

_She was in no condition to be able to make it back to town and judging by the red trail that extended from a significant puddle of blood, she was pretty sure she was close to bleeding out._

_Jessica shakily reached into her pocket trying to find her golem, only to find it in bits and pieces._

_‘Probably from when I was thrown into the tree…’ she quietly thought to herself._

_Shit._

_What was she going to do? She couldn’t die out here, could she?_

_She couldn’t move, breathing was getting harder, and her vision only blurred more._

_Maybe this was what was meant to happen, maybe she was meant to die here._

_Closing her eyes seemed like the best option, closing her eyes and letting herself drift away. It wasn’t like she ever meant anything anyway, she would always be a forgotten character left to stand in the background. She would never be a real person anyway._

_‘ **Why are you giving up?’** a voice deep inside her asked._

**_‘I’m not giving up.”_ ** _The familiar voice of her master intruded her thoughts._

**_‘That’s not what it seems to me…’_ **

**_‘There’s nothing I can do.’_ **

**_‘Think deep within yourself child…I taught you something long ago.’_ **

**_‘I have no recollection of that.’_ **

**_‘Yes, you do my apprentice.’_ **

**_‘Even if I could remember though, there’s no point in trying. I’m just a shadow, meant to disappear from history, meant to never exist in the first place.’_ **

**_‘You may not think you matter, but you certainly matter to other people. You may not think you are real, but there are others who believe that you are.’_ **

**_‘I can’t get up though, I can’t help myself Master!’_ **

**_‘I already told you…you can.’_ **

**_‘I have no idea what mean!’_ **

**_‘It is deep within yourself…the reason I chose you to carry on with my line…’_ **

**_‘Master! Please just tell me!’_ **

**_‘You were born with a gift my apprentice and it is time for you to use that gift. Think of your home, think of where you want to be the most and you shall be there…’_ **

_Jessica opened her eyes, a renowned sense of purpose flowing through her body. She was afraid to do such a thing, but it was her last ditch effort._

_“oqa xa sephe…”_

_A tunnel of light suddenly surrounded her; the last thing she could remember was falling towards the ground of the training room within the Black Order._

**_Oqa xa sephe…._ **

**_Take me home._ **

_~…~_

_Lavi honestly had no idea what to think when he heard the emergency alarm ring throughout the dark halls of the Black Order. Lavi groggily reached for his headband on his nightstand, trying to find the energy to open his only exposed and eye and investigate the cause of such an alarm._

_“ **ALL MEDICAL PERSONNAL PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE TRAINING ROOM FOR EMERGENCY MEDICAL ASSISTANCE. WE HAVE AN EXORCIST DOWN, I REPEAT, WE HAVE EXORCIST DOWN. “**_

**** _Lavi sighed; it wouldn’t surprise him if Kanda went a little too hard on one of the newer Exorcist at all. He sat up slowly, still trying to wake himself up when he sounds of rushing footsteps outside of his door._

_Wow, it must be serious…maybe he should go investigate._

_With a purpose given, Lavi eagerly stood up and grabbed his boots, slipping them on with ease and wrapped his headband around his neck. Feeling like he was a bit more awake, the young Bookman opened his door and saw as medical staff ran down the hall towards the training room._

_He was surprised to see a gurney and a series of serious medical equipment. A shiver ran down his spine, just what did Kanda do?_

_Before he could even step from his door, Lenalee came rushing from around the corner, rushing after the doctors and nurses, almost running right past Lavi._

_“Yo, Lena!”_

_Lenalee stopped and turned her head to face him._

_“Lavi!”_

_“Oi, just what seems to be going on?”_

_“I have no idea…I was with Komui in his office when he got a strange phone call. He looked extremely worried and immediately left. As soon as I heard the announcement I decided to go help out.”_

_“Ohh, well do you mind if I come with you?”_

_“No, not at all but we need to hurry!”_

_“Right!”_

_Without another word, both Exorcists took off running towards the training room. They tried their best to stay out of the way of any medical personnel that came down the same direction, as they didn’t want to keep them from their job, but both were eager to get there as fast as possible._

_“Who do you think Yuu beat up this time?”_

_“What?” Lenalee asked Lavi between breaths of air._

_“Who do you think Yuu beat up this time?”_

_“I have no idea. Do you really think this is Kanda's doing? We both know that Kanda has a temper, but he also knows when to stop.”_

_“Damn, now I really wonder what is going on.”_

_Lenalee nodded in agreement and turned right, the doors to the training room up ahead. Lavi and here stopped to catch their breath real quick. Lavi looked through the doors and saw a series of white coats and nurses running around with bloodied bandages and medical supplies._

_Between the crowds, Lavi could make out Komui’s figure as he stood off to the side speaking with one of the many doctors. His expression was solemn as he bit at his lip._

_A sinking feeling suddenly clutched at Lavi’s heart. Before he could say anything to Lenalee about how maybe they should leave, she was already gone._

_“Komui!” the young pigtailed girl cried out towards her brother._

_Komui’s eyes went wide and he quickly marched over to the two._

_“You both need to leave.” Komui strictly stated. This wasn’t like him._

_“But Nii-san I can help!”_

_“Not with this one Lenalee, both of you please leave the area.”_

_Lavi put his hands on Lenalee’s shoulders, “Come on Lenalee, maybe we should go.”_

_“Komui, what is going in?” She eyed her brother suspiciously._

_Komui looked sadly at the two, “Please, I really need both of you to leave the premise.”_

_“But Komui-“_

_“Please.”_

_Lenalee tried to reach out for her brother as he walked away, but it seemed that it was important they were not here._

_“Come on Lenalee, if Komui doesn’t want us here, it has to be for a good reason.” Lenalee looked up at him and he gave her a reassuring smile. Little did he let on that deep inside of him, his stomach was tied in a knot._

_Lenalee let out a defeated sigh, giving Komui one last worried look before turning around to leave. Lavi was about to follow suit when something caught his eye._

_Blonde hair._

_The announcement said it was an Exorcist…and the only Exorcist he knew with blonde hair was…no…it couldn’t be…_

_Lavi felt his breath hitch, his body was no longer under his control as he quickly began pushing himself between people. He didn’t even hear Lenalee call his name._

_The deeper he got into the crowd, the more his blood raced, the harder his heart pumped. He felt someone grab his arm and saw it was Komui._

_“Lavi do not go-Lavi!”_

_Lavi jerked his arm away from the older man and pushed his way through, finally seeing the center of everyone’s attention._

_At first, he couldn’t recognize her. Her normally soft blonde hair, looked ragged and tangled. Her skin was sickly white, stained with a mixture of blood and dirt, the smooth skin was covered in bruises and scratches. They had cut through her jacket and shirt to reveal a deep gash along the side of her navel, the skin around it red and irritated blisters forming along the wound. She had various wires attached to her body, each one monitoring a different part of her body. He didn’t even have time to see if she was breathing before a pair of strong arms grabbed him behind and started pulling him back._

_“Let me go…let me go…LET ME GO!” Lavi struggled to break free, trying to pull himself forward. “Lavi you need to calm down.” It was Reever._

_“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down, let me go! Let me go!”_

_“Lavi-“_

_Desperation clutched at his heart, tears welling in his eyes._

_“Please Reever, let me go to her! Please! PLEASE!”_

_“Kanda, can I get some help over here!”_

_“Plea-“ Lavi was interrupted by the sudden hectic beating and flashing machines._

_“Doctor, she’s flat lining!”_

_“Grab me a defibrillator!”_

_“She needs a blood transfusion…”_

_“I know! Komui get these people out of here, now!”_

_Lavi’s eyes went wide, his body suddenly was limp, his whole body felt cold._

_“Lavi you need to get up.” Reever spoke calmly behind him._

_“I can’t leave her.”_

_“Lavi…”_

_“I can’t-“_

_Kanda suddenly pried Lavi away from Reever and began forcefully dragging Lavi away._

_“Kanda please, I need to be with her!”_

_Kanda kept dragging him away. “Kanda!” He kept ignoring Lavi’s pleas until he finally managed to drag the hysteric red head away from the scene._

_“Kanda, I-“_

_“The best thing you can do for that girl right now is the let the doctors do their job.”_

_“You don’t understand, I…”_

_“Let them do their job.”_

_“I…I..I…” Lavi looked up at Kanda, tears running down his face._

_Kanda looked towards Lenalee, her face pale from the unexpected reaction of her red headed friend._

_“Let me know if he gives you any trouble.” With a small nod from Lenalee as confirmation, the brisk Japanese walked away._

_Lenalee slowly approached Lavi and grabbed his arm, “If it will make you feel better, we can go wait outside of the infirmary. Does that sound alright?”_

_The older boy only stared blankly ahead._

_“I never got to tell her goodbye.”_

_“What?”_

_“Before she went on her mission, I never got to tell goodbye.”_

_Lenalee gave her friend a sad smile and rubbed his arm in a comforting manner, “Well let’s go wait outside of the infirmary and before you know it, you’ll be telling her hi.”_

_Lavi looked up at her and nodded slowly, letting the younger girl guide him through the halls for what seemed like days._

_Outside of the infirmary was a lone bench. Lavi took a seat and Lenalee sat beside him, she knew that he and Jessica were close, but she never really fully understood the extent of that friendship. Whatever their relationship may be, it was obvious that he carried deep feelings for his female counterpart._

_Even though she didn’t directly see Jessica, she felt that it would be the best if she stayed with Lavi…just in case she didn’t make it. Who knew how he would react to such devastating news of losing such a close friend._

_Lenalee took a moment to bow her head and pray, not only for Jessica’s safe recovery but also for the lost finder. She had only worked with Lao once before, but like everyone else, he was a part of her family._

_As much as it hurt, all they could do now was wait._

_~…~_

_Lavi didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, but he found himself being shook awake by one of the many nurses from earlier that evening. Lavi blinked several times and adjusted his posture. Lenalee was asleep against the wall next him, stirring slightly as he shifted his body._

_“Junior, right?”_

_“Yeah?” His heart tightened in his chest, this was the moment of truth._

_“Well we performed the surgery…and uh-“_

_“Is she alive? Is she going to be okay?”_

_“Um, sir…”_

_“Please, that’s all I need to know.”_

_“Currently she is in stable condition, but right now we are not sure if she will continue to stay that way or not.”_

_“May I go inside and see her?”_

_“I don’t think that is good idea right now. The surgery was only just completed and I would hate for her to take a turn for the worse while you were in there. Why don’t you come back in the morning and check on her then, yeah?”_

_Lavi stared at the wall straight ahead, “I’ll wait.”_

_“Well, uh I really think that you should-“_

_“I said I’m going to wait.”_

_With that final statement, the nurse hesitantly nodded and made her way back into the room. Lavi turned his attention toward Lenalee and shook her slightly, her purple eyes staring at him._

_“Hey…they said it is going to be awhile, why don’t you go ahead and head up back up to your room?”_

_“Are you sure that you don’t want me here?”_

_“I’d rather you get a good night sleep. So far she seems to be in the clear, so all I need is for you to just have a good night’s sleep.”_

_“Are you really sure?” The girl inquired as she rubbed at her tired eyes._

_“I’m sure.”_

_“Alright, come wake me if you need anything at all.”_

_With a gentle nod, Lenalee was gone and he was left alone to sit and wait. At least right now she was alive…that made him feel a bit better, but the anxiety still remained, gnawing at his sanity. All he wanted was to be holding her, comforting her, all he wanted was to be beside her. The idea of losing her was almost unbearable to him. He didn’t know what he would do without her. She was everything to him._

_Lavi looked over at the door, the one thing that separated him from her. His heart was hurting, he longed for her, and all he wanted was to not lose her._

_The door suddenly flung open, the nurse from before stuck her head out._

_“I know I said you could come back in the morning, but she’s awake.”_

_“She’s awake?!” Lavi immediately jumped from the bench._

_“Yes…she’s asking for you.” The nurse sweetly smiled at him._

_“Am I really allowed to come in?”_

_“Yeah, if you want I can wait out here, but I can’t give you guys a long time as I do need to keep a watchful eye over her. She may be awake but she is still in critical condition.”_

_“I completely understand! Thank you so much ma’am!”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_With that the nurse came out from behind the door and let him walk past her into the room, the door shutting behind him._

_Seeing her lay in that bed was a sight he wished he would never have to see again, as she connected to so many monitors and machines. An oxygen mask was covering the bottom part of her face, her chest rising and falling at a steady rate. Her skin had regained some of its color, but she still looked like she was nowhere close to being her normal self again. She had her head turned towards him, but her eyes were shut. Upon him entering the room, she slowly opened her eyes and instantly tried to sit herself up._

_Lavi rushed over, “Jessica, stay down, I’m here now.”_

_“Lavi…”_

_“Yes darling, I’m here.”_

_“I’m so sorry…”_

_“Why are you sorry, this wasn’t your fault.” Lavi ran his fingers through her hair, caressing her cheek with his thumb._

_“I should have ran…but I chose to stay and fight, even though a part of me knew that I couldn’t win. I should’ve known that I couldn’t win.”_

_“No sweetie, it’s okay, you were doing your job.”_

_“I got Lao killed.”_

_“Jessica-“_

_“Lavi, I was so scared.”_

_Lavi used his free hand to grab Jessica’s, tracing soothing circles over the bruised skin._

_“I know you were scared, I was too.”_

_Before any other words could be exchanged, Jessica started sobbing. Hot tears streamed down her face, her voice hoarse and weak. Lavi leaned down and laid his forehead against hers._

_“Shhh…it’s okay…Shhh…”_

_“Lavi…”_

_Lavi kissed her forehead, “Jessica….”_

_“I didn’t want to die.”_

_“I know dear.”_

_“I didn’t want to leave you. You were the last thing in my mind before everything went dark…please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me….” The girl begged between sobs._

_“Jessica…for these past several hours, all I could think about was you. You are everything to me. My love for you…I feel it whenever you walk into a room, I feel it whenever we touch, when we kiss. A day without you is just not a good day. The idea of losing you, of not being with you is so unbearable. I can never stop thinking about you, all I want is to spend the rest of my life with you.”_

_Jessica just stared at him, “But…”_

_“I don’t want to talk about Bookman stuff right now…right now, we get to be together.”_

_Someone knocked on the door from the outside, the nurse opened the door and peered in, “Junior are you almost done?”_

_“Oh yeah, just give me a couple more minutes.”_

_“Alright, but that is the longest I can give you.”_

_“Yes ma’am….” Lavi waved at the nurse as she closed the door behind her._

_“Lavi…please don’t go…” the small girl begged from beside him._

_Lavi kissed her forehead again, “I’m gonna have to leave, love. All I need from you is to heal and to get better.”_

_“That sounds cheesy.”_

_“It is cheesy, but that really is all I want from you right now.”_

_Jessica took in a deep breath, her eyes closing again._

_“Jessica?” Lavi worriedly asked her._

_“I’m going to sleep now Lavi.”_

_“Oh?”_

_“The first step to getting better is to take lots of naps, right?”_

_Lavi smiled lovingly at his girlfriend, “I did say that once before didn’t I?”_

_“Yeah…do you think you can stay till I fall asleep? I’m scared that if I fall asleep, I might not wake up again.”_

_Lavi winced at such a comment, “Yeah…”_

_“I love you Lavi”_

_“I love you too, Jessie-chan.”_

_Lavi gave her a final kiss on the forehead, running her golden locks in between his fingers slowly until she fell asleep._

_For now he was just glad that she was alive._

_Man…this was a fucked up situation they were in._


	15. Chapter Fifteen: How They Overcame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic Sexual Content in Chapter

With each passing moment for the next two weeks, Lavi made sure he was beside Jessica whenever he had the chance. At first Lavi was happy to see her alive and she seemed like her normal self. Upon her release from the infirmary, Lavi tried his best to make her feel better, but it didn’t take him long to notice the light disappearing from her eyes.

Lavi remembered how her fear began to consume her, the nightmares that plagued her every night. She would shake whenever she recollected moments or was asked about it about curious personnel. She wouldn’t sleep, she hardly ate, and she seemed so lost.

He tried his best to cheer her up, to help her through it. He understood her pain.

Maybe it wasn’t enough; maybe it wasn’t enough to make her stay.

~…~

_Lavi sat across from Jessica in the cafeteria, her meal untouched and growing cold. He eyed curiously, the girl before him staring blankly ahead as if she were trapped in her own head. He took a bite of his apple, looking towards the table. He felt incredibly unsettled by her macabre attitude; he was worried for her wellbeing._

_Jessica just wasn’t the same and he wasn’t really sure why. Sure a brush with death would be enough to traumatize anyone, but she shouldn’t really care to begin with. That wasn’t it…it had to be something deeper._

_“Jessica.” He whispered towards her. The girl looked at him, her eyes tired and her skin pale._

_“What?” She calmly whispered back. Lavi licked his lips._

_“You were spaced out.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“Jessica…”_

_“I know what you’re going to say Lavi. There’s nothing to talk about, I’ve told you this a million times.” The girl replied, obviously irritated._

_Lavi took in a deep breath and leaned forward, his hand slowly slid towards her. His hand wrapped around her cold one. The girl initially flinched upon contact, but relaxed as he rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand. Lavi looked down at the table, thinking carefully about what he was going to say._

_“Jessica, I just want you to understand that I’m here for you. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what is going on.”_

_She pulled her hand away and leaned away from him. “There’s nothing to talk about Lavi.”_

_“I’m not saying you have to talk about it now Jess. I’m saying that you know I’m here. As your boyfriend-“_

_“Look…” the girl rubbed at her temples and closed her eyes. “I’m fine. That’s all I am going to say and I don’t want to have this conversation again.”_

_Lavi knew a dismissal when he heard one but he wasn’t satisfied by any means. He woke up whenever she woke up, her body drenched in sweat, her heart pounding, and her panicked pants as she tried to collect herself. He would try and comfort her, but she retaliated every time and claimed that she was fine. He tried to believe her at first, but then the affection stopped, the love stopped, the sex stopped._

_He would try and initiate contact, but every time she would shrug him off and say “Not right now”. He was fine with that, all he wanted as for her to be okay. It was obvious that she wasn’t though._

_She was lost right now. He didn’t know if it was the guilt of Lao’s death that haunted her or if it was her brush with death that had put her in this state of self-loathing. Maybe it was both. All he knew was that she was falling into a dark place and he wasn’t sure what to do._

_Before he could say anything, Bookman appeared before the two. Both of his apprentices stared at him, waiting to hear what he had to say._

_“Hello you two.”_

_“Sup’ Old Panda!’ Lavi cheerfully jeered._

_“Hello Master.” Jessica spoke quietly, preferring a more polite approach._

_“I need the two of you to do an assignment for me.”_

_“Nah, you don’t say.” Lavi sarcastically replied. Bookman hit him across the head swiftly._

_“Ow! You stupid Panda, you just can’t go around hitting people!” Lavi cried as he rubbed at his injured head. He looked towards Jessica, hoping to see her smiling. She just stared blankly at her hands on the table. He could feel his heart hurting for her._

_“Despite that interruption, it’s going to be a long night for you two. I would head towards the library now if I were you, I already have the books out and ready for you two.”_

_“Yes sir.” Both replied in unison._

_Jessica quickly stood up and started walking away, without a look back. Lavi stared at her full plate, concern written all over his face. Bookman sat down in front of him and watched his apprentice’s face contort._

_“It’s going to take time.”_

_“What?” Lavi looked back at the old man, wide eyed._

_“She went through a lot, not only is it going to take her body some time to recover, but also her mind. Just be patient.”_

_Lavi licked his lips. “I don’t’ know how to help her. She won’t admit that there is anything wrong.”_

_“It’s not really your job to fix her though. I’ve turned a blind eye to how close the two of you have gotten, but I’m telling you now that you need to remember who you are. Even though you two are one and the same, you both still have the same purpose. She should mean nothing to you and you mean nothing to her.”_

_Lavi clenched his fists under the table and sighed, “I know that. Lavi is known to be concerned for his comrades’ well-being; it would be out of character not to care.” He knew that it sounded like complete and utter bullshit, but Bookman took it as an answer and nodded._

_“Be careful Lavi.”_

_“I always am.”_

~…~

_Lavi sat quietly in the library, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of his and Jessica’s pens scratching at the parchment below, the clock reading one in the morning. Lavi hadn’t said anything to Jessica since she had left the cafeteria. She was already doing her assignment when he arrived._

_His conversation with Bookman spun around his head over and over again. Bookman was wrong about them; he didn’t know anything about them. What they were to each other. He loved Jessica and she loved him…right?_  
  


**_“…you mean nothing to her…”_ **

_Lavi shook his head, trying to get rid of the disturbing thought. She loved him; she was just trying to cope. Her denial of any affection was just because she was depressed right? Right?_

_He looked up at Jessica and saw the girl staring at him, a small smile on her lips._

_“What?”_

_“Nothing, it’s just been a while since we were here.” She quietly replied, looking up at the ceiling._

_“Yeah…”_

_Lavi stood up and walked around the table towards Jessica. Jessica eyed him suspiciously as he approached. Lavi leaned downwards, his hands in his pocket, a sinister smile stretched across his face._

_“We could make this our place again…you know what I mean?” He whispered seductively under his breath. Memories of the two of them making love, her body bent over the table as he thrusted in and out of her, her small whimpers of pleasure as she tried to remain quiet from anyone who may be walking by._

_Jessica shivered as he grazed his lips up her neck, his hands resting on both arm rests, pinning her to the chair. “What do you say, huh?”_

_“I...I...I don’t know.”_

_Lavi pulled away and touched their noses together. “Jessica…”_

_“I’m sorry. I’m just…I just haven’t been the same.”_

_“No kidding.”_

_“When did you become so sarcastic?” Jessica inquired, annoyed._

_“For a while now, but don’t change the subject. This doesn’t change the fact that you need to talk to me about these things.” Lavi’s fingers grazed over the ring that he had given Jessica, a reminder of the vow that they both had secretly made to each other. “I can’t fix you Jessica and I’m not going to pretend that I can. I want to help you through whatever it is you are going through. Sex doesn’t matter to me. What matters to me is your wellbeing.”_

_Jessica stared up at him sadly, “I just can’t talk about it.”_

_“Why not?”_

_She remained silent and dropped her head._

_Lavi sighed in defeat and kissed her forehead. He rubbed his hand through her hair and smiled._

_“When was the last time you took a bath?”_

_“What?!” The girl jumped back in her chair, looking horrified._

_“I’m not saying that you smell or anything, you’re absolutely fine. Just…your hair is a little greasy and…tangled.” He spoke as his fingers got stuck in clumps of hair._

_Jessica sighed, “It’s been about a week…”_

_“A week?”_

_“Yes…” She shyly confessed._

_“Jessica…you haven’t been sleeping, you haven’t been eating, and now you haven’t been bathing.”_

_Jessica tried to sit up, but he held himself firmly in front of her chair, keeping her contained. “Look…just…I’ve been really overwhelmed lately and you pointing that out is not helping me at all, okay?! Just back off…”_

_Lavi took in a deep breath, Bookman’s words echoing in his head from earlier._

_“Well I think we can take care of one of those things right now.”_

_“What?”_

_Lavi gave her a cheeky smile, “It’s late at night, and the hot springs should be empty.”_

_“I don’t follow.” The girl admitted._

_“Let’s take a bath together~”_

_Her eyes went wide, “Lavi, I don’t think…”_

_“We don’t have to have sex. I just want to help you and besides, I need to take a bath too.” His voice was quiet, the sincerity of his intention gleamed in his eye._

_Jessica smiled, “You’re a goofball.”_

_“I know I am! Now let’s go get clean!”_

~…~

  
_Lavi patiently waiting outside of the bathrooms for Jessica to appear with her clothing and other personal effects she was going to need. It was kind of funny to him how the two of them had never actually taken a bath together, let alone a shower. But it kind of worked out in his favor, not only could he help her with this one thing, but this would also give her an opportunity to maybe relax._

_He could hear the pitter patter of the girls footsteps as she approached the young Bookman, her cheek were tinged a slight pink._

_The young apprentice gave her a smirk, “Are you nervous, Jessie-chan?” He teased the petite girl._

_“N-No! It’s just I feel kind of bad that you feel obligated to do this for me.”_  
  


_“I want to do this for you love.” He wrapped his arms around his girlfriend’s shoulders and started walking her off towards the boys section of the baths._

_“Why are we going to the boy’s bath?” The younger girl inquired._

_“Because if we do get caught, which I don’t think we will, it’s honestly less awkward for a girl to be caught in a boy’s room than for a boy to be caught in a girl’s room.” Jessica nodded in comprehension, letting her boyfriend guide her through the halls._

_With a final turn of a corner, they were greeted with a metal door that was entrance to the hot springs. Lavi gave the blonde hair girl a final look before opening the door where both were greeted with a wave of hot steam._

_Lavi guided the girl into the hot room and led her to a bench nearby for them to set down their belongings. Lavi was also entranced by the springs as they were encased in several circles with rocks for walls. The water was always inexplicitly the right temperature that not only made it is easy to relax but made an overall enjoyable experience._

_Once Jessica had laid her clothes out, she turned herself towards Lavi and lifted her arms up._

_“What are you doing?” Lavi asked._

_“You said you were going to take care of me. So undress me.” Her voice gave off a hint of amusement._

_Lavi laughed, “Sure thing dear.”_

_His fingers snuck under the fabric of her shirt and lifted the material from her body and tossed to the floor. He unhooked her bra and pulled the straps down her arms till the silky fabric joined her shirt on the floor. He looked at her half naked body and could feel himself growing hard. She was always beautiful to him._

**_“You promised you wouldn’t do anything…try and relax Lavi.”_ **

_Lavi shook his head and tried to focus his attention on undressing the girl, but when he reached her for pants, she laid her small hands on his bigger ones._

_“I got this…let me take off your shirt.”_

_“Oi, I thought I was giving you special treatment.”_

_“I just…want to…”_

_Lavi shrugged his shoulders and lifted his own arms allowing the girl to lift his shirt from his well-defined body. Her slim fingers brushed against his chest, her golden eyes staring into his emerald green one._

_She turned away from him and started pulling down her pants, leaving Lavi in an unsatisfied daze. He cleared his throat before following his counterpart in suit, both completely undressing._

_With both of them completely undressed, Lavi grabbed her hands and guided her towards the springs. He tried to ignore the fact that she was naked, but despite all of the nights of passions they had shared…he felt like this was one of the most intimate things that they had ever done together._

_“Watch your step…” he spoke under his breath as he stepped into the pool. Jessica grabbed onto his shoulders for balance and stepped in herself, letting her legs adjust to the newly warm temperature. Lavi sunk his body into the water and gripped Jessica’s waist, dragging her down into his own body, the two gliding together smoothly under the water._

_“So what should we do first? Should was wash your hair? Should we wash your body? What should we do?” Lavi teasingly asked the girl._

_“Umm…we could probably start with my hair…it is pretty tangled.” Jessica shyly answered her blush from earlier returning._

_“Yes ma’am!” Lavi let the young girl go and walked towards the other side of the pool, on the floor before was a bottle of shampoo and a brush. Amenities like this were usually left on the side for those who didn’t have their own or for people, like them, or who simply were too lazy to bring their own._

_“You’re going to smell like a boy, so I hope you’re fine with that!” Lavi shouted towards the girl._

_“I’m gonna smell like you?”_

_“Pretty much.”_

_“Hmm…I think I’m okay with that.”_

_Lavi chuckled and made his way back to the girl, setting the shampoo bottle off towards the side. The girl closed her eyes and dunked her head underwater, just enough to submerge her head before pulling herself up. Her long blonde hair dripped with excess water as she brushed it out of her eyes with her hands. Lavi motioned for the girl to turn around before sliding the brush through the first section of her usually soft blonde hair._

_For a while they just sat in the water quietly, Jessica’s eyes were closed. Lavi focused strictly on her hair and on brushing out the many tangles that he came across. When he was satisfied with its current state, he grabbed the shampoo bottle and poured some shampoo in his hands before lathering it onto her head. He used his fingers to rhythmically massage it into her scalp and through her hair. The girl gave out a slow sigh, completely relaxed at the feelings of his fingers running through her hair._

_“Do you want to rinse your hair?”_

_“Not yet. It’s your turn…where’s the brush and the shampoo?”_

_Lavi could feel his heartbeat accelerate, “It’s right here…”_

_Jessica turned towards him and grabbed the brush; her hands grasped his shoulders softly as she motioned for him to turn around for her. He suddenly dunked himself into the water, splashing the young girl; her melodic laugh could be heard. It gave him goosebumps to hear her laugh…it had been awhile since he had heard it last. Once he was above water again, he turned around to give the girl access to his head.  Lavi could feel as the young girl guided the brush through his hair. She had caught a couple tangles, but his short hair was easy enough to brush out. He flinched when he felt the coolness of the shampoo slide against his scalp as his girlfriend rubbed her fingers into his own scalp. He could see how this was relaxing._

_When she was done, he turned to face her._

_“Should we go under at the same time?”_

_She smiled, “Sure.”_

_With a final look, both submerged themselves under the water, soap spreading across the surface of the water. Both ran their hands through their hair till it felt like all things of soap had rinsed off._

_Jessica flipped her hair back out of her face and took in a deep breath once she surfaced. Lavi came up shortly after and slicked his hair back, getting a better look at Jessica’s face. The intimacy of the situation, his love for her, his worry, his care, all of it came together in that moment. There was never a day that went by that he didn’t want her._

_He couldn’t stop himself._

_Lavi grabbed her lips and pulled herself against his body; before she could react negatively he placed his lips against hers roughly. He half expected her to pull away, but instead she returned the kiss with as much eagerness as he had expressed. She raised her hand to cup his cheek. Lavi decided to take it a step further and nipped at her lip. Shocked the girl opened her mouth, allowing for his warm tongue to slip inside. He swirled his tongue against hers, his erection growing prominent with each second that passed by._

_It had been so long since they had interacted like this, he craved her now more than ever before._

_Lavi’s fingers started to slide down to her private area when the girl suddenly jerked away from him. Her breaths heavy from their heated kiss. Her eyes were wide in horror._

_“I can’t do this….” That was all she dared to mutter at the confused boy._

_“Why not?”_

_“I just can’t okay!” The girl harshly snapped back at her boyfriend._

_Lavi stared at the girl that stood before him. The girl whose body trembled before him…_

_He took a step towards the girl, who in return to a step back. A process they repeated till Jessica’s back hit the wall of the spring. Lavi put his face close to hers, every time she would turn her face, he would follow._

_“Look at me Jessica…” He whispered calmly._

_“No….”_

_“Look at me, please?”_

_Jessica looked into his eyes, tears threatening to fall._

_“Please tell me what you are feeling my love. I need to know.”_

_Jessica licked her lips and stared into his eyes._

_“It’s not fair.”_

_“What’s not fair Jessie-chan?”_

_“He died protecting me Lavi…I watched as he turned to ash…I saw that look in his eye. He was scared…he didn’t want to die.”_

_“Jessica that’s not your fault.”_

_“How is it not?! These finders are convinced to treat us like Gods…that our lives mean more than theirs…it’s just not fair!”_

_“Jessica…”_

_“He wasn’t ready to die…he didn’t deserve that fate...”_

_“That was his choice, he-“_

_“I should have been the one to die that day…it should have been me.” Her voice shook as she spoke and Lavi found himself chilled to the bone._

_“You don’t mean that.” He harshly stated._

_“Lavi...something weird happened…”_

_“What do you mean?” He raised an eyebrow, confused by his companions’ words._

_“My Innocence. I think…I think it saved me.”_

_“It saved you? Jessica, that’s impossible. Innocence is incapable of such actions.”_

_“You don’t think I know that?” She sounded so ashamed._

_Lavi sighed and gave the girl a tight hug, “For your sake…I’m going to ignore what you just said. Don’t tell anyone, not even Bookman of this. Because he will-“_

_“He’ll send me away…I know.”_

_“As far as everything else goes…it’s not your fault at all. I do think too that it is unfair for these finders and scientists and every one of the sorts to treat us so differently. That is the situation that we are all in. All of us Exorcists feel the same.”_

_She tried to push him away, but he held her firmly against his chest._

_“My darling, you have every right to feel guilty. But it is a guilt that you do not carry alone. Not only is it a guilt that you carry with your comrades, but it is a guilt that you carry with me. Never be afraid to tell me what is wrong; never be afraid to let me help, to let me listen to you.”_

_Lavi rubbed his hand through her hair, the girl looking at him in the eye, tears streaming down her face._

_“You are never alone.”_

_With that final declaration, Lavi leaned in and kissed her sweetly. His lips brushed against hers delicately, waiting for her approval to return the affection. She pressed her lips against his and let her body take complete control._

_Lavi wasted no time in slipping his tongue into her wet cavern, her tongue hastily swirling with his. Lavi pulled away and started trailing kisses down her neck, biting at the delicate flesh and soothing it with his tongue. Jessica moaned beneath him as his hands reached up and grabbed her breast, his nimble fingers grazing across her erect nipples._

_It didn’t take long for his excitement to return and the girl could feel the hotness of it between her legs._

_Feeling herself getting wetter with each kiss that Lavi placed on her body, the girl instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him to push himself inside of her._

_Lavi leaned the girl back, arching over the wall before he entered her._

_The girl moaned as he penetrated her body, the pleasure intensifying with each thrust of his hips. That was one thing she could appreciate about Lavi being a Bookman, he was fast learner._

_His nails dug into the delicate flesh of her hips as he pounded in out of the girl with a growing ferocity. He thought that the girl would be uncomfortable with her body awkwardly leaned over the edge of the rocks, but the girl threw her head back and only moaned._

_“Oh…OH…Lavi…harder…” the girl begged beneath him, sweet moans slipping past her lips._

_With a grunt Lavi did his best to oblige her demands._

_“Lavi…please...more!”_

_He pulled her hips upwards, pushing himself deeper inside of her body. The girl screamed out, her moans of sweet pleasure completely uncaged._

_His fingers slowly found their way to her clitoris and began rubbing at the erectile tissue, stimulating the girl even more._

_“RIGHT THERE! KEEP GOING…OH LAVI!” The girl practically screamed at him._

_Lavi could feel himself starting to lose control, he was close the edge too._

_“Jessica…I’m about to…ah…”He moaned as he could feel his own climax approaching._

_He kept working at the young girl below him, when she suddenly threw her head back, a euphoric moan slipping between her lips. Her eyes were closed and he could feel her walls tighten around him as she rode out her own climax._

_Lavi was close behind, with a few more thrusts he could feel himself ejaculate inside of her warm insides._

_Both were breathing heavily as Lavi’s body collapsed on top of Jessica’s._

_Between haggard breaths Jessica found her voice to say, “If you keep doing that…I’m gonna end up pregnant…”_

_Lavi laughed, “Sorry…I meant to pull out…”_

_“Can’t do anything about now…”_

_They both just laid there in the silence, taking in the moment for all it was worth. Jessica used her elbows to push herself up, Lavi stood before her._

_“Now we really need to get clean.”_

_Lavi laughed and grabbed some soap getting ready to finish washing up._

_When his mind had cleared he found himself left with a lot of unanswered questions regarding what happened that night that Jessica was attacked._

_Her Innocence had saved her? That wasn’t possible right?_

_But that wasn’t the only question that haunted him…._

_How did she get back? How did she end up in the middle of the training room?_

_Many unexplained things happened that day and Lavi made a note in his head to ask these questions later._

_~…~_

He never did get the chance to ask her.


End file.
